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Freeloading Brother

(8 Posts)
Annabelle01 Thu 17-Oct-19 12:31:05

My brother and father run the family farm. Brother gets paid a good salary, lives in a large farm house for nothing and has bills covered by the business. Dad is fairly controlling, but with reason. He knows the business, is good at what he does, but brother doesn't have a clue. This frustrates dad and makes him critical. Brother has become so angry over the years, he tells me he has no qualms in spending our parents money (expensive holidays and red wine habit). Brother wishes Dad dead, he loathes him, and tells me so. Dad would like to tell my brother and wife to sling their hook and buy them out of the business. My mother won't hear of it because she can't see through her love for her son. My brother and wife (who eggs him on) are tearing the family apart, situation even has me and my husband arguing!! I'm really struggling sitting back and watching all this go on, it's making Dad ill, my brothers intention, so Dad dies and he gets inheretence. Brother has huge debts and is borrowing on the back of the farm to pay off credit cards, tax man, money he owes me and more. Thoughts and advice please....

Septimia Thu 17-Oct-19 13:16:33

I would suggest that your father sees a solicitor and makes a will that ensures that your brother gets an inheritance (to keep your mother happy) but doesn't get control of the farm. It's up to your father to decide exactly what he thinks is fair, but at least he will have some control over what happens.

boodymum67 Thu 17-Oct-19 13:18:11

Oh what an awful situation!
And a very difficult one too.
I think I would take brother aside and make sure his wife isnt present, to back him up....and tell him what`s what.

Dont lend him anymore more money...dont put up with his wife...maybe she pulls his strings. Let them know you are on to them even if they say they dont care.

Has your dad made a will? Is there a family solicitor you could talk to.

There is the danger of anyone thinking you are coming from a sour grapes attitude...but ensure they know that is not the case.

Mum must be told what her son is up to.

All difficult I know, but I expect you already know all this, eh?

agnurse Thu 17-Oct-19 14:41:52

If your father is of sound mind, he needs to take care of this himself. Specifically, I agree that he needs to see a solicitor. He and your mum might also benefit from some marriage counselling so that she can see what's going on.

Please do not get involved in this on your parents' behalf. They are grown adults. You can't mediate their relationships for them.

I've been in the middle between my sister and our parents the first time she decided to estrange from them. It's not a fun place to be.

BradfordLass72 Fri 18-Oct-19 08:29:01

If Dad is going to save his life and his farm, as well as everyone else's sanity, he needs to get legal help NOW!

Does your mother really want her husband to have a stroke or heart attack? Or you and your partner to split up or be constantly rowing?
A long, hard talk is needed here then a trip to the solicitor for both Mum and Dad.

No amount of mother love can cover up this mess. It needs sorting out asap.

Lisalou Sat 19-Oct-19 09:07:18

If your Dad feels he wants to retire, (you hinted I beleive, that he would like your brother to buy him out?) why does he not put the farm up for sale? He could offer your brother first refusal on it.
Your brother does not have to like it, but if there are more siblings - you, obviously, and I don't know if any others, your dad needs to keep that in mind.
Something similar happened in my family with my great aunt. After my great uncle died, she sold the farm to her son (one of four siblings) at market price. Upon her death, she divided her assets equally between her children. She said that the fact that cousin bought the farm made it so much easier to write her will and be fair to all four children.

Hetty58 Sat 19-Oct-19 21:33:22

I think it would make sense for a farm manager to be employed. It would reduce the stress for your father and the business could be run on an official basis. Traditionally, any farm worker could have housing for a reduced (tied) rent. They would still have to pay their own bills, though (like anyone else). Assuming that the house belongs to the farm, that's just how things should be. It looks like your brother is taking unfair advantage.

Has anyone had an honest discussion with your mother about the present situation? She should be far more concerned about her husband's health than about her son. The idea of buying out the son seems like a good one. A solicitor could advise.

gordh123 Sun 27-Oct-19 14:16:59

Septimia is spot on.