Do I ever detest family drama and that is exactly what my 75 year old mother caused yesterday. Would you mind if I asked the opinion of others? This may be long winded.
My mother inherited a large sum of money several years back when my father died. My sister felt she was entitled to some of that money because of its original source and my sister was in a little bit of a financial bind so my Mom gave her $40K to clear her debt. Subsequent to that large sum of money my mother has provided us with some very generous offers of trips, etc. I hate taking these offers, but Mom insists so I have had one trip my Dad left in his will and another to Cuba with another offer in the works (but I am really NOT INTERESTED anymore. I have taken enough. The others (including grandchildren) have been privy to some really nice gifts, but these are the children of my brother and sister. My children have taken nothing from their grandmother – up to and including gifts for her only great-grandchild.
So to continue, the whole incident started with my great granddaughter's annual birthday party, my daughter always comments that perhaps we should not do the annual party because it looks like she is looking for handouts for her child. I am a party stylist and have a great time planning an annual party for my granddaughter and, it gives the family an opportunity to get together on an annual basis as my daughter and granddaughter live a 6.5 hour drive away. They are University students so their budget allows them a trip maybe 3 times a year - it,s very rare.
My daughter and granddaughter celebrated their birthdays together this year. It was wonderful and my daughter as usual sent out thank you cards with personal thoughtful notes inside. My daughter wrote to my mother and thanked her for the wonderful gifts, that she missed her and hoped that one day we could travel together - for a girls trip when my granddaughter can stay with Daddy for a bit.
My mother totally misinterpreted the message and responded to her thankyou – Her it is: ' I gather you and your Mom discussed my offer to have you Mom and I go on a trip. However before the trip that you suggested can take place I would like to take a solo trip with my daughter Lorraine 'not your Mom' her sister, and eventually my son Chris (not your Uncle - kind of cold). Perhaps in the future when your financial situation improves, we can think about a trip together'.
My daughter called me and was absolutely devastated because she felt her grandmother assumed she was asking for a handout and, she brought up her financial status which is we shall say is 'relatively poor' at the moment (they are University students living in student housing).
I called my mother and was quite upset. I told her that her response to the thank you note from my daughter was inappropriate and that my daughter was in no way looking for a handout. We both hung up quite angry at each other.
Well, I need to call my mother now and apologize for my outburst, she is 75 and we do not know what tomorrow brings at any age. But I am still quite upset. I have broken this stupid message down and have re-read the darn thing 10 times. My conclusion remains the same.
I think my Mom damaged the relationship between her and her grandmother (not that there was much of one to begin with) My mother is not very close to MY children, actually she does not really know them. And, it has damaged the relationship with me (although I will not mention this to my daughter). I am so hurt. Am I making too much of this?
Thank you for letting me vent. Sorry it is so long winded. Any thoughts?
UPDATE: I apologized for my outburst. My mother coldly told me she was right and will be having the letter checked by experts. Oh brother… (I am rolling my eyes). It's so important to prove that she is right but the fact that she hurt her granddaughter's feelings are irrelevant. She states it was a beautifully written note. She did nothing wrong and hung up.
My son mentioned before he moved to Germany that he is so happy to get away from the constant family drama. We look like such a close family, but I am not feeling it. Was I being delusional about this note? Is my daughter overreacting? My daughter and granddaughter come first in my life. I am lucky if my Mom makes a move to call me once a month.
I am sad....
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