Wills and estranged children.

Thank you all for your replies, it obviously touched a nerve with a lot of people. I think I always knew deep down what to do, felt uneasy about the whole situation. One thing I do know without doubt, I would never leave money to an addict, it would go straight into either the drink, the drugs or the gambling, in two of those cases they would probably overdose and could die, I would leave their share to organisations that are there to help them recover or another family member in the hope that should they recover they could have the money as start up.
Thank you all,sorry for all those people with family problems, it seems most people have a problem in their family, albeit different.

Ive just made a 2nd will with a new solicitor.With my husband .
Ive been very chronically ill since i was 36 yeaes old .Im now 56 and practically bedbound and and house bound .My eldest son who i love, has never come near us in ten years .He cut hinself off when he met his wife .She only wants her own family, and has issues.
However , we were seeing two of my grandsons every friday .But since july 1st , my health took a terrible turn, and i wasnt able to have them for 11 weeks
.I was broken hearted.I also have a baby grandson, that ive just not able to look after .Hes too much for me .I feel terrbly guilty abt this .
But tgere is onky myself and my husband We have no help and friends are gone long ago .Either dead or dropped.These no money just the house .My eldest DS .Has a good house a good hov and is managing very well .Hes wife is in a professonal .
job.
My younger son thoufh a bit of a drinker has akways been close to us Aithough he worjs ever hour hes very poorely paid.Hes had to rent houses since he was young .My house isnt very big but has everest windiws and cinservatoty almodern cons .My sin never asks after me and we just get one curt text a week lije are ya having the kids today.No other pleasentries .So after much heart wrenching i left money to the grandsons and the house to my youngest.I told my don if he ever sells to split the money with hus brother.But that may never happen as the solicitor said yoy cant ditacte that in a will once you have gifted the house .I feel he wont want anything from us any way .Weve tried asking tge reason why other many years He jyst gives the excuse working all the time .Its broke my heart and made my health so much worse .Im going to keave a letter calked a whish letter.I was a good mum and didnt derserve this neglect .Esoecually wgen he nos i lost my only sister at 55 to bowel cancer and that we have no life or friends.Snd thst ice no ebergy to join clubs or lice a proper life

Oh god this phones key board
Soz abt all the spelling mistakes i should have checked it .

Doesn't matter at all about the mistakes, Helmsley. I'm sorry for your situation. Must be very difficult.

Starlady thank you for you kindness. I doubt anyone has told her as the other ac are fed up with her too. If they have, I really don't care. Sounds harsh, but enough is enough.

I agree total my youngest son will be very wealthy now due to my eldest son being so abusive towards me,long story.

My mother has threatened to cut.me.out.of.her will.A.lot of my parents.money has.gone.to a.sibling already .So.I.am.not sure.of.any legacy in my older.age and.now.have to wait.as.a..waspi for.my pension .I.have had a.hard life with enough for.now.despite being t her for.them.I.am.now.forced to channel.my energies.in earning a.living said.mother lives 60'miles.a way how far.can I stretch I feel unloved and this.parent brought me.into the world.so I feel.trapped.and.resentful and scared.

Luckylegs9. I was going to say just divide everything equally between all your children to make things simpler and to avoid bad feelings between siblings but after reading your second post I have changed my mind. No way would the estranged one be getting anything after the hurt caused to you. Perhaps leave something to GC as estrangement might not be their fault and you don't know what they've been told by this parent.

I was sorry to read your post italiangirl and wish I knew what to say to you.

I wonder if it might be an idea when thinking about your future finances to discount any possible legacy from your mother's will. Doing so may help you feel less trapped and afraid if you have more control and are not dependent of your mother's good will; anything she may leave you would be a bonus rather than a necessity.

It's understandable that you feel resentful and it's truly awful to feel unloved by someone whose love you understandably believed would be there for ever; a parents love or a child's.

As someone who has worked in the legal profession for the last 40 years plus I have seen a great deal of the impact inheritances have on people. Also the problems it causes when people either don't make Wills or whose Wills are poorly drawn up. Many people, especially those who don't have children to inherit, seem to think they have to leave their estate to family, in many cases nieces and nephews they haven't seen for years. You can always leave money to charity. You can always leave a Letter of Wishes with your Will explaining why you haven't included someone as a beneficiary. Personally if a child of mine (fortunately I have a wonderful son and daughter) ignored me for years I would want to leave what I have to the child who had cared for me. In the case of one sibling better better off than another, I think this needs to be discussed while you are still alive and see how they feel. Certainly personal items should still be shared out equally. However you feel, please, please make a Will that totally reflects your wishes.

Sorry to read all the sad stories for all.

My nice daughter will inherit all with 10% for each of my three grandchildren, two of which are from my estranged daughter.
I have stated in my will, that due to my estD's cruelty to her mum, sister & little girl [my GD]she is not to be rewarded, even if we reunited in the future, as the damage she has done to her birth family can never be healed. This daughter was a much loved & adored child & sister, with no reason to do what she has done.

She took my GD [her D] from being the most loved, adored & cherished little girl in the whole wide world, to being an unloved stepchild, with no one to protect her or love her! Unforgiveable!

We have just decided to make our wills. We have excluded our estranged son. There has been provision made for our GD with him even though we made the choice to cut contact after a string of issues with him and his GF. He has mentioned several times to us about his inheritance and that it would be lovely if he could have it early! We only ever get calls from him for money. For these reasons for now we have removed him from our will. A very hard decision but one we feel we have to do.
I hope that you can talk together and come to a decision that feels right for you both.

It is a very difficult decision to make Chris and I'm sorry that you've found yourself in the position that makes it necessary.

We found it hard disinheriting our ES but once it was done, felt better for it. I hope you feel better having made your changes.

Chris I think it heartless for your son to ask for his inheritance early, inheritance isn't a given, it's what's left over after you are dead and buried, you may decide to spend all your money and leave nothing!

Thinking about my will and with my ND planning another baby, I realise I need to change it to being just £5,000 per GC, otherwise my ND will have 40% cut off her slice, which wouldn't be right, especially as I haven't seen my first & second GC for 5yrs to-date