Oh Loopy what a horrid shock, you must be shaking from head to toe, not only have you found out something pretty seedy about your husband, but he's suddenly not the man you thought you were married to for 40 years and he has betrayed you badly
Ninathenana I think you are trivialising it , to start with it's not just looking at a few undressed girls is it? from Loopies second post there is a lot more to it than a quick sneak at a bit of porn which of course can be accepted especially if the person is upfront about it but this is much deeper stuff ..rent boys, sex escorts, sex chats with a particular girl, looking up sexual contacts for a possible holiday this is NOT just a flippant peek or an computer accident ...it's pretty serious stuff and to me would be as big a betrayal as an affair
Loopy it's now Monday morning I doubt if you ve slept at all I think this will take a lot of thought and working through because although there is not one particular woman ( that you know of at the moment) it is a huge betrayal He will be very defensive, may not want to discuss it, may reflect it back to you and continue saying it's your fault .... I think you are going to have to go through the whole gambit that you would if it was a physical affair and only then will you know if it's something you can get over, the feeling that you have a loving mate has been shattered and has changed for ever only time can tell if it's something you can get over and get past
I think the next few weeks will be turbulent and I wish you lots of luck and I hope you've got someone to talk to, a good girlfriend NOT a famly member My heart goes out to you