my dh is retired - help

Still going through it and our relationship falling apart! But that's down to other issues. With me its the stress of having someone under my feet all day wanting attention and talking at me non stop.

Sorry I cant be more positive I am having a bad day! Others will be there are some GNrs out there who have achieved this !

maisiegreen have you thought he maybe expect's for you both to be enjoying his retirement to-gether,he could be really finding it hard to ajust to his time at home and feels like a spare part ? is it possible he could ask his former employer if he could help in say an advisory role of some kind ? or maybe like me if you want some "me" time vaulenteer at maybe a charity shop where there are other ladies in a similar position as yourself.mr.glamma takes himself off with the dog for a good couple of hours a day and I have my catering business which has taken off massively so I also have the social side of my business he also helps with the junior football team which our DGS joined two years ago and finds a lot of pleasure transporting the team from matches for parents who have no transport.I'm sure things will settle down for you both

terrible spelling to-day sorry folks

Get him a shed!

Maisie can't you find him some little jobs to do? Send him to the shops on an errand?
Whenenver MrA complains of boredom I just produce the list....

Mine got a hobby, but it's one that I am also expected to take part in.
Worst is the constant chat after years of shift work and only the TV/radio for company.
One of my hobbies is writing, but I'm never allowed the peace to do any.

Maisie
The one thing I have found in life it is nye impossible to change another person you can only change yourself.

I have been retired for 6 years and my thoughts on retiring was I had the freedom to now do all the things I didn't have the time to do in my working life.

Look on retirement as the next chapter in your life and go for it.

It doesn't matter if your husband does not have the same interests you have you are not siamese twins joined at the hip but individual human being with your own likes and dislikes.

I would recommend thinking about all the things you would like to do and be pro active.

I am a member of the U3A organisation, it is UK and I think worldwide and within each group there are interest groups covering all manner of things from art and walking groups and you don't have to go with anyone just go on your own I did.

I belong to three groups which meet on a monthly basis in addition to this am in a walking group. I have other interests also and find I am quite busy Mon - Friday each week and I love my retirement.

Check out this site for information
http://www.u3a.org.uk/

You only need to check your local news to find out how you could be of help to the community it goes on and on there is so much you can do.

My husband has his own interests now and we do things together like days out and traveling but if your husband just wants to hang around the house that's up to him but you don't have to do what he does.

There's a big world out there and life can be short.

Relationships are never easy.

Tell him to read up on the internet about co-dependency - that will keep him busy for a while. He might even learn how not to be that way!

I think volunteering for you and working part-time for him is the way to go. Or he could maybe volunteer somewhere else, and on another day. There are loads of organisations crying out for volunteers. Hospital driving is one thing that seems to appeal to the men I know of. Round here the local Youth Offending Team are looking for mentors and for people who just drive the young people around if mentoring not the level of committment he would be looking for.

I know how much I relish having the house to myself on the odd occasions it happens, so you have my sympathy.

Nellie

Could you encourage him into a hobby? Buy him a model aeroplane kit perhaps? They can get really hooked on that, especially if there is a club available. With other old codgers elderly gents.

I second what Hunt said about a shed.

I have made it quite clear to my DH that I do NOT like to be talked to when I am gardening. You need to be firm.

This reminds me of a conversation I had with the S.O. a few years back when he had been made redundant. I decided to have a 'heart to heart' with him one day, and sat him down and explained that I had always dreaded my ex husband retiring even though he would have spent a lot of time in the garage/on his bike/visiting mates/going to the pub etc etc whereas the S.O. falls into the 'joined at the hip' category. Over the years things have improved [he only stays here at weekends anyway] but I'm worrying about retiring soon because work is my only way of meeting and chatting to other people [apart from gransnet]. I don't think your husband will change [the conversation with the S.O. was water off a duck's back] so I think it's up to you to do things such as join U3A etc and make it clear you want a life of your own. Apart from that I can only sympathise and say how much I understand how you feel.

We had this problem at first. I retired 2 years before DH and was as happy as Larry. Then he retired, he didn't like being at home and used to drive me mad. Every time he heard a car door slam outside he would say 'who's that' and get up to look out of the window. If I went upstairs he would ask me where I was going and so on. The National Trust saved the day when he voluteered for them 2 afternoons a week. He is much happier now and consequently so am I.

My OH isn't retired but began working from home about 2 years and I've had to adapt to rarely having any time to myself. We were a joined at the hip type couple which was fine when he went out to work a few days a week. I've had to adjust to having him in the house all day, every day, having to fit my noisy housework in as and when so as not to disturb him and coping with being on call 24/7 etc. I like being at home and my hobbies or interests are mostly home based so its a pain having to go out to get a bit of time to myself. I've warned him that he needs to find some new interests over the next few years on the run up to his retirement but of course at the moment he doesn't see a problem...

Funnily, we watched a programme years ago about the phenomena of Japanese women having nervous breakdowns when their husbands (who had been company men all through their careers) retired! We laughed then but it's not so funny now...

The Japanese seem to understand these things better than we do; empty nest syndrome being far better understood over there than here. The also [I believe] have a Ministry for Forward Planning which our Government/s should consider having [they may have one already but, if they do it ain't up to much ].

Join something together that he may like even if you don't and when he is hooked slide away. Keep a(secret)list of places you want to visit and jobs that need to be done and have them in hand for when you are desperate. My DH hates towns so I often need to go to Newcastle even if I buy nothing just to breathe and think.i refuse point blank to fill a car with petrol insure clean or take one to a garage. Good luck

I divorced mine before retirement, as I knew I could not have coped. We led separate lives whilst living in the same house, but the thought of him being around all day filled me with horror! I have never been happier than I am now that I live alone.

for shysal,a women that knows what she wants and does it!

Mine's working out his leave - and not having to work very much at all. So it is like a taste of retirement before he starts being a student. Lots to do re moving house but it is a big adjustment having him around and various routine things have been disrupted.
I was struggling to check accounts spreadsheet the other day and he walked in and started discussing blinds and then took out his screwdriver. "I'm trying to concentrate. Can you go out please" - he was a little wounded but it needed saying.
Lots of good suggestions on this thread. U3a a good idea for both of you as maybe you could join some different groups and meet new people - and maybe there is something you could do together as well. Volunteering is a great substitute for work - sitting on the trustees of a charity, or being a school governor would utilise his skills and give him an interest maybe?

I meant working out his notice, sorry.

I've been retired for 8yrs and OH just went onto a 3 day week, he retires in 2yrs , and its fine he has hobbies , bowls and golf in the Summer and snooker in the Winter, it takes him out 2/3 evenings and usually on Sunday afternoon the other days we usually find a trip out together or visiting family is fine for us. I think the balance is about right for us..
Your OH definitely needs hobbies to interest him for some part of the week lots of good suggestions already given but I do agree with most of them

Got rid of mine (husband) years ago thankfully as he would have driven me madder than ever. But volunteering is the way to go, I do two afternoons a week and it is great fun plus helps people - I help AgeUK.

Yes, volunteering at something he would have no interest in is the best way to go AND its fun! I do the local community shop (best place for gossip) and at a workshop for adults with learning difficulties (arts and crafts and lovely lovely people).
However, perhaps inviting one or two of these other couples you know over for an informal meal so that the husbands can wax lyrical about the hobbies might also help.
If you have had the chats then I think the subtle approach might not be any use...just get out of the house yourself saying something like....'there is ham and cheese in the fridge, so you can make yourself a sandwich for lunch' and just go! Good luck.

I think there are many of us with the same problem. In my case I worked for 15 years while my husband was retired, so perhaps he feels that I have invaded HIS space! My problem is that I would love to stay in on my own sometimes in the evening, but he never goes out.Fortunately he plays golf twice a week at the moment , but he is talking of giving it up. Eeeeeeek!

OH has a gardening job 3 mornings a week. He has 3 yes 3 sheds Where he delights in any carpentry projects.
I have friends that I meet for lunch every couple of weeks.
We can happily spend an afternoon in silence with our respective books.
I have no complaints.