Can anyone advise me how to cope?

catlover, you've put this on a thread that maybe people won't follow unless they're knitters! You could pick one of the threads from the Relationships list? Would you like to pop this on there?
I can imagine your pain, I really can. And so will many others on Gransnet, who have and are still suffering from the same type of despair. Try opening a New Discussion on another thread, and you'll get lots of replies. Good luck.

catlover there are lots of threads on gransnet where people in the same situation can "talk" about it and get help and support. One is called "Denied Contact" and I think there are others. This has somehow got on the Knitting thread but I am sure other people will reply to you soon when they realise what it is about. . There is a wealth of experience on here. Sorry I can't help but here are some for you.

41 seconds between us, wisewoman!

marelli we must have posted at the same moment!

Only 24seconds between you both realising.

!

And we both live in Fife, I think.

No, you are not alone, I think you will find many share your pain. I don't understand why some women are jealous of their partner's mother but it does seem to be quite common. I also wonder at the men who let it happen, they are clearly wimps who just put up with it for a quiet life. It also seems to be more common when they are older when they meet. I hope someone can give you help to get through this.

catlover - I think there are others out there who can empathise with your situation.

Why not copy and paste your message into the "relationship" section of the forum?

I am sorry that your life is so difficult at the moment.

A sad situation. Are the brothers in touch? If so can they mediate for you or has oldest son completely cut off from all family?
Can you write to him and say you have heard his good news about the new baby on the way and wish them all luck with the pregnancy. Maybe include a small gift token for a baby shop as a gesture of goodwill and a comment on you looking forward to getting a birth announcement card. I would not mention asking to see them but you could say you know they are busy people and hope they find time to keep in touch. It may provoke a sense of responsibility in your son. but it is always a gamble. Is ther no hint as to why he has cut himself off?

catlover - I feel for you. It must be heartbreaking to be in that situation, I am so sorry.
Is there any way you could speak to your other boys and see what they know. Brothers or brothers and sisters often mention problems that they would not necessarily bring up with their parents.
I have a lifelong friend who is only rarely given access to her grandchildren. Her son and daughter in law have not said it but I know why and have told her. It is because she smokes, smokes in the house and obyiously her son and daughter in law do not want their children near exhaled smoke for obvious reasons. I'm not for one minute implying your situation is the same but it might be something which you consider insignificant but your son and daughter in law feel very strongly about. His brothers may be in a position to shed light on the subject. So very sad, as I said I feel for you.

Why do you sign yourself as `catlover`? There are quite a few points made by `ps` that I think are perhaps relevant and being a grandfather I feel for you and you have my greatest sympathy for your situation but why `catlover` could there be a link there ? for you.

x 2

Ah cats! get it. But surely the son could have mentioned the cats! messenger

Hi `Flower` I think the reason the son or sonsnever mentioned the cats was because either they are `wimps`or didn`t want to cause more friction than was already there...think about it!

That is very clever deduction messenger.

I hope catlover can find her thread now.

Hmmmm OK you are probably right x

any ladies interested in ball room dancing

Umm - had you read the rest of the conversation before posting that, humbred? It doesn't really follow on from what went before it.

Also, this is not a site for fixing up dance dates, it is for conversations.

I think this is very sad. Have you spoken to your son at all, even by phone? It sounds like he has distanced himself between his new and old family. Perhaps invited them all over for dinner and talk about how sad you feel about the relationship breaking down. You never know, there may be something you said or did that made them feel uncomfortable. Unless you discuss it, you'll never know.

I think it's harsh that your son hasn't even bothered to let you meet your grandchild. Do you think he may feel intimidated by his other brothers' successful marriages?

Good luck

Catlover,
My heart goes out to you in this painful situation.

If it was me I would write to my son a loving letter saying how much you miss the contact with him and his family and would dearly love to meet up and sort out any problems there may be.
Just make it a short message to start and see what happens.

If there is no reply after a couple of weeks contact your other sons and see what their situation is with their brother and see if they can find out what the problem is.

Keeping in contact is imperative, if you know your grandchilds birthday send a card and at Christmas.
Keep in touch by sending post cards of the places you visit on holiday so that the little girl knows you are there thinking about her and that she is very special to you.
Whatever happens always keep sending postcards because one day the child will grow up and ask questions.

Even the most hard hearted of DIL or your son surely wouldn't prevent the little one seeing the cards which are send specially for her.

If you are only six miles aways cannot you go just call in saying you were in the area.

I would do everything I could to still be part of my son and grandchilds life even if the DIL didn't want me in it.

If you have done everything you can to make contact you can look back and know the problem isn't yours it's theirs.

Unfortuately as grandparents we have no rights whatsoever.
Best of luck

I think families where the children have grown up can be too "close knit". That would suit some women, perhaps ones who came from close knit families themselves and who are very confident in themselves and their relationships, but perhaps some people might find it a bit overwhelming and might simply not want to"join the club". Sad though, when it is taken to such lengths.

I think I am all for families who have fairly set times for visiting and not expected to live in each other's pockets for the rest of the time.

I am not referring specifically to the OP - thread is old. Just thinking aloud really.