Friendship not relationship offer

Make sure he can't contact you - block his number etc. He might well try to draw you back in. He sound very controlling.

Please, people...

The OP has come back and posted to tell us what she has done, and thanked posters for their contributions.

Please read the thread before posting! It’s not just this thread. It seems that a lot of posters are either too lazy to read the thread, or too determined to have their say, or both.

you need to stop all contact

Lucyloo12

Hi all and thank you all for your advice. I have just telephoned him and told him I wouldn't be seeing him again. He wanted to know why so I repeated what he said and he denied it! I was very firm and said he made me feel sick with his advances, bit blunt but he wasn't taking no for an answer, he got the message, he said he felt dumped.... I wished him well and finished the call. I thought I would feel guilty, but I don't, I'm very relieved actually. Again thank you, you all said what I was thinking but it really helped to form a plan of action.

Brilliant! It was the only way, and glad you feel better. Onwards and upwards now?

Walk away you don't need this..l doubt you would want him as a friend now anyway now he has shown this side of his self.

I would tell him if he can't respect your boundaries then you're not willing to remain friends anymore.

As a precaution just for now don't go on walks or if you do away from where you live. Some people don't like rejection take care and tell us grans how you are getting on.?

Write him a note explaining your lack of feelings. Find different places to walk for a while and try to entirely avoid him. this kind of emotional blackmail will only get worse if he thinks he has even the slightest chance. this is definitely not love if he simply doesn't care if you're not interested in more. Be brutal if you have to be, anything less might not do. Hope you can work this out.

Well done Lucylou. Even if you had been wavering, his denial of what he said would have confirmed it for you. Now block his number everywhere.

Well done Lucyloo12, you’ve been very brave and we all admire you! Please be prepared though just in case you receive any more pathetic emotional whinging in order to try and make you feel “guilty”. Men have a knack of doing this - I speak from many years experience, having had a very turbulent relationship with this type of person! You sound a much stronger woman than me - I just kept giving in to his emotional rubbish and feigned illnesses - until I weakened and agreed to see him again! He’d be fine for a little while, then the controlling and jealous behaviour would begin again. I wouldn’t listen to friends, mainly because I thought it was “better the devil you knew” but I am SO glad the ladies on here have helped you gain the courage to stand up to this man. I’d like to wish you all the best for the future and hope he doesn’t pester you any more! x

"Lucyloo12" - well done for telling him his fortune.
Fancy lying about what he said and claiming he never said it. A bad sign if ever there was one.
I don't agree with the suggestions to reduce the walks and gradually separate from the friendship as he'll misinterpret it as you being unable to manage without contact.
Break off all contact immediately. He's been using you all along.
Let him find another sucker.

Well done, Lucyloo12. You have done the right thing for you, and as MagicWand says, "stay strong". You've done the worst bit now, so onwards and upwards ?.
?

Yes well done Lucyloo! Now all you have to do is stay strong. Keep this thread just incase he puts the pressure on, then you can reread it and feel glad that you ended it as decisively as you did.
I’ll send you the flowers as a well done! ?

Well done Lucyloo ??

He sounds dangerous. Even if he’s not physically violent , what he’s doing is damaging you. Get away from him as fast as you can. He won’t die... well, not yet.

Point out that you said from the start that you only wanted friendship.

Say you are sorry that he has warmer feelings than you do, but you cannot help that, and are ending the friendship now, as there is no point in going on with these unequal feelings and expectations.

Add that you hope he will soon meet someone who can return his feelings.

Then delete him from your e-mail and phone lists and block his e-mail address and phone number.

If he continues to try to contact you, have a word with your local police about what exactly constitues stalkinng.

While visiting my husband’s grave I got chatting to a guy I would say quite a lot older than me and not very fit. He told me he was lonely on day one. I still work and have many interests so while I miss my husband, I am not lonely in the way he meant.
I always visited the same day and he worked this out and began waiting for me he started offering me lifts. Inviting me for coffee he brought a flask of coffee and cakes to eat at the grave. I felt uncomfortable. He started to tell me how much out meetings meant to him. I quietly pointed out I saw it as visiting my husband and not having meeting he said he lived for Wednesdays I was always upbeat but very dismissive careful not to send mixed messages.
One week I didn’t go on my usual day the next week he came running up to me he tried to hug me saying omg I thought you had been hurt, I need your number my week has been hell. I was kind and upbeat but I told him straight that he needed to expand his life activities .
It was clear he wasn’t getting the message when he gave me flowers which I promptly put on the grave next to my husbands. I then didn’t go to the grave for a couple of weeks then changed my day and time. If I saw him sitting there waiting for me I just left.
You owe this man nothing, he isn’t respecting your friendship or your bounties. Just walk away as fast as you can.

I think this will have to be a very gradual withdrawal. Make the walks longer apart. He might not notice the extra days in between walks. He will actually get used to not seeing you as often. This might work. Good luck

Lucyloo12

Hi all and thank you all for your advice. I have just telephoned him and told him I wouldn't be seeing him again. He wanted to know why so I repeated what he said and he denied it! I was very firm and said he made me feel sick with his advances, bit blunt but he wasn't taking no for an answer, he got the message, he said he felt dumped.... I wished him well and finished the call. I thought I would feel guilty, but I don't, I'm very relieved actually. Again thank you, you all said what I was thinking but it really helped to form a plan of action.

WELL DONE YOU!

Sighs of relief here as have been in similar position - many of us probably have. Stand firm, you will probably get lots of bunches of flowers or whatever coming to you, but ignore, ignore, ignore, block, block, block.
So good to see your post. Stay safe and, well, away from him!

Madgran77

......"When you say * that is emotional blackmail. I will not be emotionally blackmailed! I view you as a friend and I enjoy our walks. However I will never want anything more than friendship. If you can accept that, we can continue to be friends. If you cannot cope with just friendship then our friendship will have to end as I will never want more than friendship. What do you want to do?"

If he carries on without acceptance then say

"It is clear that you cannot accept what I am telling you. Therefore I am going to end our friendship!"

And do exactly that!

Very wise words here from Madgran77.

Get out of the "friendship" right now. No more walks, no meetings at all. People who use such dire emotional blackmail threats are dangerous ... they care about nobody but themselves. He's said what he has in the full knowledge (unless he's mentally incapacitated, which you give no indication of in your post) that it's going to make you feel worried, unhappy and guilty. You do NOT need someone like that in your life. My advice is to tell him by text or letter rather than in person, just in case he gets nasty. And block his number on your phone, don't respond to any letters of reply. Good luck!

I'm so glad you sorted it out. I think his reaction ...denial then saying he felt dumped...says it all.

Stand firm - if it ends in tears don’t let them be yours - never give in to emotional blackmail.

Hi all and thank you all for your advice. I have just telephoned him and told him I wouldn't be seeing him again. He wanted to know why so I repeated what he said and he denied it! I was very firm and said he made me feel sick with his advances, bit blunt but he wasn't taking no for an answer, he got the message, he said he felt dumped.... I wished him well and finished the call. I thought I would feel guilty, but I don't, I'm very relieved actually. Again thank you, you all said what I was thinking but it really helped to form a plan of action.

I had exactly the same problem. I tried to explain, but he kept saying “Covid doesn’t matter” and grabbing me.
I had to stop contact, I hate being grabbed, Covid or not, and he was completely selfish, including asking me to make the ‘last years of his life happy’.
I had a feeling too,that he was looking for a carer, which I am not!