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Not sure why, but crying.

(72 Posts)
Anne58 Wed 15-Jan-14 19:54:50

So sorry, but have a sudden need to do a metaphorical howl.

Heaven knows what brought it on this time, FFS it's just over 5 years since Jack died. yes, I know that you never get over losing a child, even though my GP banged the desk (about 4 years ago) and said "You will get over it!" but I still don't know why I'm all of a doo dah tonight.

I recently moved a Pembroke table from the hall to the sitting room, decided to put lots of family photos on it, in silver frames (not necessarily real silver, just silver coloured) Started with the ones that DS1 and his partner had given me of the grandchildren.

Mr P and I had picked up a couple of silver coloured frames at a car boot sale, yonks ago. Yesterday I had a bit of a look through some photos, found one of Jack aged about 12, 13, cuddled up with a very small, young Maurice, put in in one of the frames. Trying to find another one for the other new frame, which will only take a picture around 3" by 3", am about to measure a lovely photo of me and Jack on the day that I got married to Mr P.

I do really wish I could remember what Jack said when he came to collect me for the wedding, it was either "you look beautiful Mum" or you look gorgeous Mum"

I miss him so much, sometimes it is hard to do the equation that is often applied to loss, i.e the joy that you have while they are with you, even though you have pain when they are gone, should be better than not having them at all.

newist Wed 15-Jan-14 20:02:23

phoenix I so feel for you, I think you are so brave, I truly do not know what else to say except God Bless

Anne58 Wed 15-Jan-14 20:02:45

Answering my own question, I think it was going through the photos.

No doubt all will be back to normal tomorrow.

Thanks to those that read, as you were!

Kiora Wed 15-Jan-14 20:05:38

Oh Phoenix I'm crying too. I just cannot imagine how unbearable the pain must be. I can't imagine how brave a mother has to be to carry on through life without them. But you have been brave for your son and your family. Remembering must be so painful.

Nelliemoser Wed 15-Jan-14 20:07:30

phoenix Just a (((hug)))

annsixty Wed 15-Jan-14 20:25:56

Nothing else to say except flowers

Aka Wed 15-Jan-14 20:26:59

Phoenix sometimes we just have to visit that painful place ((((hugs))))

whenim64 Wed 15-Jan-14 20:27:32

phoenix I wish I could ease your sadness (((hugs))) flowers

MiceElf Wed 15-Jan-14 20:34:45

Oh Phoenix it must hurt so much. Sending a hug.

thatbags Wed 15-Jan-14 20:38:12


ffinnochio Wed 15-Jan-14 20:46:41

Take care, Phoenix. Sometimes sadness can just completely disarm you, out of the blue. Have a restful night. flowers

Lona Wed 15-Jan-14 20:50:09

phoenix flowers

sunseeker Wed 15-Jan-14 20:53:39

I can't begin to imagine the pain of losing a child - I don't think you will get over it - you will learn to live with it. Looking through old photos will bring back memories but try to focus on the happy times - easy for me to say not so easy for you to do. If you feel like howling then go ahead, be kind to yourself. flowers

baubles Wed 15-Jan-14 21:02:48

Phoenix flowers

Marelli Wed 15-Jan-14 21:17:19

phoenix, just go with it. It'll pass again. Jack had a fine, fine mum. xx

rockgran Wed 15-Jan-14 21:22:40


Ariadne Wed 15-Jan-14 21:25:09

Dear Phoenix Marelli is so right - Jack has a wonderful mum.

You have been through so much recently, that it isn't surprising that the most painful thing in your life should come to the forefront now. You just cry if you need to, and you really do need to, I think.

We're all here, virtual tissues and shoulders at the ready, brave lady.xx

Charleygirl Wed 15-Jan-14 21:31:48

Phoenix I agree with sunseeker I do not think that one would ever get over losing a child, the best is that you can learn to live with it.

Did the recent trauma of job hunting and interviews etc bring this on or was it looking at photographs which triggered this emotion? I agree with Marelli, his mother was the best.

Hopefully Mr.P will be able to ease your sorrow, just by being there for you.

Agus Wed 15-Jan-14 21:33:06

You've had a lot of emotions going on in your head just now Phoenix, just let it all out and it will pass. ((((Hugs))))

merlotgran Wed 15-Jan-14 21:51:32

Nothing worse than photos for stirring emotions, phoenix Better to give in and have a good howl. You must be feeling drained at the moment but hopefully you'll feel better tomorrow.

Dragonfly1 Wed 15-Jan-14 21:55:27

Dearest Phoenix, my heart goes out to you. I lost my beautiful daughter just over a year ago. The ache is sometimes unendurable. Thoughts and prayers are with you.

ps Wed 15-Jan-14 22:20:59

phoenix & Dragonfly I feel for you and cannot even begin to imagine the pain of losing a child. It makes all other problems pale into insignificance. Treasure the memories.

baubles Wed 15-Jan-14 22:21:39

flowers for you too Dragonfly. I'm so sorry for your terrible loss.

Soutra Wed 15-Jan-14 22:24:01

Don't feel bad about it, Phoenix - tears are an expression of the love for all those years. And as for it having been 5 years - our baby son died 40 years ago and some you may remember how fragile I felt in October around the anniversaary of his birth. For thse who have lost children more recently the pain will still be raw and fresh, but when they say "time heals" maybe it does, or maybe it just enables you to deal with it better. Photos are a great trigger for sadness - I wish I had some though but I can just conjure up the memory of the love we felt for him and the good moments.

Agus Wed 15-Jan-14 22:40:45

My heartfelt sympathy for your terrible loss Dragonfly flowers