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Glass half empty

(32 Posts)
Gingster Sat 28-Mar-20 20:11:55

DH is a real glass empty sort of chap. Always has been. Eeyore has nothing on him. I’m glass half full and try to see the bright side of life. In recent weeks he hasn’t said one positive remark and it’s quite draining. He isn’t depressed , just gloomy. I know present conditions aren’t conducive to joy and laughter but come on . We are in the fortunate position to live in a beautiful area , large garden and wide open spaces, so he really has nothing to complain about. Also he is very antisocial so doesn’t miss friends or family. I try to tell him how lucky we are but he really thinks this is the end of the world and where’s the point in anything. Anyone else having this with their partners?

BradfordLass73 Sat 28-Mar-20 22:42:05

I have just come back from a 10 day stay with a 90 year old who is exactly like that.

Not one single word was positive and she talked consistently from 5am right through to her bedtime at 7pm. As she's very deaf, she heard none of my contributions smile and if she saw I was speaking, she just shouted over me.

You can't change them but you can bolster your own mental health.

I didn't realise just how much she'd affected and exhausted me until I came home and could be my usual optimistic and happy self. flowers

Callistemon Sat 28-Mar-20 22:51:25

You must feel really drained, both of you.

I must admit I am a glass half full person but today has been difficult, reality is setting in.
I need a hug from the DGC.

Tomorrow is another day, onwards we go

flowers for both of you

ValerieF Sun 29-Mar-20 10:19:21

Trying to boost other people's moral is very draining Gingster. If your husband has always been a glass half empty person I don't think you will change him especially now. Maybe just concentrate on your own mental wellbeing? I am still having to go out to work some days but when I come home I refuse to watch any news. I just watch uplifting films (such as Contagion ha ha ha.) Play music, chat to friends. I have also started writing a sort of memoirs - if that's the right word? Finding that therapeutic but only got to when I started school so far so have a looooong way to go!

I think I am also appreciating everything just that little bit more? Noticing the flowers more, the birds more, reading more books. Non of this much use to a person who doesn't have a glass half full sadly.

Take care and look after yourself.

M0nica Sun 29-Mar-20 11:05:36

DH also sees nothing but doom and disaster, everyone being forced to live alone in one room, economic collapse etc etc.

But he has always been like this.

I do try to see both sides. He must find living with a little Pollyanna like me equally trying.

Greymar Sun 29-Mar-20 11:08:38

I am reaching the conclusion that shutting off the news is the way forward. It's very trying to be holed up with one person 24/7.

Debbie10 Sun 29-Mar-20 11:52:22

Oh yes mines the same, I am constantly trying to pull a positive out of all sorts of things to stop the gloom setting in! I've recently had to shout at him to 'Pull himself together and get on with it like everyone else' after 3 hours of doom and gloom, sulking and muttering, to be fair he has been a lot better since, the shock of being shouted at may have done it!...For now anyway, if he won the lottery the cheque would probably be the wrong colour!

Caro57 Sun 29-Mar-20 11:53:56

Mine DH is better, so far, than I thought he would be but he does want the news on 24/7 - did the same over Brexit - which I find very draining. My iPad and earphones are my sanity!!

Rosina Sun 29-Mar-20 11:59:21

It is so much better not to keep listening to the news - yes, we do need to know what is happening, but once a day is enough. I was becoming swamped with the gloom and bad news, listening or watching all day, and realised that I was simply listening to the same information that had been relayed at least six times. There is no chance to be light hearted or feel happy about anything else when you are enduring a drip drip of misery.

moggie57 Sun 29-Mar-20 12:00:51

you lucky to have a partner. and someone to talk too. thats what i miss the most........i would let him get on with it .doesnt he like gardening?

Beanie654321 Sun 29-Mar-20 12:06:01

Dear Gingster I have a husband who was the same that it drove me to nearly walk out on him, but 18 months ago I marched him to GP and he was diagnosed with social anxiety. Since GP visit he has been put on medication and hes done CBT course. He has improved but we take it as one day at a time. We like you have our own home and live within 2 minutes walk of beautiful meadows, canals and river walks. We go for daily walks, even with hubby working from home at the moment, very early walks so we dont meet any one. He can still be negative at times, but he realises now what is going on and tries to change his thinking. Good luck. Xxx

GreenGran78 Sun 29-Mar-20 12:14:13

If my DH was still here he would probably be doing what he always did. Siting all day watching his DVDs and mostly ignoring what went on around him. It used to drive me mad, but he only went that way in old age, after a stroke and various other medical problems. I doubt that he would even notice the emergency, but just carry on as usual.
My unmarried son lives with me now. He has been working until they were sent home, a few days ago, so we are cleaning everything we touch, and keeping apart as much as possible, for now. Luckily we are both happy with our own company.
It would drive me mad to have someone constantly looking on the dark side. I have always been a ‘cockeyed optimist’. Even when the doctor found a lump, a few years ago I didn’t think, “OMG! Cancer!” and I was right. It wasn’t! There’s no point in wasting energy worrying about things, until they actually happen. It must be hell to live with a constant moaner.

sandelf Sun 29-Mar-20 12:21:57

Same here. Me Pollyanna living with Victor Meldrew- maybe we balance each other out. Just make sure you have some apart time.

Craftycat Sun 29-Mar-20 12:40:28

TBH I am not getting in a state about this crisis.
Yes it is serious & I am doing all the things they advise. I am able to shop for the older people in our lovely little cul-de-sac & also for a lady in my Reading Group as I am under 70 & quite happy to queue outside shops (not today as it is sleeting!!)
Yes DH & I will probably drive each other mad before long & I miss my DGC but we just have to get through it.
Usually I think I am a worrier but this is unprecedented & we just have to do as we are told & carry on as well as we can.
I hope the weather warms up again so I can get out into garden to get some 'me' time as DH rarely goes out there in case I ask him to do something in it- he always told me if I wanted a garden it was up to me to do it- which suits me fine!

Harris27 Sun 29-Mar-20 13:16:14

I’m normally a sensitive worrying type of person although I do try to hide this. This situation has pulled me up sharp I’m not so much worrying how to pay things but when will I be back to work as I need routine company and a pathway. I will see things differently in the futre as I’m getting on a bit now and then oldest at work I feel I’m thinking not so much ahead but in the present tense.

Flakesdayout Sun 29-Mar-20 13:27:07

I have been at home since last November so I am used to keeping myself entertained. My partner has been at home for a total of 4 days. The grass has been cut, the shrubs trimmed, the vegetable trug cleared out and he has planted some veg. This morning I found him pulling out all of my periwinkle as he wanted to dig it over. Of course I told him to stop as it was ground cover and of course he is filling up the garden waste bags which wont be emptied for a while. Now hes making a noise in the garage. He has already implied that he is bored so now Im going to suggest he makes a compost bin. Sometimes its like having child round. I miss my me time and as he does not like reading or watching films, which I do, and I find that sometimes it is slightly annoying. On a positive note he is upbeat and will cheer me up if I am having a moment.

Marmight Sun 29-Mar-20 13:28:56

If my DH were still here he'd be very optimistic and cheery. He wasn't much good at diy, so I dare say he would be doing every available crossword/puzzle /mind game , designing yet another house of the future and would have the garden all ship shape by now. Now Im on my own, I have to remember his optimism and occasionally have a severe talk to myself. I miss the physical contact of another person under the same roof but have lots of WhatsApp/Skype/phone chats with family & friends & I see DD when she brings supplies. I also see folk at a distance when on my daily perambulation round the village which keeps me sane and gets the endorphins going. The grass is always greener is it not!

Saggi Sun 29-Mar-20 14:23:30

My husbands the same Gingster, morose , moaning and miserable. Nothing to do with Covid-19 though and EVERYTHING to do with lack of sport (95% football) which is no longer being shown on tv. Coved -19. can take a running jump as far as he’s concerned.... but get the football back ... preferably before I do something drastic.

Madmaggie Sun 29-Mar-20 14:30:26

Had to put my foot down with DH on Friday. He was making a shopping list of everything we 'needed'. It was all things he claimed he couldn't possibly do without e.g. his fav biscuits & snacks and the bread he prefers. I had to adopt my voice I hadn't used since the kids were teens & tell him he was taking unecessary risks and not just for himself risking death for me too & I certainly didn't want to lose him. He admitted it was in fact just habit. We have bread, it's not his favourite so suck it up, his treats are getting low, so stop guzzling & limit yourself, when they're gone, they're gone not the end of the world. I shocked him into not going out. He's such a fussy eater, his mum was exactly the same & indulged him, yet his sister is the opposite. He refuses to eat mash or rice, he dislikes pasta, he wants scrambled eggs, he has a lot of steak (but it has to have an egg on top) eggs are few and far between here. He refuses to eat soup,tinned vegs & will pick microscopic bits of carrot or swede etc out of stews. So, all our frozen peas are reserved for him, ditto what few spuds we have & frozen chips, I was forbidden from making flapjack as he's now taken to porridge for brekky & having his weetbix for supper. Reckons he's suffering because he can't have his wedge of rich fruit cake with cheese to accompany his red wine!!!!! He's normally such an even tempered chap but he can't see how lucky we are & is getting very snappy. (haven't shown him where I've hidden that ultra emergency bag of sugar!) No supermarket delivery slots available here, one isn't even permitting you to register. Thank God for the spring & the garden, we're both readers and he is currently doing a bit of essential DIY, the spirit is often willing but no one told our backs grin or hip (me). Now that spring is here I must admit to missing that occasional wander round the garden centres that are near us. And I think DH is missing his chance to clear out the garage & do a tip run. Made a point of shouting a distant thank you to our binmen this week as they emptied our garden waste bin (compost bin can't deal with everything). Apologies for having a moan here but I'd normally exchange a 'look' & grin with my daughter & that would be that. wink

Destin Sun 29-Mar-20 15:40:43

My 81 year old DH is a misery to live with at times - I think his glass has been half empty since he was born! He is in such a state of denial with this pandemic it’s just pathetic - it may be hard to believe but he is just unable to say the words Covid19 or corona virus - he will only refer to it as ‘the flu’. I cringe when I hear him speaking to friends over the phone - telling them that he’s not affected by this ‘mass hysteria brought about by a flu bug’ and he is living his life ‘normally’ (which of course he isn’t because his gym is closed, there’s no football matches on TV, and the friends he meets up with for coffee every morning have long since dispersed). When I’m not feeling completely disgusted with him and his inability to come to terms with the current truth I tend feel sorry for him ....because he is definitely alienating himself ....especially from me and probably anyone he speaks to over the phone! Any advice on how to bring him round so he is able to face the reality of this situation ......or shall I just leave him to get on with it so as not to get pulled down into the same miserable mindset?

justwokeup Sun 29-Mar-20 16:02:49

Same here Gingster. We're lucky enough to have a family/empty 🙁 house so we can get away from each other sometimes. Only 11 weeks to go, hopefully!

Ydoc Sun 29-Mar-20 16:10:27

Yes my husband always calls himself a glass half full but I've never noticed. He sees the downside in everything, it's got to the point now that I've realised it's him making me feel so very down. Seriously thinking of a divorce, tired of nothing to look forward to, nothing ever vaguely exciting. It drains you too eventually. I've heard them called energy vampires.

Diggingdoris Sun 29-Mar-20 16:21:25

Gingster, my DH is just the same. He watches news channel all day and shouts out loud every time the number of deaths is announced and has only one subject of conversation all day. I feel low some days as some family are front line NHS but we have to keep cheerful or we'd all go under.

Tangerine Sun 29-Mar-20 16:25:30

Last week I must admit I was very full of foreboding but I felt I couldn't go on like that and, this week, I have tried very hard to be more positive in my attitude.

phoenix Sun 29-Mar-20 16:42:19

My mother was like that, I make a conscious effort NOT to be like her!

(Hope it's working!wink)