Daughter Vs Daaughters in-law

Oh dear CrazyH walking on eggshells is habitual to us Mums isn't it. Emails and similar often are interpreted differently by the recipient from what was intended.
Can you play peacemaker with some Easter chocs for your daughter ?

Hope things are resolved soon.

Thanks Sodapop, yes, I do have an Easter Egg for her ?

Pack an overnight bag, book yourself in to a spa hotel and enjoy..... bunnies to the lot of them I say!!!

Or better still, book you both in x

I agree with grandma blue! Good luck! Families!!!

Good idea Grandmablue! What woman can resist that ? Or even book a meal out for the two of you?

An early Easter egg for upset daughter is a very good idea, Sodapop. If you can afford it the spa break or any break, a chocolate hotel one? sound a good idea for you or both you and daughter.

I have 1 x DD and 2 x DILs I have found that I have to be very careful how I praise the 2 x DILs when in the presense of DD I make sure DD is praised for all she does even though sometimes I don't fully agree it just keeps the egg shells from not getting cracked,the politics of family life is difficult sometimes.
A trip to Thorntons looks on the cards for that special egg. xx

I simply cannot understand families that take umbrage at such trivial happenings.

I know exactly how you feel, only mine is with two daughters, there is a lot of jealousy, and resentment, as well as love of course. My husband and I constantly walk on egg shells , and we have to be incredibly careful that everyone is treated the same, which is actually impossible! Hard going sometimes.

Phew! Just reading this thread makes me feel the exhaustion! Crazy, I'm so sorry! What you said to dd was, no doubt, correct, and an honest, caring effort to avoid further problems.

I like the idea of the early Easter egg - and the spa (who wouldn't?). But I'd think twice about booking the spa until you see her reaction to getting the egg. If this was just an in-the-moment reaction, it will probably blow over as soon as she receives the egg, and she'll be delighted to do the spa thing with you. But if this is more deep-seated - if she has somehow got it into her head for a while that you favor dil, for example, even though I don't think you do - then she may decline the egg and turn down the spa. So unless you have someone else who would go in her place, I'd hold off on the spa reservations.

In the future, I'd refrain from getting in the middle of their arguments, at all, even when the solution seems fairly obvious to you. While your advice was very wise, IMO, unfortunately, it backfired. I wouldn't take the chance of that happening again.

I think dd way overreacted to the exchange and hope she calms down and comes to her senses soon.

Can't afford Spa - just paid for a long London weekend for the family in August.
She will have to do with an Easteregg.....just realised she's on a diet.....can't win ?

Just because she appears not to be talking to you doesn't mean you can't talk to her, if she is near by I think I might knock and say would you like to come to Sunday lunch, if she is not near phone her up and ask her, you don't really want this to go on any longer, tell her it is very upsetting that she should think you favour your DIL. It is true that some people put things on WhatsApp they wouldn't say to their faces, this is not your problem, your advice was sound but next time keep quiet then nobody can blame you.

Life is too short for this kind of thing. When you have a child who has died you realise this. You are all in good health and it is sad if you cannot all be friendly. Is it any good suggesting to your dd that she apologises to dil for upsetting her which from what you say she definitely did not mean to do. She doesn't have to apologise for what she said which after all was just her jokey way but for causing pain to dil. If dil can't take that kind of apology then that speaks against her.
Please all be friends and live in peace.

I simply cannot understand families that take umbrage at such trivial happenings

I can’t either Monica. If any of my family (2DDs 1DiL) behaved like that, there’s be some serious banging of heads together and then I’d leave them to get on with it.

crazyH perhaps you’re actually enabling this stuff because you get involved. Don’t.

Just leave it...time will sort it out eventually.

I have learned that words can hurt. Sadly, once written, you cannot take them back and this is one reason why I shall forever be estranged from one DIL. I am a fairly easy going soul but that doesn't mean I am open to everything and can't be hurt.

Life is short crazyH and you love your daughter so do all you can to bring her round. Sounds like she need reassurance so why not send her a card reminding her you love her and want to be friends again>

However, another thing you learn as you age is that you are sometimes better off not being in the life of someone who is no good for your peace of mind, who is an effort to be with, someone you tread on eggshells for, because you have to..

A friend has ditched a family member. She was clinging on, because she was family, being nice when she wanted to snap, being offended but turning the other cheek, and she did it because "Well, you just have to keep family together, at all costs, don't you?" (No, was her conclusion, after a lot of mithering.) She says she has gained so much emotional freedom from not seeing her any longer. No guilt, no trying too hard, no fake smiles. She says it's better, and I followed her advice.

It can be. All circumstances are different though.

I blame the tv soaps. Every little thing is blown up into a drama and somehow we have a generation who thinks this is how to handle everything. Well, it’s not. We all say the wrong thing at times but if you value your friends and love ones, you let it go. Making mountains out of mole hills comes to mind.

Update : thanks all. Took your advice......spoke to daughter, invited her and the kids for Easter Lunch. Bought eggs for them. She hasn't confirmed yet, that they will come....she may have other plans (divorced, and on the dating scene now), but at least I have spoken to her and she seems absolutely fine. She must know I love her ?
This is just a great site, with Grandparents sharing their problems. their views and their support. Thankyou all. I dare say, I will be on it, at some future point, with some other problem. But I must say, I also comment on other posts and am very involved in this site....this is our Agony Aunt

Good luck CrazyH

Book you and your DD into that spa

You have to be careful with texts and messages etc. Something you might to say to someone’s face or on phone as a joke can often miss the haha factor in short written messages. I favour just saying positive things on those forums.
Someone said something to me on a forum as a funny remark, I didn’t find it so. Read as hurtful and dismissive of me. But if he’d said it to my face, I’d have said something equally cheeky back to him. And no harm would have been done.

I'm so glad you've managed to pour oil on troubled water
I know how you feel. I am occasionally expected to take sides between the girls. I try not to but sometimes it's hard to avoid.

Everyone loves a happy ending ??