Wills and estranged children.

Chris I think it heartless for your son to ask for his inheritance early, inheritance isn't a given, it's what's left over after you are dead and buried, you may decide to spend all your money and leave nothing!

Thinking about my will and with my ND planning another baby, I realise I need to change it to being just £5,000 per GC, otherwise my ND will have 40% cut off her slice, which wouldn't be right, especially as I haven't seen my first & second GC for 5yrs to-date

It is a very difficult decision to make Chris and I'm sorry that you've found yourself in the position that makes it necessary.

We found it hard disinheriting our ES but once it was done, felt better for it. I hope you feel better having made your changes.

We have just decided to make our wills. We have excluded our estranged son. There has been provision made for our GD with him even though we made the choice to cut contact after a string of issues with him and his GF. He has mentioned several times to us about his inheritance and that it would be lovely if he could have it early! We only ever get calls from him for money. For these reasons for now we have removed him from our will. A very hard decision but one we feel we have to do.
I hope that you can talk together and come to a decision that feels right for you both.

Sorry to read all the sad stories for all.

My nice daughter will inherit all with 10% for each of my three grandchildren, two of which are from my estranged daughter.
I have stated in my will, that due to my estD's cruelty to her mum, sister & little girl [my GD]she is not to be rewarded, even if we reunited in the future, as the damage she has done to her birth family can never be healed. This daughter was a much loved & adored child & sister, with no reason to do what she has done.

She took my GD [her D] from being the most loved, adored & cherished little girl in the whole wide world, to being an unloved stepchild, with no one to protect her or love her! Unforgiveable!

As someone who has worked in the legal profession for the last 40 years plus I have seen a great deal of the impact inheritances have on people. Also the problems it causes when people either don't make Wills or whose Wills are poorly drawn up. Many people, especially those who don't have children to inherit, seem to think they have to leave their estate to family, in many cases nieces and nephews they haven't seen for years. You can always leave money to charity. You can always leave a Letter of Wishes with your Will explaining why you haven't included someone as a beneficiary. Personally if a child of mine (fortunately I have a wonderful son and daughter) ignored me for years I would want to leave what I have to the child who had cared for me. In the case of one sibling better better off than another, I think this needs to be discussed while you are still alive and see how they feel. Certainly personal items should still be shared out equally. However you feel, please, please make a Will that totally reflects your wishes.

I was sorry to read your post italiangirl and wish I knew what to say to you.

I wonder if it might be an idea when thinking about your future finances to discount any possible legacy from your mother's will. Doing so may help you feel less trapped and afraid if you have more control and are not dependent of your mother's good will; anything she may leave you would be a bonus rather than a necessity.

It's understandable that you feel resentful and it's truly awful to feel unloved by someone whose love you understandably believed would be there for ever; a parents love or a child's.

Luckylegs9. I was going to say just divide everything equally between all your children to make things simpler and to avoid bad feelings between siblings but after reading your second post I have changed my mind. No way would the estranged one be getting anything after the hurt caused to you. Perhaps leave something to GC as estrangement might not be their fault and you don't know what they've been told by this parent.

My mother has threatened to cut.me.out.of.her will.A.lot of my parents.money has.gone.to a.sibling already .So.I.am.not sure.of.any legacy in my older.age and.now.have to wait.as.a..waspi for.my pension .I.have had a.hard life with enough for.now.despite being t her for.them.I.am.now.forced to channel.my energies.in earning a.living said.mother lives 60'miles.a way how far.can I stretch I feel unloved and this.parent brought me.into the world.so I feel.trapped.and.resentful and scared.

I agree total my youngest son will be very wealthy now due to my eldest son being so abusive towards me,long story.

Starlady thank you for you kindness. I doubt anyone has told her as the other ac are fed up with her too. If they have, I really don't care. Sounds harsh, but enough is enough.

Doesn't matter at all about the mistakes, Helmsley. I'm sorry for your situation. Must be very difficult.

Oh god this phones key board
Soz abt all the spelling mistakes i should have checked it .

Ive just made a 2nd will with a new solicitor.With my husband .
Ive been very chronically ill since i was 36 yeaes old .Im now 56 and practically bedbound and and house bound .My eldest son who i love, has never come near us in ten years .He cut hinself off when he met his wife .She only wants her own family, and has issues.
However , we were seeing two of my grandsons every friday .But since july 1st , my health took a terrible turn, and i wasnt able to have them for 11 weeks
.I was broken hearted.I also have a baby grandson, that ive just not able to look after .Hes too much for me .I feel terrbly guilty abt this .
But tgere is onky myself and my husband We have no help and friends are gone long ago .Either dead or dropped.These no money just the house .My eldest DS .Has a good house a good hov and is managing very well .Hes wife is in a professonal .
job.
My younger son thoufh a bit of a drinker has akways been close to us Aithough he worjs ever hour hes very poorely paid.Hes had to rent houses since he was young .My house isnt very big but has everest windiws and cinservatoty almodern cons .My sin never asks after me and we just get one curt text a week lije are ya having the kids today.No other pleasentries .So after much heart wrenching i left money to the grandsons and the house to my youngest.I told my don if he ever sells to split the money with hus brother.But that may never happen as the solicitor said yoy cant ditacte that in a will once you have gifted the house .I feel he wont want anything from us any way .Weve tried asking tge reason why other many years He jyst gives the excuse working all the time .Its broke my heart and made my health so much worse .Im going to keave a letter calked a whish letter.I was a good mum and didnt derserve this neglect .Esoecually wgen he nos i lost my only sister at 55 to bowel cancer and that we have no life or friends.Snd thst ice no ebergy to join clubs or lice a proper life

Thank you all for your replies, it obviously touched a nerve with a lot of people. I think I always knew deep down what to do, felt uneasy about the whole situation. One thing I do know without doubt, I would never leave money to an addict, it would go straight into either the drink, the drugs or the gambling, in two of those cases they would probably overdose and could die, I would leave their share to organisations that are there to help them recover or another family member in the hope that should they recover they could have the money as start up.
Thank you all,sorry for all those people with family problems, it seems most people have a problem in their family, albeit different.

Daisy, sorry you're hurting. But if your other ac know your plan, isn't it possible that they've told the one who owes you a lot? Be prepared for her to bring it up with you.

So many sad stories!

I have changed my will recently as 3 of my 4 children owe me money, one of them a lot. I have stated in my will, that if there is any money left to inherit, then it should be divided evenly and then the amounts owing taken out. I felt that this would be fair as one AC has paid me back completely and so shouldn't be penalised because of the others. It may be that two will get a little, one nothing and the third a bit more.

I haven't explained this to the one who owes me a lot because there is only contact when she wants more and the bank of Mum is closed in her case. I will when the opportunity arises. She has hurt my heart in so many ways and now even though I love her, I refuse to let her use me any more.

The others know and accept the fairness of this decision. I do think writing a letter to confirm this would be a good idea and will do that soon.

Anyway, I may spend all of my little stash before I pop my clogs - who knows?

If included siblings feel it is unfair they can always rectify it. An aunt of dh's with no children left her estate to her nephews, but later cut one of them out because she felt his wife was an appalling spendthrift (she was) and didn't want her to have the spending of any of her money.
However by the time she died they were divorced and the other brothers reinstated him. They all have to agree, though.

My father had 3 full siblings and 3 half sisters. One sibling died in the war and the other 2 siblings had nothing to do with their father for decades. One of the 3 half sisters moved in with my grandfather after her mother died and told lies to turn him against her sisters, so he cut the sisters out of his will and left everything to the 1st half sister and my Dad. My grandfather realised what she had done and was going to change his will again, but died suddenly before he could do so. My father gave the other 2 half sisters part of his inheritance. The 1st half sister had nothing to do with the family, except she phoned my Mum after my Dad died to find out if he had left her anything in his will! (He hadn't!) Eventually she died alone and wasn't found for weeks. Nobody could find a will, so all her estate was shared between the 2 half sisters! ( One had died, so her children shared her half.) Poetic justice?

My mother excluded my eldest brother. He had 'borrowed' so much money over the previous 35 or so years. He probably had far more than me, my sister and younger brother had left us in her will.

My Mil disinherited her son, my DH, in favour of her daughter. My husband suffered greatly as a result of this rejection. His mother's memory is sullied. His relationship with his sister subsequently broke down completely. I am sure that if my Mil knew the effect this would have had she would not have take this path. It would have been slightly better had she left some explanation. We have one offspring who has been more successful in material terms than his siblings, but our estate will be split equally.

Pressed to soon.

He already feel abandoned, he hasn't said it but you can see it.

A letter would be nice. Just a genuine nice letter.
Maybe a token gift. Doesn't have to be money. Something to show them you care.

Georgia491 that is so hard for you !

DH is estranged from his parents. He didn't have much choice really due to how they treated us all.

I can see it though, in his face at birthdays and christmas when they don't send a card or even text. I want to grab her and just give her a good shake, admit what shes done for the sake of her relationship with her son 'i don't know what I've done' is played out over and over again. She knows. She just doesn't want to admit to him, me, anyone that maybe, just maybe she messed up.

He won't be left anything, not there is anything. He just wants his parents to give a shit now.

There isn't any 'shame' in any of this. Each and every persons story is their own.

My mother has disinherited me for no reason other than that she prefers my brother, who has done nothing but take from her. I can't tell you how bad this makes me feel. In my own will my children are all getting exactly the same and I would be ashamed to treat them otherwise.