daughter and mother in law

Moggie, my heart is aching for you! No doubt, D is grieving and has been bonding w/ her MIL over their shared grief. But hurting and you and leaving you out of things shouldn't be part of that, as others have said. Also, I agree that switching the titles around is very disturbing indeed.

Why has she chosen this time to be baptized? Is it related to her DH's death? Is she joining the church that he belonged to or that MIL belongs to? Is it part of a different sect than yours? I'm asking b/c I'm wondering if that's what is influencing her behavior.

Also, I hope you don't mind if I echo GG65's question - has something happened between you that she might be reacting to?

"...am so upset that i have made appointment with our pastor"...

Good idea! I'm sure the pastor can help you cope.

"...just feel like taking over dose and ending it all.she makes me feel so small and unwanted. "

Please don't do that. We are here for you, and so will your pastor be. In fact, please let him know you feel this way. You might also want to contact the Samaritans: www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIlJbn0enx4gIVFEwNCh2w_QyOEAAYASAAEgJN_fD_BwE

moggie57, your daughter’s behaviour sounds incredibly hurtful. Has she always been like this, has she become like this since her husband passed or has something happened between you both that she is reacting to?

I don't understand why her suffering over her husband and bonding with her mil over his death, means she gets to be hurtful to you?
You are her mother, and to swap titles is very odd!

I hope I don't upset you too much when I say that, I just find her attitude very perplexing!

Clearly she wants you to know she is in a relationship with mil that means more to her than the one she shares with you, or why make this point repeatedly?

Could you find a quiet time just the two of you to ask her why she does such and such?

Could she feel there is something you have done to her that for her, means she cant see you as her mother any more?

Sorry if the questions are too personal and I completely understand if you don't feel like answering!

Good luck

I'd guess thet her MIL and her have bonded over their loss ,you wont feel it the same way so maybe you feel she;s pushing you aside.It could just be a part of her grieving process,grief does very strange things to us and we all react differentlt.Dont give up on her but if its only been a couple of years since her loss you have to accept she has along way to go before she can "move on".f being with her MIL helps them both you should be supportive and try not to dwell on your health when you're with her she doesn't need any more negativity around than she already has to deal with.I hope you all get back to a happier place sooner rather than later meantime take care of yourself and try to be kind to both yourself and your daughter

You say you have mild autism. Do you think she might have it too and doesn't realise the effect of what she says ? I am sorry you are feeling so upset.It must be very hard for you.

Can't be easy for her to be a widow at such a young age (have I got that right?). That's no excuse for her to say such nasty things. You are and always will be her mother. Her m.i.l. is probably very, very sad at the loss of her son and your daughter and child are the only things she has, that remind her of her son. Gosh, I haven't got all this wrong, have I? A big hug for you....and hope things improve between you and your daughter.

I do feel for you. Have you any idea why she is so aggressive towards you? Have you said something that she has taken the wrong way? Has she been like this only since husband died? Sorry so many questions. You say you sometimes say and do childish things, would you have upset her at one of those times? I can only suggest that you step back a bit from her although obviously you want to be with your family, hopefully the GC are ok with you, but perhaps your D needs some space, I really don't know I am afraid.

I wish you luck and hopefully things will sort themselves out. Big hugs to you.

Why is she bothering to be baptised? She doesn't sound very Christian and must realise how hurtful she is.
I would continue to speak your mind, don't let her bully you. The more you tiptoe around her, the worse she will be. I feel very sorry for you, Moggie.

and before anyone says it i do have sympathy and love her lots and yes she been through a lot and been very brave. but to deny that i am her mum and not invite me to any get togethers. am always left out.the thing is since i had my menopause it has left me .how can i put it .i talk to myself and do childish things .i love playing with gc .d says you act like a real nanny.she doesnt like my new haircut and that i dyed it ,said i dont look like a real nanny.at least mil moved to coastal town in kent. so i get d and gc up for lunch sometimes on sundays.i have never had gc stay over as they always under strict control .just feel like taking over dose and ending it all.she makes me feel so small and unwanted. i cant help how i am ,i have mild autism .so not very good at mixing with people. but tried to sit next to her in church and she told there not enough room ,well move up then ,no she says. theres no room for you ,in front of everyone..was very upset and say 6 rows back.

so casually.