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I did hurt my husband ego..

(48 Posts)
francine49 Mon 01-Jun-20 22:47:04

Hi
I am married since more than 20 years.Im a beautician and my hubby is an ex military and a bit macho.All is great but with the job,daily things to do, my yoga I struggle to get some time with him. To fix that, we did decide to make some sport together before the covid. What was the more complicated was to find a sport that can fit for both of us. I wanted salsa or a dance sport but he refuses(im an ex ballerina), he wants tennis but i hate racket sport... So finally after hours of search and discussion he proposed me judo. I first refuse it but because I see we were blocked I said ok let's try it...

Finally, after 5 lessons, we both had fun going there. I had the feeling to improve and feel really good practicing. We were on the same club, same training but we had our partner for the "fight part" in the end of the lesson.

With the virus, we can’t go anymore, so a few days ago, he asked me to practice at home. We used a mat for safety and worked on the moves as in training. After one hour he challenged me in a friendly match, like for the normal session “if I dare” and he’ll show me “who’s the boss, it’s not like dancing or yoga things…”.

It was the first time we have a match together. Well, we have same height and i practiced ballerina during years and yoga 3 times per week but he outweight me and he is an ex military so im not too much confident.. but ok let’s try it!

He tease me a bit telling me he'll show me who's my boss...
We hang each other kimono and turn around. I pull his sleeve, to the left, to the right, I straighten my leg out and fall on him to the ground. He struggle to escape but I pin him and count to 5 (we need to pin the opponent 5 sec to win). His face was all red and while I help him to get up I can't hide myself from smiling.

Now he seems really focus and we start again. I still smile while he seems really serious. I pull his kimono again and got him the exact same way. On the ground I quickly wrapped my arms around his head and I block his legs with my feet. I had a good grip he can't move so i count to 5 and win… Before I release himI whisper on his ear “ouch your ballerina got you badly this time, where is the tough soldier now?” I get up (and dance a bit to celebrate i confess) and prepare for the 3rd round but he said he didnt want anymore

Later I struggled not to have a strange silence that can sometimes happen. He says nothing and I make a monologue about housework. It seems that he doesn’t want to do judo anymore. I laugh a bit at first, asking him if it’s because I beat him, but he answers me aggressively that no, he just thinks it’s a waste of time.

I haven’t talked to him about it, but he looks different like he’s worried about something, like something is broken. I don’t know. He’s cold with me, never laughs, and seems even a bit depressed.

I didn’t want to hurt him, and now I don’t know how I can fix things. Atmosphere is now complicated..

What can I do?

Furret Mon 01-Jun-20 22:53:12

Thank you for sharing that francine

I really haven’t a clue.

Lilypops Mon 01-Jun-20 22:55:47

Find another hobby !!! Your DH isn’t happy doing this

Chewbacca Mon 01-Jun-20 22:57:31

Not sure what to say to be honest francine but I expect someone will be along in a minute......

ValerieF Mon 01-Jun-20 23:02:05

What can you do Francine? Tell him to stop being an idiot and stop challenging him to judo. What is there to fix? Pride? Tell him to grow up!

Lilypops Mon 01-Jun-20 23:06:58

Ah well , good night all

SpringyChicken Mon 01-Jun-20 23:12:10

The male ego is a fragile flower. You can't change what has happened, he'll have to come to terms with the fact that (at the moment) you are better at judo. Don't mention it again and he'll get over it in time. After lockdown, he probably won't want to return to the lessons again.

MawB Tue 02-Jun-20 05:38:25

Have you thought about baking?

CorneliaStreet Tue 02-Jun-20 05:46:27

He needs to grow up, it's just a game after all! Nobody wants and likes to lose but wasn't it fair?

BlueBelle Tue 02-Jun-20 06:15:08

Take up wrestling

Grandad1943 Tue 02-Jun-20 07:10:54

francine49, I believe you should return to your beauty business and once more take up being a ballerina as a pastime, as you are quite obviously near perfect in so many aspects of your life.

Your husband could then once more centre on his " macho occupations" unchallenged in his Supremacy.

In the foregoing you would both be able to live out "your dreams" in harmony. 😄👍

Ohmother Tue 02-Jun-20 07:15:01

Try a none contact sport like knitting perhaps?

kittylester Tue 02-Jun-20 07:27:43

E broidery!

Urmstongran Tue 02-Jun-20 07:30:14

Well that’s 5 minutes of my life I’ll never get back again...
😊

Grandad1943 Tue 02-Jun-20 07:33:22

Ohmother, kittylester, 😂🤣👍 to your above posts.

I have a very busy day in front of me that I was not looking forward to starting. However, after reading this thread I will now begin the day with a very large smile on my face.

Thank you OP.

Oopsadaisy3 Tue 02-Jun-20 07:36:41

Well, maybe your first problem was making him wear a Kimono!

Don’t judo people wear Judokis ? Or something...........

Riverwalk Tue 02-Jun-20 07:42:31

He struggle to escape but I pin him and count to 5 (we need to pin the opponent 5 sec to win). His face was all red and while I help him to get up I can't hide myself from smiling.

Are you Villanelle? hmm

Oopsadaisy3 Tue 02-Jun-20 07:50:22

Riverwalk Villanelle wouldn’t have let him live to go to round 3, and she would have worn something outrageous, like that green furry thing she wore on Sunday😗

Auntieflo Tue 02-Jun-20 07:58:08

I think Riverwalk got it in one.
I read the whole post with this fake russian accent running through my head.
Francine49 was toying with him by allowing him to get to a count of 5

25Avalon Tue 02-Jun-20 08:08:04

You’ve shaken his whole being and way of thinking to the core. Just be your usual self, don’t mention judo, and give him time to think and compost this in his brain. Hopefully that might work.

Gingster Tue 02-Jun-20 08:08:46

Ditto Urmstongram

Grandad1943 Tue 02-Jun-20 08:25:23

Well on thinking about this matter, I believe that I have an exemplary solution. As the OP is (or was) a ballerina she could without doubt change the life of her macho build and thinking husband by teaching him to become a ballet dancer.

In the above you would still have a physical contact pastime, and think how pleased he would be as she as she comes to hold him as he emerges from his perfect pirouette. 😂👍

MawB Tue 02-Jun-20 08:38:57

Oopsadaisy gringringrin
That kimono must have been really inhibiting.

Elegran Tue 02-Jun-20 08:40:36

Creative thinking, Francine49. That would go well on Facebook.

MawB Tue 02-Jun-20 09:38:14

Creative thinking Elegran or creative writing?