I was adopted as a baby and raised as an only child. I was therefore delighted to discover I was not really an only child and have built a relationship with a half sister who lives about 90 minutes away. We were raised in very different circumstances so I accept that might be where our issues stem from but lately her complete lack of social skills and basic good house guest manners are driving me batty. Id love someone else's opinion as to whether I'm being unreasonable.
Sister is in her 30's and I'm in my 40's.
I had invited sister to stay for a few days last week as it was my birthday and we always make the effort to meet up around each other's birthdays. I had been having a clear out before she came so had left a large carrier bag with some of my rather expensive shoes and bags in it for her (she had said on the phone she'd love them. She arrived into the house and the bag was the first thing she asked for but not so much as a simple thank you.
Over the next 6 days she helped herself without asking to whatever food she felt like in the house. She went into the garage and rummaged around in the freezer and helped herself from there too. My husband popped out to the local shops and bought among other things a large bag of crisps. You've guessed it her hand was in the bag to the wrist. We were out and about during that time and never once did she offer to as much as buy me a coffee. She moaned about how broke she was (she doesn't work and has a very patchy work history. Jobs never last long and its always someone else's fault as to why they end). In my house she got up, ate, sat on the sofa and watched tv and then repeated the cycle. She never lifted a finger to do even the smallest of tasks such as offering to hang out some washing on the line. She then had the audacity one day to suggest that I never sat down and was always on the go. I wanted to scream at her "Yes that's because I have a very lazy house guest who isn't exactly doing much to help".
I think one of my biggest temper risers was my actual birthday present. My sister is so desperate for a husband (never married) that any man with a pulse is acceptable and she's talking marriage and babies within the first few weeks of dating. The last bloke was treated to a night away in a fancy hotel for his birthday within 6 weeks of them being together. The latest bloke has been around 3-4 weeks yet when we were out one day she was looking at gifts costing around £15 she was considering bringing him. I got an el-cheapo best sister mug! Now I don't need her money but its the principle as I feel her fleeting menfolk mean more to her than I do in that they get far more spent on them. My husband said maybe it's a case of she doesn't feel she needs to buy me or prove anything with me but she's so desperate for male love and attention that she spends all this money on them?
My husband said as the week went on he could see my stress levels rising. I grew more and more resentful and felt I was being taken for a complete ride. Anytime I stay with friends I help out around the house and take them out for a really nice meal to say thank you for having me. I'd also slip in the odd coffee and cake when we're out and about.
Am I being totally unreasonable to expect a house guest particularly a family member to at least help out in a small way while they are in my home. Is it really money grabbing of me to think that its wrong to stay with someone 6 days and not so much as buy them a coffee. Am I wrong to feel so miffed that menfolk who have been around 5 minutes get higher value gifts than I do.
End of rant but thank you in advance for any insight offered.
Acceptable? - husband
Not proud - DIL behaviour
Comeback? - housework