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Separate bedrooms

(128 Posts)
Foxgloveandroses Fri 14-Aug-20 00:16:52

A couple of months ago my husband and I decided enough was enough, we came to the conclusion we needed separate bedrooms.
We are just not compatible at night, I snore (apparently) and keep him awake. I get too hot he gets too cold, I like silence he likes to listen to the radio as he drifts of to sleep or read his iPad and that light annoys me.
We were never touchy feely anyway and for the last year my husband has had disturbed sleep having to get up in the night and move to the spare room next door. So we thought, why are we bothering in the first place! So now we go to our own rooms and meet up occasionally if the moment takes us.
Does anyone else have a similar set up?

merlotgran Fri 14-Aug-20 00:30:19

We've been sleeping in separate bedrooms for nearly a year now and I can highly recommend it.

DH had two lengthy spells in hospital as a result of heart failure and other issues. He is better off sleeping in a relining chair where he can be in a position that suits him. Sleeping flat would cause breathing difficulties and heartburn. He now sleeps like a log and no longer snores!

I'm a light sleeper and used to be constantly waking up worrying about his breathing and restlessness. Now we both get a good night's sleep.

You have to do whatever suits you. Nothing worse than disturbed sleep when you can avoid it.

MiniMoon Fri 14-Aug-20 00:30:36

We've been doing exactly the same for about four years now. I like a cool room and bed, DH likes to be warm with flannelette sheets etc.
We aren't cuddly people either foxgloveandroses.

Grammaretto Fri 14-Aug-20 04:53:01

Historically, the richer you were the more likely you were to have your own room. Only the very poor slept close together usually to keep warm.
I'm sure a lot of couples have their own rooms. A good night's sleep is important. why am I writing this in the small hours?
Why is it called "the master bedroom" anyway?

agnurse Fri 14-Aug-20 07:04:22

Now, I am not an expert, but it is my understanding that the nobility (royal family at the very least) historically had separate apartments. The king and queen would have their own private rooms and maybe even suites.

Hubby and I tend to go both ways. Our house is large and we have a spare bedroom that Hubby uses much of the time as it's in the basement and he works nights. It's cooler down there and also quieter - the master bedroom is just down the hall from the living room. I sometimes sleep next to him (when he's on his days off) and sometimes sleep upstairs in the master bedroom. We have twin beds (called full size or double in North America) in both.

kittylester Fri 14-Aug-20 07:24:24

We have slept separately since near the beginning of lockdown. Previously one or other of us would get up on lots of nights and move to a spare room but it seemed to get worse.

I sleep in our bedroom and dh sleeps in the spare room with an ensuite.

We have always been touchy feely.

ginny Fri 14-Aug-20 07:46:48

We have had separate rooms for a few years now. Various reasons and we both sleep so much better. Can’t see the problem.

Davidhs Fri 14-Aug-20 07:49:21

It doesn’t really matter wether you sleep together or separately as long as you get a good nights sleep, youngest daughter -Liz does not sleep with hubby, they are fine and have 4 kids.

This came to light when the eldest boy was doing a “relationship” class at school, teacher was most concerned that mummy and daddy did not sleep together and called her in. Liz was incandescent that her sleeping arrangements were being discussed, even questioned, she laughs about it now but was furious at the time.

Gingster Fri 14-Aug-20 07:57:29

We usually start off sleeping together but DH will decamp to the spare room if we are particularly fidgety. During the hot weather, we sleep apart. Better for both.

Spangler Fri 14-Aug-20 08:00:55

It's good to know that we are not the only ones who have a bedroom apiece. We have always had our own bedroom, in the early years of our marriage it made sense, I worked long irregular hours and my wife worked a rota system of earlies, lates and nights, she worked for the NHS.

We are a loving couple but early on I learned a new word that came up every now and then. I might nibble her ear lobe, or pat her buttock, that's when she would use this word: GERROF!

No you don't push your luck when you hear that word, but turn the situation around and it's her turn to feel amorous, there's no gentle passive sort of play, oh no, I get: "Are you getting it elsewhere?" Implying that I haven't been randy enough of late.

I tell her, "it was GERROF, remember?" "Yes," she will say, "but that was yesterday."

I gave up trying to understand women over fifty years ago, but I did learn that the next two words to learn after: "I do," are: "Yes dear."

Iam64 Fri 14-Aug-20 08:41:41

Davidhs - you give personal information about your daughter, using her name. Genuine question, is your comment based on truth? Why would a teacher call a parent in about sleeping arrangements unless they were concerned for the welfare of a child. It's crackers.

sodapop Fri 14-Aug-20 09:14:47

We have had separate rooms for several years due to illness initially then the usual hot/cold, light on, light off scenarios. Much more restful and I can read as long as I want to in bed.

Grammaretto Estate agents are not using the term 'Master Bedroom' any more due to its connotation with slavery.

travelsafar Fri 14-Aug-20 09:19:30

Have done this for several years and it is the best thing ever.

Witzend Fri 14-Aug-20 09:30:57

Lately I’ve been sleeping in a spare room. I don’t sleep very well at the best of times, so I’m often up and down, or wanting the light on for reading (if it’s not the Kindle) or the radio on. Plus in the spare room I can be very close to a wide open window - particularly necessary lately - which I can’t in ‘our’ room.
Dh often doesn’t sleep too well either, so I think we’re both better for not disturbing each other.

25Avalon Fri 14-Aug-20 09:33:40

If you can’t have a master bedroom (btw not all estate agents have banned this) what about an MA or MSc?
We have separate rooms since dh had open heart surgery. I can now read to my heart’s content through to the early hours without cries of ‘put that light out’! When our dog was seriously ill I asked him to keep me company but we soon went back to our separate rooms. I found I couldn’t sleep properly or turn over for fear of disturbing him. Now I can toss and turn, snore, eat chocolate bars, have a crafty nightcap etc!

Davidhs Fri 14-Aug-20 09:36:01

Apparently parents sleeping separately was bad in the teachers mind.

Christalbee Fri 14-Aug-20 09:50:20

Makes perfect sense! We've had separate rooms from 67 onwards and never regretted it. Bliss for both of us!!

inishowen Fri 14-Aug-20 09:52:40

We have been sleeping in separate rooms for a few years. Apparently I start snoring at 5am and wake him up. It works for us. I read a lot during the night and don't have to worry about disturbing him.

red1 Fri 14-Aug-20 09:53:32

the mind boggles with this one,a good nights sleep is essential for all sorts of reasons as we age,sleeping in a bed with someone who snores,tosses and turns,is up and down during the night,often makes familiar sounds and smells,how can that help towards a good nights sleep?Most ageing couples i know sleep separately.

GrammarGrandma Fri 14-Aug-20 09:53:36

Well, we ARE cuddly people and sleep wrapped round each other. He does get up twice or more in the night but I don't usually wake because I'm used to it.

Leah50 Fri 14-Aug-20 09:54:10

We've had seperate rooms for 40 years, doesn't mean we think any less of each other. I've had insomnia since the children were born, so read, get up, make drinks etc. only sleep about 4 hours per night. DH needs 8 hrs in a dark room. We're lucky to have a big enough house to not annoy one another, it's always worked for us.

antheacarol55 Fri 14-Aug-20 09:55:25

We have had separate bedrooms for years ,I have vivid dreams and hit out .
He worked shifts and we found it much better to have separate bedrooms ,we came to the decision after I gave him a black eye while I was dreaming

Barrygirl Fri 14-Aug-20 09:57:10

My daughter (in her early forties) and her husband generally sleep in separate rooms and have done since day 1. They are extremely happy and loving - have a good sex life but also deal with each day so much better for a good night's sleep. Why is there this expectation that you no longer love each other because you go your separate ways for sleep?

Pebbles101 Fri 14-Aug-20 10:01:46

Just what I said to daughter the other day - the richer u r the more likely to have room to sleep separately too -

Juicylucy Fri 14-Aug-20 10:02:28

I’m to tactile for that, I love cuddles in bed it’s good for the soul.