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Dilemna

(18 Posts)
kiki2 Mon 19-Aug-19 19:32:29

I have posted before to talk about feeling lonely as my friend is moving away and also because I live away from my country of birth . Several of you have advised me to go and see my family abroad to also get a break from ‘grumpy husband’( see previous post)
So I have decided to go in November for a week but today , my daughter who has just had a baby has suggested we go together as she knows my family wants to see more of the baby
That’s fine but the problem is she only wants to go for 3 days , which I can understand as she doesn’t want to leave her husband too long , and I really want to go for a week , at least !
So , do I go along with her for the sake of harmony between mother and daughter etc or do I put my needs first and stick to my original plans ie go for a week ?
What do you think ? Any advice would be welcome , thank you

Elegran Mon 19-Aug-19 19:36:43

Why can't she go home after her few days, leaving you to finish your week? You are not joined at the hip.

crazyH Mon 19-Aug-19 19:46:38

First and foremost, one week is really not enough if you are going to the country of your birth. Are you talking of Europe or further away? In any case, there will be family to visit, friends to see, minimum 2 weeks. Your daughter should stay at least a week and you, for much more.
When I went back home for a holiday I stayed 4 weeks and that wasn't enough.
Good luck Kiki and enjoy your trip.!!!(at least you'll be away from "grumpy" husband). Joke ?

GG65 Mon 19-Aug-19 19:49:12

I came to say exactly what Elegran said.

Daisymae Mon 19-Aug-19 19:51:32

Travel out together and stay for as long as you want. Your daughter can go home after 3 days. Not a problem. Have a good trip.

kiki2 Mon 19-Aug-19 19:58:11

Hi elegran it’s because she would be travelling/ driving with a very young baby

kiki2 Mon 19-Aug-19 19:59:33

Hi Crazy H I quite agree , one week isn’t enough but grumpy husband doesn’t like me to be away for more than a week

wildswan16 Mon 19-Aug-19 20:12:11

Let your husband be grumpy. You stay for a couple of weeks and you won't be at home to hear his grumps.

I'm sure your daughter will manage to get home on her own. Or maybe it would be easier for her to come towards the end of your visit and you could travel back together.

Luckygirl Mon 19-Aug-19 20:13:42

Oh bother the grumpy husband - let him stew!

Would your DD feel confident to make her own way home with the baby while you stay on?

M0nica Mon 19-Aug-19 20:18:13

It is much easier to look after a very young baby on a plane by yourself, than a rampaging toddler!

Elegran Mon 19-Aug-19 20:21:19

Tell grumpy husband he can be grumpy on his own, you will be away for more than the week - long enough to make the long journey worthwhile and really see your family. Add that he sees plenty of you the rest of the time, and he will enjoy having you back all he more for being without you for a while. It will be like another honeymoon!

Tell daughter that three days is nowhere near long enough, as after the journey you will take at least a day to recover - and so will she and the baby - and then you both will have to pack up and come home. She hasn't yet discovered just how arduous it is to travel with a baby.

Suggest that she either comes for the one or two weeks, giving yourselves time to relax after the journey and time to see the family, or that you go alone this time and she takes the baby on a future trip (when, incidentally, it will be even more arduous, because baby will need to be entertained while travelling!)

Her husband is just as competent to be left for a couple of weeks as yours is. They could even get together and share the chores (and the grumbling!)

Chewbacca Mon 19-Aug-19 20:27:17

If your daughter is ok to travel with a young baby whilst you accompany her, she's going to be just fine doing the return journey on her own. Kiki, if you're not careful, you'll end up doing nothing at all if you keep allowing other peoples needs/wants/demands to supersede your own. Grumpy husbands are, in my experience, best ignored. Stop prevaricating and just go.

Elegran Mon 19-Aug-19 20:33:40

Daughter is in danger of going the same way.

silverlining48 Mon 19-Aug-19 20:43:54

Hello Kiki. So pleased you have made plans to visit your family. Do go for at least a week and better still two. You can always go another time with your daughter. Do not be deterred from going, it will be something nice to look forward to. All the very best.

Tangerine Mon 19-Aug-19 22:50:09

Go for as long as you want. If your daughter wishes to return home earlier, that is up to her.

BradfordLass72 Tue 20-Aug-19 00:06:56

Your daughter is making a rod for her own back if she dare not be away seeing her own family for more than 3 days!

That's what leads to grumpy older husbands who by their actions, emotionally blackmail their wives into being scared to go away for only 7 days.

Dawn22 Tue 20-Aug-19 16:35:38

You are caught between husband and daughter. Put yourself first and go for the time scale that suits you. I am a people pleaser myself and l detect that you might be one too. It serves us no purpose. Try and think of yourself in the above regard.
It is healthier for you.
D

PamelaJ1 Tue 20-Aug-19 16:48:42

How easy is it for her to get to and from the airport?