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Redheads..

(32 Posts)
Grannyonasuperbike Fri 17-Nov-17 17:57:20

My son has become a father for the first time, he is 27 years old, a serving soldier and is away from home quite a lot. His daughter is the apple of his eye. She is now 7 months old.

My son is a natural redhead, I was born a redhead, we both have blue eyes. His girlfriend is a natural redhead with brown eyes.

The baby has dark brown hair and brown eyes.

I'm just so worried that the baby is not his as a few years ago a previous girlfriend fell pregnant, the baby was born and the midwife had suspicions that it couldn't be his, due to its colouring. I paid for a DNA test and he was 100% not the father.

We now all have a lovely relationship, but my son was so distraught last time I thought he would harm himself.

I was convinced that the new baby would be a redhad as I thought two natural redheads would have a red haired baby....

Should I just forget about the past and enjoy what we have? The hurt from before is gnawing away at me.

Luckygirl Fri 17-Nov-17 18:15:38

Ignore the gnawing - that way lies trouble.

Welshwife Fri 17-Nov-17 18:20:25

They eyes not a problem at all as the mother could easily have pure brown eyes with two brown genes - the baby has hybrid eyes. Even if the mother is a hybrid the baby had a 50/50 chance of brown eyes.
The brown hair may well turn out to have lovely red highlights as the little one grows. We have a grand daughter with beautiful auburn hair - just a wonderful dark colour. The parents are both dark haired. The little twin boy GS both have golden red hair. Their mother is dark and dad light brown with red lights.

Don't worry about it - my son and also the son of DD have hands like my dad - if you are still worried look at other family features - some things skip a generation.

Ilovecheese Fri 17-Nov-17 18:54:52

Brown eyes will generally dominate, so no problem at all with the baby having brown eyes. Genes can lie dormant for generations, hair and even skin colour can pop up generations later.
It depend,s I suppose on what you think about your son's partner. if you have never liked her you might consider her untrustworthy.
Try and enjoy what you have. It really is a terrible accusation to make, and could ruin your relationship with both of them if it is unfounded.

Grannyonasuperbike Fri 17-Nov-17 19:01:05

Thank you. I haven't spoken about it before. I think half the problem is that I've had to deal with so much loss myself, I'm 49 now, bereaved of most of my family except one brother, been divorced (now remarried) and after 30 years of working full time had to take ill health retirement. I can see I'm being over protective of my son. Our granddaughter is a real treasure and I'm so lucky to have her in my life. I see her almost every week and she really lifts my spirits.

Baggs Fri 17-Nov-17 19:07:49

If your son was distraught last time he found a baby he thought was his wasn't, why would you even consider trying to find out such a thing again, especially as all seems well between all parties. Talk about looking for trouble! How about minding your own business?

Yes, that's blunt, but it's not harsh.

Ilovecheese Fri 17-Nov-17 19:08:15

That's the spirit "grannyonasuperbike*!

eazybee Fri 17-Nov-17 19:13:14

Leave it alone.
How very unprofessional of the midwife to even discuss it with you.

Grannyonasuperbike Fri 17-Nov-17 19:17:33

I know it's a terrible accusation to make on my part, but I have always tried really hard with both my sons girlfriends. The babies mother did admit to my son that while he was away she had invited a previous boyfriend around to stay as he had nowhere to go, but nothing had happened. What can I say? I am trying really hard and we all get on well. I would not try and come between them.

I ought to concentrate on what I have.

Baggs Fri 17-Nov-17 19:18:12

Good point, eazybee.

Baggs Fri 17-Nov-17 19:19:43

So, basically, you don't trust your son's partner. That's your problem. Don't make it his.

Grannyonasuperbike Fri 17-Nov-17 19:23:33

Apparently the midwife explained to the previous girlfriend that she would be breaking the law (as they were due to register the babies birth that same day), the previous girlfriend then admitted her guilt to my son who had been asked to leave the room. He then phoned me.

BlueBelle Fri 17-Nov-17 20:26:34

Too much involvement Grannyonasuperbike that’s not for you to wonder or have anything to do with unless your son invites you to question it
What a terrible midwife to say that, all sorts of colourings can come out in babies when they are first born none of her business either.... breaking the law ?? Really
Enjoy the baby and enjoy a good relationship with the babies mother and put all the rest out of your mind

Morgana Fri 17-Nov-17 21:02:26

You have all bonded with that lovely little baby. Just enjoy the love and forget those superstitions.

Baggs Fri 17-Nov-17 21:05:27

Why is it the midwife's business who the father of a baby is? Thst whole story sounds weird to me.

lemongrove Fri 17-Nov-17 21:09:53

I understand your worry grannyonasuperbike I would be wondering too, in your place, given what has happened previously.You don’t want your son to be hurt that way again.
However, it seems he has accepted the baby as his own and loves her.If he is ok with this or hasn’t mentioned any doubts, then try and forget about it.The chances are that they will be a happy young family, I hope so.

Grannyonasuperbike Fri 17-Nov-17 21:17:13

Thanks everyone, I appreciate each and every comment. I count myself very lucky and I will concentrate on the future and the lovely young family my son has.

lemongrove Fri 17-Nov-17 21:19:07

That’s good! Stay on GN too?

mcem Fri 17-Nov-17 21:50:08

Several years at a local young mum gave birth to twins. One was a blue-eyed blond and the other was clearly black.
DNA test proved that they were the husband's fraternal twin boys.
Way back on mum 's side there had been a Jamaican g'dad.
The genes seemed to have been 'diluted' over about 4/5 generations but were there in the DNA.
There ain't no telling!!

Luckygirl Fri 17-Nov-17 22:16:23

Indeed - genetic throwbacks can produce some little surprises!

OP - you have a happy family; whyever would you want to rock the boat in such a destructive way?

Marydoll Fri 17-Nov-17 22:23:34

I have three children, two with jet black hair and hazel eyes and one with red hair and piercing blue eyes. When they were young, I was sitting in the doctor's and could hear two old biddies discussing my children. "Do you think they have the same father?" said one of them. I soon put them right on that one. The red haired gene is a recessive gene. My mother and father were dark haired, but I'm a redhead. Just love and enjoy your new grandchild and stop speculating.

maryeliza54 Fri 17-Nov-17 22:32:56

Good job there’s nothing remotely identifying in this thread posted on a totally public site isn’t it? OP you might want to ask to have it deleted before it ends up who knows where?

ElaineI Fri 17-Nov-17 22:33:08

People with red hair can have children with any colour of hair/eyes. To do with genetics but too late for my brain to specify. Been a few twins born white and black too. I would not worry - and do not voice your doubts. Enjoy and love being a granny and don't interfere as it may go against you x

Newquay Fri 17-Nov-17 22:42:04

We have one red haired DGS his sister are all white blonde. There is red hair on DH's side-as OP said it does pop up from time to time.
I know a young woman black hair, Hispanic roots. Her DH mid brown hair, fair skin. They have one black haired, olive skinned son and one fair with blonde hair.
You never can tell from looks alone!

SueDonim Fri 17-Nov-17 22:44:57

I have red hair, my mother and MIL both had red hair and I have three out of four red-headed children. Not one of my four grandchildren has red hair, not even the children whose mother also has red hair in her family.

I'd put aside your worries and just enjoy the baby as your son is doing.