How to deal with mil need advice

Tell you what, jings let's both get on our bikes. Nothing like a five minute work out to let off steam.

I have had to learn to bite my tongue. I have been a financial consultant, a conveyancer and a tax inspector, so I obviously know something about finance, house purchase, insurance, etc. but if my family don't ask my advice I don't volunteer it. However, I sometimes get asked to help sort things out when they go wrong! I am very popular with my SIL at the moment, as I was able to find a little publicised extra-statutory concession which came into force when they emigrated, and he is getting over £13,000 in a tax refund!

If you can manage it, perhaps the next time she asks how much money you have left over after paying the bills, you could say "enough", and smile and tell her not to worry, you are OK, though you won't be ordering any solid gold teapots in the near future. Or something of that kind. Perhaps she does really worry about whether you have enough, and comes from a background where everyone is upfront about finances all the time.

I think you are right not to make a big fight of it. If you can keep it friendly you can sort it all out as you want it.

And me meeting kids at slimbridge wild life trust at 9.30am it's an hours drive away!
I usually lie in til after the archers on a Sunday!
Mother love is an incredible thing!

That sounds ideal, galen. I didn't get the impression the questioning the OP disliked was quite the same.

Off to bed now

I don't ask details! I just say 'are you ok?'

I do! But dd is quite happy about it and asks my advice about things like dgd's investments for which at the moment until she gets a fixed abode are in my name!
(The last house fell through when the vendor pulled out at the last moment, leaving them homeless! I do wish we had the Scottish system!)

You can give people presents of money, or help out with expensive things, or invest money for your grandkids without asking about their parents' personal finances.

Galen - I see what you mean about the finances. It's the way mil asks, she asks me how much money I have left over after I have paid my bills. I do feel its quite an intrusive question to ask me. I think it's ok if my mother asks because she is my mother and I am very close to her.

I think it's because me and mil don't have a close relationship.

It will work out in the end. DH said that he would go and speak to her. I said not yet as its not a nice thing for DH to do so will wait and see how things go after being assertive ;)

To go back to the op!
I ask my dd about her finances as I worry if she is ok and as I am in a situation to be able to help if necessary, I want to be able to do so!
My mother was quite well off but would not spend it! She kept it for when she was old!
When she died aged 88 we had to pay a lot on inheritance tax.
I remember she sent me £10 for my 60th birthday!
I would rather leave nothing but know that I've helped my children when they need it most.
Perhaps your mil feels the same?

As I said before thanks for all your advice

J08 - you are obviously trying to entertain yourself so will leave you to it

To the others - dont worry harsh comments don't upset me and it certainly wouldnt put me off. I came on here for advice and I got it

It's not always easy to think in a mature way. A little gentle reminder is not a bad thing. Especially when it is a younger person asking advice of an older o e.

Bubble22 I hope you have gleaned something from all these replies (and ignored some of the other comments, which have very little to do with your predicament) Will you forgive me if I try to put just one tiny side of what your MIL might be feeling. You say she is "seeing" other family members in your DD - that's 100% normal Granny behaviour. She thinks her DGD is gorgeous so just give her another G&T and bask in knowing you and your DH have created the perfect baby. As to feeding - she may well be trying to be helpful although clearly getting it wrong. It hurts granny's ears as much to hear the baby crying as it does Mum's and she is not in a position to do anything about it. If you can, be patient, this is a new relationship for her too. I remember once DD came back when I had been babysitting little DGS - just a few months and he started to cry. According to DD it was too early for his feed (she's a "Routine" person - I was a demand-feeding Mum) and was getting a bit stressed so, with the best intentions, "I just said Oh go ahead and feed him if you want" to which she answered "Mum, he's MY baby and I will decide when he is fed" (!!!) Oops. Your hormones and nerves may be a bit raw at the moment, it is a momentous change in your life, but do try my advice - give her PLENTY to do!

The thorns of eglantine. Hey ho.

'Try to be very grown up..etc' How patronising is that [also pots calling kettles springs to mind]?

Bags. That is pathetic.

Anyone else? Tegan? 64? Elegran?

That comment was quite likely the truth. Sometimes people need a little wake up call. Before things escalate.

The mil is not here asking for advice.

'She probably hopes that her dil will get better too.'

Jingle, do you really need it explaining to you that the above comment was not 'good advice' but just pointlessly unpleasant? Perhaps it would be better if we got back to the OP and/or watched Casualty.
I do hope bubble22 has not let one member put her off us - it is very good to hear things from the DILs point of view.

Don't worry, bubblezz. Dear old j08 thrives on a good ole jangle or two on gransnet.

She'll swat me for that. You watch

Your advice to the OP to be tolerant and understanding was good, jings. It's good advice to mothesr-in-law too.

Some people on here are hypocrites.

Someone point out to me EXACTLY what was wrong with the advice I gave to the OP. You owe me that much. (two posts)

And please do it before Casualty starts.