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Do women worry over adult children more than men do?

(64 Posts)
sandelf Tue 04-Aug-20 10:09:02

Musing while dead heading. I am thinking about my daughter and SIL - living in a risky part of London, he is newly graduated and looking for a job etc etc. I know there is little to nothing I can do to fix their 'problems' yet I worry away at it. Do you think men are better at letting go of their adult offspring?

Galaxy Tue 04-Aug-20 10:10:56

Not if my dad is anything to go bygrin

Teetime Tue 04-Aug-20 10:11:27

Well my DH is. I witter away but he says 'well its up to them their adults now'.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Tue 04-Aug-20 10:15:32

I think men 'compartmentalise' worries quite well.

Lucca Tue 04-Aug-20 10:18:17

I’m single so don’t know really. However I’d be inclined to think it depends on the person not the gender ?

Sparklefizz Tue 04-Aug-20 11:29:15

Once a mother, always a mother in my opinion. (there are exceptions obviously)

EllanVannin Tue 04-Aug-20 11:33:43

Women are born worriers I think.

EllanVannin Tue 04-Aug-20 11:36:02

It's programmed into them from within the womb.

crazyH Tue 04-Aug-20 11:37:50

Well EV, I have been overprogrammed 😂

Greeneyedgirl Tue 04-Aug-20 11:44:37

And me crazyH grin. I think mothers worry more when their children are grown and fled the nest, and then you have GCs to worry about.

Not all mothers and fathers are the same of course, but in general, men, as has been mentioned, do seem to be able to compartmentalise more.

Puzzler61 Tue 04-Aug-20 11:51:14

My DH is always very practical and offers our DD’s help when they need it.
I am definitely the worrier.
However it highlights our personalities I think. DH is a task driven person, I am the dreamer.

paddyanne Tue 04-Aug-20 12:56:43

My OH is every bit as bad as me ,he was the one desperste to be able to travel to check up on our daughter during lockdown.He went to hers before his 85 year old mum.It has to be said they are and always have been very close and her health issues keep both of us awake at night so I dont have a problem with it

sodapop Tue 04-Aug-20 12:56:49

I think generally men are able to compartmentalize more than women. My husband is like Mr Puzzler, he will help if asked but otherwise does not really get overly involved in their lives. Fortunately I was not over programmed in the maternal worrying dept. I don't see the need to be part of everything they do.

PinkCakes Tue 04-Aug-20 17:45:36

That's the case in my house. I worry about my sons (both in their late 30s, neither of them in live-in relationships). The sons aren't unhappy - just the opposite- but I suppose I'd like to see them settled with someone before I die (only 60 so hopefully not for some time yet).

My husband doesn't seem to worry about anything other than what he's going to have for dinner grin

Calendargirl Tue 04-Aug-20 18:05:58

I think on the whole women can read between the lines, and just pick up when things aren’t quite right. Most men need things bang in front of them before they twig there’s an issue, at least DH does. Also little imagination, and a head in the sand mindset.

Madgran77 Tue 04-Aug-20 18:17:52

I think they worry differently and about different things ...although not sure it is right to generalise as I think personality plays a big part, rather than gender

cornergran Tue 04-Aug-20 21:07:59

We both worry about ours family. The difference is I verbalise my worrying, Mr C keeps it inside.

Lexisgranny Tue 04-Aug-20 21:47:06

I worry as to why I haven’t got anything to worry about (if you see what I mean). My elder son has an opposite outlook on life - if there is a problem, review it, decide if there is anything you can do about it, if there is, do it, if not forget about it...........if only! I find as I have got older I am finding more things/people to worry about, particularly my grandchildren, all of whom have taken or are about to take various examinations, which have obviously been impacted by CV-19. However I do hope that if I live long enough to have Great- grandchildren I will be compus mentos enough to worry about them too!!

Nanniejude Tue 04-Aug-20 21:52:35

When my son told us he’s moving 60 miles away I tried not to cry, his dad just said ‘well if that’s what he wants he’s an adult now’!

Jane10 Tue 04-Aug-20 22:04:29

In answer to the question. Yes.

Callistemon Tue 04-Aug-20 22:09:06

DH is prepared to help, if asked, but sees no point in worrying as I do enough for both of us (apparently).

I wish some of mine were 60 miles away.

Peardrop50 Tue 04-Aug-20 22:16:52

cornergran

We both worry about ours family. The difference is I verbalise my worrying, Mr C keeps it inside.

Same as you in our house cornergran. We both worry about our family when things go wrong but it's me that verbalises.

Chewbacca Tue 04-Aug-20 22:35:54

I think on the whole women can read between the lines, and just pick up when things aren’t quite right.

Exactly this.

Lucca Tue 04-Aug-20 22:36:36

Nanniejude

When my son told us he’s moving 60 miles away I tried not to cry, his dad just said ‘well if that’s what he wants he’s an adult now’!

60 miles ??? Try 10,000.

annodomini Tue 04-Aug-20 22:39:18

I must be a freak. I don't worry about my two middle-aged sons. If anything, they worry about me! My mother was a champion worrier and did that get her anywhere? I may sound callous, but worrying is a completely unproductive state of mind. It was never comforting to know that my DM worried about me.