anyone else's husband this difficult to understand?

good grief ! I think I would feel the same , tell him to treat you with more respect . Ask your Dad what he thinks , bet he would be telling you to join it

My mind boggles - at 2 things, first that during your whole married life you seem never to have done anything on your own outside the home, despite working and at, I suspect, a reasonably responsible level. Did you never want to do an evening class, join the WI, or other organisation, go to a dance or exercise class, to name but a few? Were allowed to shop unaccompanied? Do you really have no friends outside the home?

Secondly, your husband's reaction seems bizarre. You are d**n right. He is being controlling and selfish. He also sounds incredibly insecure. If you have been married for a long time, which, if you have grown-up daughter you must have been, and presumably faithfully, what makes him think that at this stage you are suddenly going to go out actively hunting out a new lover. Is that what he has been doing when he jumps in to his landrover and goes off anywhere he likes?

Sign up and go to the coffee morning and develop new friends, otherwise the day will come when you will be an elderly widow, no friends, no interests outside the house and utterly dependent on your daughter for everything and, however much she loves you, you will become a burden she has to cope with.

I'd raise my one eyebrow at him (I can do that, I believe it's genetic) and say nothing. And I'd carry on regardless...

He is being controlling and selfish. You seem like a wonderful caring person, and deserve a bit of 'you' time so should give the coffee morning group a try. You could invite DH to accompany you. If he refuses he cannot then argue. I do think you need to make a stand although he has already spoilt it for you, which was his intention. I hope you give it a try and gain a social life for yourself. I dare say the group will consist of mainly women. Good luck!

send him to the bloody coffee morning and take the Land Rover and go to the nearest expensive shop with his credit card ! Steam coming out of my ears here

This seems a bit of an extreme reaction. Is your husband feeling insecure for any reason ? Have you always stayed at home ( apart from work) to avoid this sort of conflict .
You need to talk it through with him, reassure and be firm about seeing if this group is for you. Is he able to go with you or would this defeat the object. Don't allow yourself to be controlled in this way.

Having always been the devoted wife and Mum,... Therefore have no social life apart from seeing Daughter , son & his wife and granddaughter now and again

How does that square?

And a retired business woman,no less!

Just do it.

This sort of paranoia can be associated with depression or early dementia - sorry to introduce that into the mix, but if he has not been like this before it is very odd indeed. I am sorry you are having to deal with this.

I agree with others: discuss this with him as he is being totally unreasonable and Victorian in his response. Please do go to the coffee morning...and seek other nice things to do beyond your caring and cleaning roles. I am sorry you have led such an apparently socially restricted life. It is time to spread your wings a bit now, surely. He can join you sometimes, if he likes, but you should not let him stop you. Good luck!

Please just go and enjoy

Offer to take him along. If he agrees and goes, he'll probably get bored, but at least he will have seen that it's harmless. If he doesn't, you will have shown him that you're not trying to get away from him or have any other ulterior motive.

At worst you may find it's not for you, at best, you might make some more lasting friendships - either with or without DH.

Tell him what you've written in the first half of your post - he may not realise how you view your situation at present.

But not going is Not An Option!!

As it seems you have devoted your life to your home and family, your husband probably sees this as the norm and anything that deviates from it as a threat.

It is really important that you have some sort of life outside the home and, although I can understand you feeling upset and anxious about his reaction, I should go ahead. Hopefully, once he sees that his world won't fall apart if you have interests outside the home, he will be glad for you.

Does he have any outside interests/hobbies/friends he meets up with?

Is he like this otherwise or is this a one off? It sounds pretty unreasonable but my late DH got upset back when I was talking to people on Friends Reunited but was never jealous or controlling otherwise. I would just tell him you are going anyway but not make a big fuss unless he starts being difficult in other ways.

Go! Enjoy it! Ask him why he is feeling like he is but make it clear you are still going! Good luck

You are now retired, so what do you do with the hours you used to spend at work? Have your household jobs and the tasks you do for your father expanded to fill the time available for them? Quite apart from the coffee morning club, you must surely have a U3A branch locally which you and your husband can join together. You never know, he might find an interest group he would enjoy and you could make friends who share your interests. Alternatively, there are book groups almost everywhere nowadays - just ask your local library. Please don't give in to his domineering behaviour.

I like gknot's suggestion of the silent, one quizzical eyebrow treatment. Wish I could do that. But I'd be more likely to bite his head off, figuratively speaking. Go anyway and I hope it's great fun.

you seem to have spent your whole married life with just the family and the house, even working from home. did you ever want to work outside the home or was your OH against it, sorry for asking the question. You have taken what seems to be the first step in making a social life and friends outside the family, don't let anyone stop you. In fact find the local WI group and join it not only will they be a friendly supportive group but it also meNs the other half can't accuse you of jouning ust to meet men! Talk it over with your dad and daughter I am sure they will be all for it. As for you OH and the land rover trips, put a trackingdevice in it! Just go for it and make a lufe toenjoy.

Do you spend so much time at your Father's house, that going somewhere else alone, is upsetting your DH, because he sees that as his time with you?
Work out how much time you spend away from him, is it a lot?
Ask him outright what is really bothering him ( does he really think you want to meet men?)
Retired men want to go out with their retired wives ( at least mine does) and as we won't be here forever , we do a lot of things together ( although I still see friends).

No, why should cheerfullizzy choose a nice 'safe' almost entirely woman's group like the WI, which may not be of any interest to her, when there is a nice mixed coffee group just down the road, just because her D?H is utterly unreasonable and controlling.

Having always been the devoted wife and Mum,... Therefore have no social life apart from seeing Daughter , son & his wife and granddaughter now and again.
Why does being a good wife and mother therefore mean the end of all social life except seeing DC, DGC, now and again

GN is full of women who have been good wives and mothers ( I am uncomfortable with the word 'devoted'). They have also held responsible jobs, pursued outside interests, friends and neighbours they socialise with, discovered new continents and explored space, well probably not the last two. But being a good parent and partner does not preclude the rest.

Do you really spend most of your time nipping round to keep your DF company, doing his housework, ironing etc? You certainly seem to prefer his company to your DH. Perhaps that's why your DH feels threatened into believing you may be on the lookout for a new man?

I told my (late) husband I was going to the karate summer school (five nights away on a university campus with a huge group of other karate mad people) and he was actually angry! That was back in 1998 and I've attended that course every year since then. This year will be my 20th course. My husband was awkward and unhelpful the first time but he got used to the idea.

Sorry Monica, I am not suggesting the WI because it is a group for women, but because within a local group there is a whole host of sub groups to cover different interests and activities, have a go at different sports etc. Its not all jam making, and as for the rest of your post I agree whole heartly

He is being unreasonable and you need to nip this in the bud now - or you will end up under a lot of pressure to always reassure him and it wont be good for your health and peace of mind.

Tell him he is being silly and go to the group for a cuppa. I would suggest also start looking for something of a day time interest, local groups or become a charity trustee with your business background.

Good luck.

Just go and tell him not to be so ridiculous it's a coffee morning for goodness sakes.