Older partner? Younger partner?

Can and do these relationships endure into very old age?

Usually, NO!

I guess a "wide age gap" needs to be defined. When I was growing up in the 1950s, my grandfather's sister was married to a man 15 years younger than her (unusual for the times) and it was quite a matter for gossip in the family, it was a lasting relationship, she was in her late 70s by then. They never had children.

Two of my friends who are in their mid-sixties have husbands who are 20 years older, in long-term relationships, and so far so good.

Quite a few well-known people have a marriage or a relationship where age doesn't matter - Amanda Redman, Barbara Windsor, Joan Collins to name just a few all have much younger partners.

Actually come to think of it, one can end up being a carer at any age or stage for a spouse.

There is 17 years between myself between myself and OH, I am 65. Happily and still fancy each other, he is my toy boy. After 22 years, yes is can work.

We know a couple where she is about 30 years his senior. It surprised me at first but it seems to work for them. She's a grandmother.
What amused me was when a mutual acquaintance, male, seemed shocked by them whereas he has a much younger partner.
Sauce for the goose?

I always admired Alex Salmond and his lovely wife Moira ,when they married in 1981 he was 26 ...she was 43 .They are still together and still happy .He spoke very movingly of her recently on a radio interview where he said she isn''t a political wife though she has always supported him in his ambitions and she is the love of his life .Sadly they get a lot of vile comments from anti SNP factions about him being perverted and sleeping with "grannies" ..thats me being polite about it,the words used are truly unacceptable.It would certainly be a different tale if she was 17 years younger than him.Or maybe not, the people who make the remarks are just attacking him because of who he is and what he stands for .

My mum was 19 when she married my dad, about 43. Had a happy marriage, for 38 years ...then Dad passed away. She was a widow for 34 years, until she passed away too.

Many years ago I had a work colleague who was the same age as me and was married to a man twenty years her senior whilst I was married to a man ten years my junior. We used to have dinner together and the thirty year age difference between my husband and hers was something we often commented on. Their marriage didn't last unfortunately, but mine is still going strong after more than thirty years.

Then of course there’s Monsieur et Mme Macron.....

I was just about to say that!

My uncle was 12 years younger than his wife. They married when he was 33 and she was 45. They were happily married for more than 40 years and when my aunt died after a long illness, my uncle completely collapsed and after a year had to go into care. He said death could not come quickly enough.

Another aunt and uncle had a similar age group but in reverse and were equally happy. My aunt is into her third decade as a widow, this of course is the downside, but again had a happy marriage that lasted more than 40 years.

How cruel that is for Alex Salmond paddyann seems some people just don't like others to be happy. I suppose your private life is fair game in politics sadly.
It's odd isn't it how people don't make an issue of a male partner being older than the female but if its the other way round its a cause for comment or criticism.

My foster parents had a gap of 11 years,my foster mother being the older one.
I would not say it was a marriage made in heaven from what I recall however contrary to all beliefs my "mum" was carer for my "dad" for some 10 years and really had a raw deal in more ways than one.
He died some 20 years before she did ................so there is no way of knowing how these marriages with some age gaps might end.

I have close friend and someone I knowfairly well who are both married to men about 12 years older than themselves.
The difference starts when , usually the H reaches late 70's and doesn't want to go out or do new things.
This is obviously a generalisation ,but has happened in both these cases.
One H is a " creaking gate" always complaining and wanting to be looked after.
Both wives find it hard.
The age difference in my H and I is 15 months, I am his full time and sole carer.

I saw Des O'Connor on tv last night. He looked so elderly. I remember he married a much younger woman and had a child. I wonder if they're still together?

My mum was 17 years younger than dad, but when at college I met a man 26 years my senior. I loved him dearly till he died when he was 66 and will always miss him dreadfully. My current DH and I have been together for 36 years, but he is jokingly called my "toyboy" - he's almost 10 years younger than me and I've been his carer almost from the start of our relationship as he has serious health issues. So depends what life throws at you.

Interesting replies - thank you.

It seems that relationships between couples where there is an wide age difference do succeed and flourish but I think you are right annsixty. 20 and 40, 30 and 50 and maybe 40 and 60 but difficulties can start to emerge at 50 and 70 or 60 and 80 when the younger of the two is still feeling relatively young and active and the other is starting to slow down.

I have been on dates with men 12 years my senior and though they were both physically attractive and active men I felt there was a big cultural divide, that we really did come from different eras.

I read in a book on bereavement that statistics show that women, irrespective of the age at which they are widowed, will spend the rest of their lives alone. On the other hand, widowers find a new partner very quickly many remarrying within a year. Something to think about if the women is the younger of the two and an argument for choosing a younger man.

I know this may sound cruel Lilting, but when I was in the police force 40 years ago, lot of my (married) male colleagues used to go to the 'Grab a Granny' night at a local nightclub where they could find mature women to have an affair with. They used to say they went for post-menopausal women because there were 'no complications' and "they don't yell, they don't tell and they're grateful". As a young woman in my 20s, I was horrified! We knew each other's secrets only too well on the shift, and I know that several got STIs and several got divorced because of their antics. None of the relationships lasted. I have known a few relationships where the man was up to 20 years older, but never any that lasted the other way around. Take care that you are not being taken advantage of.

I've been with my OH for 7 years. We are both divorced but whereas my children's ages range between 33 and 50 and I have 9 AC and 3 GGC, his children are only 12 and 15.
He is 50 and I am 73 and he had his work cut out convincing me he was serious about a LTR.
I get on fine with his ex, the children and his parents, although I felt a bit weird meeting them as we're the same age although, to be fair, they're far more conventional than I am.
My own children were sceptical, sons more so than daughters who think he's great.
I don't want to marry again although he's asked twice. I like knowing that he's with me because he chooses to, not because he's 'bound' by a piece of paper which 'ties' you to each other in many ways.
I prefer younger men.

Oops!
Meant to write 9 GC not 9 AC.

There were 16 years between my late husband and me. It did not matter a bit until he died at 70.

NerosMum Oh, I am not looking anymore and I know these things went on and probably still do. I think we have to be cautious of whoever we meet now whatever their age. Anyone who has sampled the dating "market" in recent years could probably write a book about their experiences.

OH just over 20 years younger ..65 and 45 together 15 years ,am very aware of age gap and we speak of the future and what it may hold,we have faced many hardships and problems during our time together including death of my daughter and bringing up of my then 4year old DGD who is still with us ,we have our own family unit he has no children,I have one surviving son and another DGD due in few weeks,we are partners in every sense,no one knows what future holds we do not want to marry,I have never bothered to divorce my husband who is happy with his partner,my OH and I met at work not at a grab a granny night I would too be suspicious of those,and at first questioned why would he want an older woman...we seem to work and enjoy spending time together and now my DGD is older and off hand we are planning some travel and holidays together as we haven't before had the opportunity to do so

I have been married 3 times, H no2 was 12 years older than me, we lived together for nearly 8 years & were married for 15 months, he left me for an older woman

DH3 was almost 15 years older than me, we shared the same interests & taste in music. Sadly I was widowed at 57 (he had just turned 72), I have been on my own for over 5 years & can't imagine myself in another long term relationship. I do have male friends one of whom I joke is my "toyboy", he's 4 years younger than me & I've known him over 30 years (met him before I met DH).

Would I get involved with a man either older or younger? I don't know, I think whatever makes you happy & yes I do believe these relationships can last.

It's great to hear these stories especially of successful and enduring relationships between older women and younger men.

I have a friend of 77 married to man twenty years older, so he is 97 now. It worked fine when they were 30 and 50, not so easy now. She is his carer, but still manages to get out by herself a remarkable amount. Second marriage for both. I don’t envy her.

My brother’s wife is about 15 years younger than he is, first marriage for both. It has worked well. They have both had health problems, hers very serious, but things are all right now apart from my brother’s mobility problems.

My husband was six months younger than I, though we were born in the same year. He died when he was 40, so you just never know.

I’ve occasionally been attracted to younger men, never to older ones. Never wanted to marry again, though.