Not sure why, but crying.

No parent should ever have to bury their child, it's their worst nightmare. A friend and her husband lost her son just before Christmas, it makes you feel so helpless for them, nothing can take away their pain.

Photos are a powerful trigger for emotions, crying is one of the best ways to let emotion out. I lost my son ages 4 in 1984 and I still miss him and wish he was here on all the special occasions of your life. I wonder what he would have been like if he had lived he would have been 34 next month. There is a diagram used in grief therapy it shows your grief as a large black circle and it was assumed in the past that in time your grief diminished. With up to date attachment theory now it's thought your grief actually doesn,t change but a larger circle which is the rest of your life grows around it. Take care of yourself Phoenix and never feel you have to apologise for your grief. All us mothers who have lost children are members of a club we never wanted to join.

I felt your pain when I read your message. Can't imagine how anyone
ever gets over losing a child. But time will help, not that you will ever get over it fully, but you will learn to live alongside the pain and then one day hopefully realise that the pain is gradually easing a little.
I do send you my heartfelt sympathy and wish I could find better words to help you.

Sonsybesom, that sounds so nice. 'Nice' isn't the right word, I don't suppose, but it's something that's there for you (and maybe only you) to see and keep to yourself. As you say, it does get less raw, but when it raises its head again, the rawness flows back again. .

Iam64 think you are right there! photographs are so very powerful, and I would imagine moving images videos must also be, especially when that person is no longer here.

So sad for you. I embroidered a sampler which includes a pelican with a nest, I put in our four children as chicks, but also the fifth, in among the leaves of the tree. Few know now or would notice, but it comforts me. I agree the loss will always be there, just gets a bit less raw. Thinking of you so muchxxx

positive pam, mollie, Dragonfly you have posted so eloquently, much love and strength to you, may your dark moments be few, and your golden memories many.

xxx

If only there were some magic words that would take away your pain. If only. But there aren't. Photographs do stir up vivid memories which is why they are kept and treasured. This has brought your emotions to the forefront again. This is normal and this is natural. Everyone says time heals, well, I think maybe the pain may ease a bit but it's always there, and when it's triggered by something like photos, or an object, a piece of music, it all floods back again. Treasure your happy memories - they are yours to keep forever.
You are in all our thoughts.
Post on here anytime and we will respond with messages of support. You are not alone. We're here for you.

All I can say is thank you, there are so many of us who have lost a child and we all have many different stories yet we all know what each other is going through and the pain that we carry with us daily. I am a very positive person most of the time and I know my son would not want me to be unhappy so, I try to honour his memory and I decided I would not give control of my life to my sons killer, which is what I would do if I went about constantly moaning and being unhappy. Yes we will have our moments when we cry like we are never going to stop, but I never actually realised how strong I am, because I got through it and have kept going and had to be strong then for my other DC. All you other ladies who have gone through this and are going through this, keep strong and let us live for our DC that cannot. Again I send my love to you all.

My love to you all

for all of you who have lost a child. I can't begin to imagine your pain.

All these stories made me cry so I cannot imagine how you all feel.

Thanks to those of you who have offered such kind words. There is no pain like losing a child, whatever age they are. My darling girl was 36 years old. She died of facial skin cancer two years after giving birth to a son who has Downs Syndrome, and just eighteen months after her dad, my husband, died - also from cancer. She was an amazing young lady, a teacher who inspired hundreds of youngsters with a love of English. She was the best of daughters, a devoted wife and a wonderful mum to their little boy for as long as she was well enough. She was very brave and strong right till the end of her life. Her story is a sad but beautiful one, and I promised her two days before she died that one day, I will write her story. It's still too soon, but it will be written, when the time is right. Warmest regards to everyone who has lost someone they love.

And me - I don't want to imagine the pain. xx

newist You've said it very well and I echo your respect. to all of you.

I am not very good at typing what I would like to say. All of you ladies who have lost children, make me feel very humble. That must be the most unbearable thing a mother has to endure, I have the greatest respect for each and every one of you.

phoenix have only just read this thread. There are no words

I've only just seen this too and want to agree with others - tears of grief are NORMAL - and with positivepam above. I also lost my 16 year old in 1993 & I can't believe it's 20 years ago. 5 years is still not long in grief time so I guess Phoenix you are still having what I call the painful tears which are draining & they often show there is still some sticking point such as anger or guilt etc so they can be a useful signpost of what needs to be done. I don't find the linear models of grief realistic - I go for spirals & cyclical ones (different for every person) where you keep returning to the starting point but hopefully in a different place or manner each time. My answer to "Time Heals" is "only if helpful things happen in that time".

Phoenix never apologise for showing emotion for losing your child. My 17yr old son was murdered in 1993 and there is never a day goes past that I do not think about him, sometimes I cry and sometimes I don't. Sometimes it feels like it is too much to bare and I go through it all again, the totally unprovoked brutal attack of a total innocent boy who was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, it was his birthday in December and off I went again thinking about what might have been. I apologise about waffling on Phoenix, I just want to show you that no matter if it is 1yr on 20 years on 5yrs on or however long, our pain will always be there, but, yes it will ease in time, but always there and sometimes just a picture as you said, will trigger that awful thought.
To all of you who have gone through this, which to me, is the worst pain in the world, I just send my deepest love and best wishes and hopefully at some point, some peace and contentment without that feeling of guilt that you get sometimes.

Yet again I find myself wishing I'd spoken to my mum about all the babies she lost before she had me. And I disagree with that doctor, although he probably meant that the pain would ease in time, not go away completely. Photos are so powerful; I tend to agree with the Native Americans who felt they could capture your soul. But I also believe that love never dies; both the love you felt for that person or the love they felt for you. The pain of losing someone must be as physical as it is mental [a double whammy]; why else do we asscoiate the heart with love, because that's where the pain is felt. Can't take that pain away but perhaps the understanding of people that try to understand how it feels can soften it, albeit only slightly and nowhere near enough and hugs.

To all of you who have lost a child, my heart bleeds for you. I think it must be a terrible loss, no matter what age they are. Crying is perfectly ok. My MIL grieved terribly for the baby son she lost at 6 weeks. It seemed to get worse just before she died when she was in the throes of dementia. She once told me that she was never allowed to talk about it by anyone. Just told to have another one baby to take his place. Thank goodness times have changed.

Big ((hugs)) to you all.

Just read this thread and my heart goes out to the three of you. I almost lost my daughter to cancer 3 years ago and the pain was the worse thing I have ever experienced.All we can do is send our love and hope that life will bring you all some comfort and happiness in the future. God Bless.

Mollie, I missed your post too

I don't know how any of you cope. I struggle to cope with DS1's stroke and we still have him! In my case, the worst thing is the loss of a lovely future for him - I imagine you all feel something of that amongst all the other pain. ((((hugs))))

Just caught up with this thread. I can't even begin to imagine the pain of losing a child. I know they say time is a great healer and maybe the pain lessens but it would never leave you. My grandma still has a cry for the baby she lost nearly 60 years ago and for her two sons who both died when they were in their early 50's .