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Sunday lunch today

(129 Posts)
Hilmix Sun 17-Mar-19 15:43:38

Today I set about lunch early In an effort to please my husband
We were having rump steak, garlic stuffed mushrooms, tenderstem broccoli, carrots (as ever,) with onion gravy and my husband's favourite, roasties. I had asked if he is would like sweet potato wedges instead with the steak but he said 'no'.
After sitting down to it, he pronounced the steak to be tough ( it wasn't) I showed how it had the required amount of kindness through the middle so he then blamed his knife .
I offered to swap with my piece but he said there was no point in us both having tough steak
Then the broccoli was hard. Followed by a sulk when I mentioned that most veg tastes better when it isn't reduced to slop. Hush my mouth...
He pronounced the meal ok but enthused over the shop bought sticky toffee pudding and squirty cream we had for pudding.
I am now in my room trying to calm my thoughts. I think the time has come to insist on simple lunches on Sunday, no more the hours spent trying to please. I feel bad to be so upset considering the terrible things happening in the world just now but I feel totally useless...
PS I spent the morning listening to Leonard Cohen whilst preparing lunch when our usual scenario is for husband to watch John Wayne saving the Wild West or winning WW2 single-handed. Maybe me having my choice meant I had to be punished. Who knows?

Hilmix Sun 17-Mar-19 15:46:05

P inkness not kindness☺

Granmary18 Sun 17-Mar-19 15:55:02

Dear me. He is being thoughtless and rude ...but having said that none of this makes you useless. Tough steak...just say "Oh dear, mine isn't!" Hard broccolli...just say "Oh dear! Mine isn't!" Meal ok ..."That's good!"

And yes ...simple lunches seems a good way forward...unless he would like to take turns at the cooking of them, when he can ofcourse cook what he likes!

Yes you should stop trying to please but I suspect you are in a pattern of that in your marriage and he will expect you to continue! Expect sulking!

You must have good taste listening to Leonard Cohen ...brilliant!

Chewbacca Sun 17-Mar-19 16:02:57

I'm afraid that I'd be serving up a " grab a meal from the freezer, jab a fork in the top, bung it in the microwave and ding ding it for 3 minutes" meal, after all that Hilmix.

If he can't be bothered being polite; I'm damned sure I couldn't be bothered going the extra mile to please him from now on.

Ilovecheese Sun 17-Mar-19 16:08:45

Agree with Chewbacca If you would like a home cooked Sunday dinner then cook one for yourself and give him a ready meal. If you would just like a simple snack then make one for yourself and give him a ready meal.

Tell him that as he enjoys ready prepared food from the supermarket more than he enjoys your cooking you have decided to do him a favour and stop cooking for him.

Poppyred Sun 17-Mar-19 16:39:41

Yes, ready meals for a week should do it! 😂😂

NanaandGrampy Sun 17-Mar-19 16:56:24

Crikey - how was it that you dint clock him over his head with the gravy boat ;-) ???

It sounds like he was just looking to find fault. I am totally with granmary don't rise to the bait and suggest you take turns cooking going forward... I speak from experience.... Grampy is currently slaving over a hot stove preparing roast pork !!!

He prefers meat and 2 veg, I don't so Sundays are now his territory in the kitchen. Makes us both happy !

fiorentina51 Sun 17-Mar-19 17:09:08

My OH is also slaving over a hot stove. I appreciate anything he cooks for me as did he when I was chief cook.
How unkind of your husband to pick fault.
Other posters have offered some good advice....good luck. 💐

Hilmix Sun 17-Mar-19 19:19:55

Thanks for the replies, Gransnetters. Yes, he can be very thoughtless and rude when he's not being kind and loving. No half measures with him !
I will try a ready meal next Sunday, less washing up anyway.I could offset this by baking a cake using the recipe from the film The Help ........😈😋

grannylyn65 Sun 17-Mar-19 19:23:59

I know just what you mean by The Help! Do the rest of you know! 🤮

aggie Sun 17-Mar-19 19:24:05

This is so sad , I feel he is a bully

Farmor15 Sun 17-Mar-19 20:00:45

My OH thinks he is a brilliant cook and either didn’t praise or found fault with my cooking. I just ignored mostly, but occasionally told him how much time and trouble I had taken. More recently he does sometimes comment that the dinner was tasty. Not sure why he changed, but seems to find cooking himself more of an effort these days.

As others have said, cook to please yourself, not him.

NanKate Sun 17-Mar-19 20:18:00

Hilmix at the beginning of your thread you said ‘In an effort to please my husband’ which set off alarm bells in my head. Also ‘maybe me having my choice meant I had to be punished’. May I ask is he controlling ?

It is understandable that you wanted to cook a nice meal but why does your husband need to be pandered too ?

Perhaps I am asking questions you won’t want to answer, but this thread in my mind is far more about how your husband treats you than what you had to eat today.

I hope I haven’t overstepped the mark but I think your DH needs standing up to. He sounds a bully to me.

aggie Sun 17-Mar-19 20:20:52

Yes definitely alarm bells heard xx please take care of yourself and please yourself

Lily65 Sun 17-Mar-19 20:26:51

Your opening sentence says it all. My life is far from perfect but that's not on.

Lily65 Sun 17-Mar-19 20:27:56

Times have moved on, go for a walk eat cheese on toast.

Jane10 Sun 17-Mar-19 20:57:52

Suggest that he take you out for Sunday lunch next week as he's apparently not enjoyed the one you kindly made.

lemongrove Sun 17-Mar-19 21:12:18

We had pizzas today 😄
The question is, does your DH always complain about meals, or rarely?
Steak can be tough sometimes, even expensive meat.
I prefer soft broccoli and carrots too!

Hilmix Sun 17-Mar-19 22:40:56

Plenty to think about here ! I do need to stand up for myself more . The Sunday lunch may have met its end. Roll on macaroni cheese,baked potato .... or meals that can be zapped. I'm done.

SpringyChicken Sun 17-Mar-19 22:57:33

Maybe it's your husband's turn to cook the meal and he can see for himself how easy it is.

NanKate Mon 18-Mar-19 06:41:21

Well done Hilmix now is the time to stand up for yourself.

Liz46 Mon 18-Mar-19 06:48:10

Now that we are both retired my husband and I take it in turn to cook. The one who hasn't cooked does the clearing up afterwards. It works for us.

I am not surprised that you were 'miffed'. Time to make changes perhaps?

Anja Mon 18-Mar-19 07:28:11

Yes, definitely a week of ready meals!

KatyK Mon 18-Mar-19 09:13:15

I can't remember the last time I cooked a roast dinner. Too much of a palarver.

B9exchange Mon 18-Mar-19 09:37:50

Last Sunday was a big birthday for me. DH does half the cooking in our house, but gallantly says I am the better cook. He laid on a roast sunday lunch for 13, roast chicken and roast beef, with all the trimmings. The AC set the table and helped him dish out, but it was all perfectly cooked and hot, I was so proud of him.

If I do mess up, he might gently say something, but it would have to be a bad mistake, and obviously justified, and I would reluctantly do the same if he was cooking. No-one likes being criticised, it does rankle. Driving is another issue with us, neither of us can bear the slightest hint of criticism!

If his steak was tough (does happen) and mine wasn't, I would offer to swap, and if that was refused, probably announce 'suit yourself, I did offer'! If he likes his vegetables soggy all the time, I might dish everything up including my veg, and leave his boiling to death whilst serving everything else, putting them on at his plate at the last minute.

I am really hoping your OP was written in exasperation and half in jest, if I really thought he could think of punishing you for listening to Leonard Cohen while you cook, I would be really worried for you?

jusnoneed Mon 18-Mar-19 10:27:45

Give him beans on toast!

Must admit I have given up cooking Sunday roasts, I seemed to spend all my time in the kitchen prepping or clearing up. My son doesn't like roast anyway, and to have a nice piece of beef or lamb it nearly needs a mortgage to pay for them!
I roast a chook mid week sometimes for OH and myself.

razzmatazz Mon 18-Mar-19 10:41:36

Stop cooking lovey meals from now on. Beans on toast or scrambled egg. If he says anything reply " Well, you didn't like the steak I cooked last time so I am keeping it simple and not so expensive."

quizqueen Mon 18-Mar-19 10:42:58

Tell him that next Sunday, he purchases the ingredients, prepares, cooks and serves them and does all the clearing away and you will enjoy the rest from cooking.

jaylucy Mon 18-Mar-19 10:44:16

Quite frankly, your husband sounds like a grumpy old *!!!
There are some men that whatever you do, you can't please them.
Sounds like he is one of those men that likes his routine, and gets stroppy when it's spoilt for any reason but I don't understand why you think you are being punished just because he reckoned that nothing was right with his main course? If he sulks on a regular basis like this, I suggest you point him in the direction of the kitchen and tell him that you won't cook him a nice dinner on a Sunday unless he either takes you out for lunch or he cooks it himself as he didn't appreciate the last meal you went to so much trouble to cook and stop looking to him to approve of things that you do !

muffinthemoo Mon 18-Mar-19 10:45:12

Microwave pasta meal next Sunday.

Tell him you are trying to save on the grocery budget.

No point wasting effort and food on someone determined to be a pain in the backside about it.

Coconut Mon 18-Mar-19 10:46:51

Even the best of cooks has the occasional disaster and most just laugh it off. As others have said, stop trying to please him, be yourself and take control. If he wants to sulk or huff n puff, let him, get your coat on and go have coffee with your girlfriends. Controlling, bullying etc are harsh words however, it’s sometimes indirect and takes over slowly but surely. As you rightly say, there are so many other awful things happening n the world today, but you can take control of your own happiness and peace of mind and that does not mean treading on eggshells with an old grump who seriously needs to get over himself.

sarahcyn Mon 18-Mar-19 10:47:42

DEFINITELY his turn to cook next Sunday.

Bekind Mon 18-Mar-19 10:49:59

Next time you could just tell him with a sweet smile on your face, "I'm so sorry your meal is terrible!" as you are dumping it into the trash! Then turn up Leonard! smile

loltara Mon 18-Mar-19 10:50:06

Buy him a cookery lesson course for his birthday. Read the Freedom Program online and you will learn all the characteristics of domestic abuse.

nipsmum Mon 18-Mar-19 10:55:18

Reading this thread makes me so glad I no longer have an obnoxious ungrateful male living with me.

Margs Mon 18-Mar-19 10:55:56

Microwave meals for one. With baked beans. No pudding.

Serves him right, whinging git!

annab275 Mon 18-Mar-19 10:56:10

Sulky people are best ignored - it took me a long time to learn this. The more you please yourself than others who don’t appreciate you, the better and the more appreciative they become. It’s time to turn the tables - I guarantee it will be very liberating!

breeze Mon 18-Mar-19 10:57:26

Nothing like a bit of Leonard Cohen to improve a mood. May I suggest next time he criticises your culinary skills you listen to The Ying Tong Song grin

Jane43 Mon 18-Mar-19 10:58:24

How frustrating for you. My thoughts:

Why don’t you suggest taking turns to cook the Sunday lunch? My DH has now taken over the Sunday lunch cooking, although we usually have it in the early evening, enjoys it and is better at it than me. We take it in turns in the week but sometimes have different meals and cook our own.

How does he like his steak cooked? If he likes it well done it will tend to be tough.

John Wayne? Just out of interest how old is he? Surely there are much better films to watch these days.

breeze Mon 18-Mar-19 10:59:57

Here ya go

Catlover123 Mon 18-Mar-19 11:00:13

he would have been wearing that steak as a face mask if it had been me! my husband would never be so rude to complain about everything. I would have asked him if he needed new teeth!

Quickdraw Mon 18-Mar-19 11:00:23

If he doesn't like your cooking don't cook for him. He sounds rude and ungrateful and I'm sorry but that does not balance out with "kind and loving" sometimes angry

lilihu Mon 18-Mar-19 11:00:37

Oh dear, I feel your miffedness!! (Yes, I invented that term). I would feel the same. I hope this was just a one off and not a pattern of rude behaviour. Anyone who has cooked a meal like the one you describe knows how much effort goes into it. The effort alone deserves praise and thanks!
I can’t remember when we last had a roast lunch, special cooked lunch or even two courses! When we were first married both of us had a go at “Sunday Lunch”. We both decided it took far too long, was too much to eat, and we preferred lighter meals. We eat normally each day, light lunch, hot evening meal. The only time we manage a pudding is if we’ve had a very light evening meal. We take it in turns to cook and clear up.
We all have our different routines, but it sounds like you need a change in yours. Maybe have a quiet chat when he’s in a more cheery mood. Explain that you no longer intend to spend wasted time and effort on cooking a meal that disappoints him. Ask him for suggestions or offer him the chance to cook if he wants an expensive or elaborate meal. Maybe this will make him rethink his attitude?

Craftycat Mon 18-Mar-19 11:04:26

Not a problem. Obviously he will want to take you out for dinner next Sunday as he doesn't like your cooking.
I gave up on Sunday lunches years ago- we eat in evening now but not usually a big meal.
I hope he enjoys The Help cake- love that scene in the film & book.

Hollydoilly10 Mon 18-Mar-19 11:05:39

Why are you putting up with his mental abuse— yes that’s what it is. He’s blooming lucky to get his meal cooked at all.
If I were you I’d stop cooking for him till he apologises for his dreadful behaviour
If he were a friend would you still keep the friendship

Fernbergien Mon 18-Mar-19 11:06:56

Very interesting what you have to say. I am known to be a good cook - I don’t mean elaborate meals but some years back had friends round and he said carrots not done enough at the table . He did it again when family round and son was furious as there was nothing wrong and the made a point of eating all up. He can’t boil an egg!!! I think it is a put down technique.

Rmegan Mon 18-Mar-19 11:10:14

It sounds as though you are married to my ex husband 😂 I used to do the very same spend hours in the kitchen cooking Sunday lunch that was never as good as his mums and always adding tomato ketchup. One Sunday totally fed up with this I asked him why he added the ketchup after I’d spent so long cooking he said “to add some flavour”. I had had enough I got up calmly walked to his side of the table told him that I knew exactly what would give it more flavour and shoved his head into it and never cooked a dinner again.

BTW he was a John Wayne fanatic too we even had an awful statue of him stood on the windowsill in the loo 🤮

Ramblingrose22 Mon 18-Mar-19 11:10:43

Hilmix - was the Sunday lunch the first time he complained or does he complain about other meals you cook?
Is he complaining about lots of other things as well, because it could be that there is something else going on.
If the complaints are all about and only about your cooking then let him know that he'll have to cook main meals in future. If he says he doesn't know how to, then send him on a cookery course (though you can't force him to attend!).
Cook what you enjoy eating, don't pander to him and tell him that if he doesn't like it he can cook his own meals in future.
I think you'll find that the complaints suddenly stop!

Fernbergien Mon 18-Mar-19 11:11:24

I meant son made a point of eating all the carrots.

Willow10 Mon 18-Mar-19 11:11:46

Hilmix 😁

I have never - and never would, criticise a meal that anyone had cooked for me, no matter what it was like. (Unless I'm paying for it of course!) How rude! If my meals were criticized I'd just say ' Well, you know where the kitchen is. If you don't like it, do it yourself!' Thank goodness I'm captain of my own ship and don't have to put up with that sort of thing any more.

Schoey Mon 18-Mar-19 11:14:54

My first thoughts were cook something you want and stop listening to Leonard Cohen enough to make anyone sad !!![tongue in cheek ] lol seriously though I’d book a meal out and discuss the cooking arrangements

knspol Mon 18-Mar-19 11:15:02

He sounds like someone who turns into a spoilt child when he doesn't get his own way. Only way imo is to ignore him. Cook or don't cook whatever YOU feel like doing and if he complains tell him he can cook if he wants.

ReadyMeals Mon 18-Mar-19 11:17:58

You may be an amazing cook, but if he doesn't like your cooking style obviously there's no point putting all that effort in for his sake. You could compromise - make sloppy veg and mince half the meals, and your preferred style the other half - giving him the option of making himself something different if he wants to on those days.

Supernan Mon 18-Mar-19 11:22:40

If he lived with me he would be cooking his own meal and not just on Sundays.

susanstroud Mon 18-Mar-19 11:28:09

It is never about what it seems to be. He is down, emotionally tired or sad. I eeds when I feel depressed or down, nothing pleases me. So, the real issue needs to be addressed. Find out what that is and his meal will be good.

SecretOrphan Mon 18-Mar-19 11:34:35

Hi, not wishing to scare or upset anyone, but my dad started like this and would complain about savoury foods but devour sweet stuff as if it was going out of fashion. He sulked like a child. It turned out he had Alzheimer's, so start keeping a log of his behaviour and see if there is a pattern. Sorry you had to endure this kind of upset after putting in so much effort. Your listening to your choice of music might have upset his balance of 'normal', just a thought. Good luck.

HappyBee Mon 18-Mar-19 11:35:48

I’m a useless cook anyway but I seem to enjoy it more now that we have a new kitchen. My hubby hardly ever complains because I used to say “well if you don’t like my cooking then do it yourself”! We take in turns now and whoever doesn’t do the cooking, does the washing up! smile

blueskies Mon 18-Mar-19 11:37:37

Pubs do some super Sunday lunches now and no washing up. My friends all widowed or divorced stopped cooking on Sunday when we became independent. It's a day off for goodness sake.

Liz46 Mon 18-Mar-19 11:42:10

Give him a cookery book to read!

hugaby Mon 18-Mar-19 11:50:15

Hilmix, I suggest you buy your husband a ready roast cooked meal from M&S or Sainsburys. You cannot then be blamed as to how it has been cooked!! You can then have what you want, cooked the way you like it!

25Avalon Mon 18-Mar-19 11:52:37

Was the meal your choice? if not take it in turns to have what he wants one week and what you want the next. Personally as the cook since my dh is useless in the kitchen I give him a couple of choices from what I want to do and it is simple or complicated depending how much time or how I am feeling or what I fancy. I like a roast dinner myself so he is lucky but at least dh rarely complains or if he does I don't feel it's my fault. If he likes his vegetables cooked to a pulp then take yours out first how you like them and leave his in for a bit longer. Just don't let him get to you. If he says the steak is tough tell him you won't buy it from that shop again. Give him a sharp serrated steak knife everytime and ask him if there is something wrong with his teeth as perhaps that's where the real problem lies and why he's behaving like a grumpy old git. Do soft meat like chicken another time, no more steaks since he can't eat them!!

Gilly1952 Mon 18-Mar-19 11:56:46

What an ungrateful, miserable old sod he sounds, Hilmix. Next Sunday, suggest he takes you out for a Roast and let him pay and see how that suits him! I certainly would not be spending all morning preparing a meal, only to be criticised when it was served up. Keep listening to dear old Leonard and have a few glasses of something nice! If the old misery refuses to go out for lunch, just get some microwave dinners and see how he likes that! Or tell him to cook it himself. Good Luck and don’t let him treat you in this way. xx

H1954 Mon 18-Mar-19 11:59:12

Unkind, ungrateful and unreasonable springs to mind! I think I'd be telling him to cook it himself next time!

JaneLynda Mon 18-Mar-19 12:08:56

As he enthused over the shop bought pudding and synthetic cream, maybe you should buy him ready meals instead of going to so much effort 😬

PopMaster34 Mon 18-Mar-19 12:11:39


Tweedle24 Mon 18-Mar-19 12:18:37

Can I come and have Sunday lunch at your house? I promise not to criticise. 😆

Wotl3y Mon 18-Mar-19 12:20:18

Get him to take you out to lunch from now definitely deserve to be looked after.

Newatthis Mon 18-Mar-19 12:32:15

'Maybe me having my choice meant I had to be punished. Who knows?' - I'm sorry but have you got 'victim' tattooed on your forehead! If you think you deserve him to treat you this way, without standing up for yourself, then perhaps, in a subconsciously your allowing him to do so. Next time cook your own and let him cook his. There is no difference between badly behaved adults and badly behaved children -they need to learn lessons!

sarahellenwhitney Mon 18-Mar-19 12:35:11

I could only think of one reply and that being to tell the miserable, ungrateful * to prepare and cook it himself.

tiffaney Mon 18-Mar-19 12:41:54

Next Sunday tell him he can make the lunch while you watch tv, then complain about everything he's cooked.

Hollycat Mon 18-Mar-19 12:47:17

My husband does that ALL THE TIME. Nothing’s ever “quite” right, there is always one bit that lets the meal down. And if there miraculously isn’t, I am asked for a different mustard, another knife, a beer, etc., or told the meal is cold (on its red hot plate that he can’t touch)! Always something I must get up for. And it’s no good saying “Let him do it”, because going anywhere involves using the walker, which is a pain in the bum! So now, before I do sit down, I tell him to look at the table and tell me what’s missing as I really am not getting up again!😁

willa45 Mon 18-Mar-19 12:50:11

You could let him know that his comments made you feel.... unappreciated, disrespected and unloved. If he doesn't apologize or otherwise make it up to you, then suggest he cook for himself going forward, because you just quit!!

JenniferEccles Mon 18-Mar-19 12:50:58

Hilmix you say you started early with your Sunday lunch preparations in an effort to please your husband.

I would like to ask you - what does he do in an effort to please you?

grannymags Mon 18-Mar-19 12:51:30

Well hillmix my hubby can be inclined to moan a bit but my answer to him is 3 moans and i wont be cooking that meal again since most of what i cook are his favs he usually shuts up

lovebeigecardigans1955 Mon 18-Mar-19 12:54:23

Your husband sounds a right misery hilmix, if you can take the trouble to cook a special meal then he can take the trouble to eat it.
But oh dear, isn't Leonard Cohen a bit miserable? I think I'd need something jollier to lift my mood.
He can cook his own damn dinner if he's so fussy. True, there's a lot of sadness in this world but his attitude makes your world feel unhappy. Tell him to buck his ideas up.

Jan66 Mon 18-Mar-19 12:59:31

I think I would be telling him to cook his own lunch in future!

Saggi Mon 18-Mar-19 13:04:34

I don’t do roast Sunday lunches unless extended family are coming over. Otherwise it’s chops or sausage and mash.My husband has never appreciated my cooking which is still better than his mother’s was...e everything that woman touched came out of a tin or’s how he was brought up and he’s seems not to appreciate fresh meat and veg and the preparation that goes into it. Even after forty years he would prefer a ready meal. I think it must be sloppy veg and salt content that attracts him. I have been told by my daughter and grandchildren and friends that I am an excellent son has surpassed me now I think and my son in law runs me pretty close.

Jobey68 Mon 18-Mar-19 13:07:22

What a nasty way for him to behave after you went to so much trouble, I have a kind and generous husband who treats me with respect but a response like that would have seen his meal being tipped in the bin that's for certain!

Don't let him treat you like this and make you feel inadequate and upset, None of us are perfect but a little kindness goes a long way X

Pjkoctur Mon 18-Mar-19 13:11:05

Don’t feel bad Hilmix, you are not alone. There are times my feelings get hurt after slaving away at fixing some special dinner only to receive the “It’s ok” verdict. Not sure why I bother to try either, but I do. My husband is a meat and potato kind of guy and a picky eater. I know this so I need to just quit trying to change his eating habits. We need to slap their quick fix dinner in front of them and eat our own prepared feast. They are like children sometimes and we need to pick our battles.

Mumble2 Mon 18-Mar-19 13:12:24

Please don’t be upset.
Tough steak, my Mum used to say “it’s tougher where there’s none. He should be greatful that you cooked a lovely meal for him, and greatful for food on your table. Many people don’t have either.

GrandmaPam Mon 18-Mar-19 13:15:35

Leonard Cohen? No wonder you're depressed wink

4allweknow Mon 18-Mar-19 13:16:28

Show him the kitchen a d ask him to show you how it's done! As for the knife just buy a new set of cutlery, hopefully spending money will take the sharpness off his tongue.

Smileless2012 Mon 18-Mar-19 13:41:01

Find the most expensive restaurant you can and book you both in for lunch on Sunday. Make sure you have a starter and desert, and when he's presented with the bill, say how much you enjoyed the food, and not having to cook and suggest you make it a regular booking for your Sunday mealgrin.

Matriarch Mon 18-Mar-19 14:02:19

You are being treated appallingly !! Something has to change here . At the very least you deserve to be taken out for lunch next Sunday . Has he always been like this ?

JoJo58 Mon 18-Mar-19 14:14:04

My hubby said that to me once !!! I promptly picked up his plate and put it in the bin, he has never complained since I wonder why grin .

seadragon Mon 18-Mar-19 14:17:18

Sore teeth, maybe? Just a thought.....

sandelf Mon 18-Mar-19 14:19:49

He may be the centre or your world but I don't think you are the centre of his...

Boosgran Mon 18-Mar-19 14:21:24

What a thoughtless and ungrateful man. I’d have flung his food in the bin and told him to make his own. I agree with others- give him a ready meal and just cook for yourself.

narrowboatnan Mon 18-Mar-19 14:35:40

Hillmix - to make life easy for yourself be sure to use a ready baked pastry flan for the base of your ‘The Help’ recipe pie 🥧 😃👍🏻

Shortlegs Mon 18-Mar-19 14:44:28

I have to say, in listening to Leonard Cohen you have brought it on yourself!

LuckyFour Mon 18-Mar-19 14:50:52

I feel like a maid sometimes. Spent all morning food shopping and looking for birthdays presents and cards. Came home, put shopping away, made lunch, washed up. DH sat at his computer throughout. Done nothing in the house whatsoever. This is fairly normal. I could scream.

hdh74 Mon 18-Mar-19 15:11:36

Mine used to be exactly the same and I used to think I must be a terrible cook. Then our Dd started saying she preferred hers different to dad, which in one way made me realise that it was just his taste, but then I found myself never able to please both of them which was even worse. (in her mitigation our DD is disabled and was bed-bound at the time so couldn't cook).
Eventually I just said, well you two never agree so I'm making it how I like it and if either of you aren't happy you'll have to cook. (by this time our DD was able to potter about the house a bit with difficulty but as I have major health problems it was just as hard for me anyway).
So they did start to cook the odd meal. And at first I would shower them with praise. But after a while, I might say, the chilli is a bit hot for my taste so I'll just eat a little with a lot of the rice, but thank you very much for cooking it. They got the hint when it was done to them.
Now the rule seems to be. 'Thank you for a lovely meal' if we enjoy it, or 'thanks for cooking tonight' if not, and no more said unless the cook specifically asks.
But it has taken ages to 'train' them.

kwest Mon 18-Mar-19 15:23:06

I suspect you wrote partly in jest, but your post did ring alarm bells about pleasing him and being punished. Is this passive aggression on his part? Is he trying to control you?
Mind you, more than five minutes of Leonard Cohen would depress the hell out of me.

VIOLETTE Mon 18-Mar-19 15:25:15

Next Sunday lunch at the pub ...he can complain to them !! (bet he doesn't !) ….my old man once THREW a lamb chop at the fresly decorated wall because he said it was tough and had the temerity to say mine wasn't …...I left the stain there for the next three years until we moved ...oh and all I said to him was 'I thought you were in the Navy'..which puzzled him enough to say Yes you know I was ….so I simply said Ohm Chocks (chops) away is an RAF expression I wondered. I said no more but I wasn't happy !!!!

Hypnoticlady Mon 18-Mar-19 15:27:20

I think I would've tipped his dinner over his head or just thrown it in the bin and tell him to sort his own dinner out and carry on eating mine (I've practised the aforementioned on several occasions with both husbands .. and, no my cooking isn't that bad lol ! ) What a bully .. I would never stand for that insensitivity. I do hope you're ok now though ....

Sheilasue Mon 18-Mar-19 15:41:01

Most veg has to be on the crunchy side now my dear mum always cooked all veg until it was mush, probably why I never liked veg in my younger days. Now it has the flavour it should have because it’s not boiled to mush. Perhaps that’s the problem your husband may have been brought up with mushy veg. My friends partner would never eat crunchy veg he was used to his mum cooking it for a good 30 minutes.

Gonegirl Mon 18-Mar-19 16:06:45

I hate crunchy veg. Prefer mine properly cooked. ie soft.

Gonegirl Mon 18-Mar-19 16:09:44

Tenderstem broccoli is inclined to be anything but tender. Did you microwave it? Never works.

B9exchange Mon 18-Mar-19 16:58:29

OP hasn't come back, are you okay, have we frightened you off?

I once, in a state of post natal hormones, blew my top when having cooked mashed potatoes for the family, a certain member of them dared to say he didn't want them. I hurled the pan with full force into the sink and stormed out of the house.

When I came back an hour later they were as meek as lambs, and no one has criticised what I have provided since! grin

theoldgran26 Mon 18-Mar-19 17:01:00

"The Help" cake sounds as if it should sort things out. Good idea!