Lost & Lonely

So sorry you are living in a nightmare. I have no advice but wanted to wish you well.

Gosh how dreadful for you. I do hope your DH's cancer is treatable and he can come to terms with it.
I too was diagnosed 2 years ago and if anything it has brought us together but initially it was very difficult. It helped that my DH did not try to smother me and allowed me to make all decisions regarding my treatment even when I said I did not want chemo.
I send you love and best wishes.

I echo midgey’s post. I don’t have any constructive advice unfortunately but send my best wishes to you x

Do you enjoy your work or is it out of necessity? You need to become more “selfish” for your own well being. Create enjoyment bubbles of things you enjoy and go ahead and do them independently, friends, trips etc. Make a list of the things that really bring you joy, even small things. I cared for my dementia/cancer/heart stricken husband for a few years and really believe my independent spirit got me through.
Allow some things in the house to slip for your own self care, take the easy way out housework wise.

I have no constructive advice either but, really feel for you. Do you have any support at all to deal with all this? MacMillan for example? Were you not referred to anything like this? You can refer yourself to MacMillan who can help with emotional as well as practical stuff. Your GP should be able to refer you for help too.

I do hope you get some support and soon.

for you UK50. So sorry to read your post and really feel for you.

What a dreadful situation ...as someone suggested, do get in touch with the McMillan cancer charity

If you havent already done so, please speak to your GP.
If you keep on shouldering this burden without some kind of support you too will become ill.

Wishing you all the very best

What a dreadful time you have both had recently. Now to have to face cancer again with your husband must make you feel at rock bottom.

Sadly, as the person closest to your husband you are going to see the best and worst of his personality. Not everyone with cancer and other illnesses are ‘fighting the disease’ or being ‘stoical‘ throughout the day. This is the impression we get from the media and it’s very wrong.

Most people are scared and don’t feel brave and ready to embrace the situation. As suggested, perhaps McMillan could give you some support. It sounds like both of you need to talk about things and I do hope McMillan can be of help.

It’s all about finding out what is out there and available to you both in your area. If you have no success with McMillan then contact your GP and start from there.

I wish you all the best and keep in touch to let us know how you are getting on.

Really sorry that you are going through all of this.I have no advice to give but I felt I couldn't just read and ignore.xxx

You have had a lot of problems to deal with UK50 no wonder you feel weighed down by it all.
Have you any family you can talk to instead of keeping everything bottled up ? Maybe you could look at all the responsibilities you have currently and look at reducing them and asking others for help. There is absolutely no reason to feel guilty about asking for help.
I understand your husband is worried about his health and the future but he should not take his worries out on you. I think you should tell him how it makes you feel when you are trying to help. There are counselling services etc for cancer patients who could help him deal with his feelings more appropriately.
Find time to relax and have some peace. I hope things improve for you.

UK50 Here is the link to MacMillan support for the families of those with cancer. Just click on the link. At the bottom of the page there are phone numbers you can ring and they can help you contact your local group
www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/supporting-someone

I m so sorry to hear your story you really have had a belly full
?and a virtual hug

I too endorse the Macmillan help I only had three weeks after my Dads diagnosis to his end I was in shock for most of that time and went on auto pilot .,. in some ways it felt like a lifetime in others it was so fast I couldn’t catch my breath but without their help I just wouldn’t have managed My daughter that lives near me helped enormously and put me onto them they were really wonderful at helping both practically and being on the other end of the line when I was despairing and they pointed me to every help they could

Do find someone to talk to as well if possible you need to unload

You have both been put through the wringer.
So sad for both of you.
But try to find a kind friend or relative to whom you can talk.
A trouble shared is a trouble halved.
At least, you should feel a little better having spoken about it.

You have started with this post!
A lot of people are thinking about you, and wishing you well

Nothing prepares you for the emotions you go through! I am sorry you have had much more than your share - all at once and then the horrid cloak of covid hanging over everything.

DH has been having treatment for cancer for 4 years and I have been through many of the feelings you describe. The treatment slows the growth but it isn't a cure and I have to think about a future without him, while trying to make the most of our time left together.
Life can be so cruel.

Contact the Maggie's centre too..
www.maggies.org/

I can only imagine how hard it must be for you right now and wish I had something to offer other than to say my heart goes out to you.

I can't imagine how hard this is for you.
Sending virtual hugs and very best wishes

when my first husband had cancer over 13 years ago I joined the Online Community on the Macmillan website. I was able to chat to other people in the same situation and we all helped each other. I am still friends with many of them and in the early years we regularly met up for support.
Sending big hugs to you xxx

Bless you, I couldn’t read and ignore either, but I have no specific advice to give, other than to just take each day at a time, and try not to look too far ahead. Don’t forget...many people get through cancer, it isn’t necessarily the end, as others have said, there are organisations that can help. I wish you all the best?

You don’t have to stay with him because he has this diagnosis.
It sounds like your relationship crumbled before this.

Do you love him? Do you even like him?
Do you want to be with him?
If he is bringing nothing or your life but sadness and abuse then you are perfectly entitled to go and make yourself happy!

You need to stop putting on that smiley face and find someone you can discuss this whole mess with. A good friend or a professional it doesn't matter, but tell him or her exactly what you have told here.

Next time your husband says anything nasty, tell him to shut up. Tell him that you are at the end of your tether, you have given him time to grieve, now he has to man up and help you.

I feel so sorry for you both, first the deaths in the family and now DH has Cancer, he must also be feeling so scared does he have someone to talk to about it?
Next time he speaks to you like that, just turn and walk away, the problem with depression is that the person affected can only think of themselves and is unable to empathise with anyone else, most oncology units have counsellors attached and I think it would do your husband good to speak to someone, I think it would help you too.
You’ve had so many years of grieving and now your husbands diagnosis to deal with, you need some TLC.Oh! And some ?

I too can recommend the Macmillan support group.