Way back in January I wrote on here about my DD1. On Christmas day she had told us she was pregnant. There was great rejoicing. By the end of January she had been told the baby had died. Now I know that early miscarriages are very very common, but my DD was not someone in her early 20s who had only just started trying for a baby. She is in her late 30s, had been trying for over 4 years, had had two unsuccessful IVF attempts and this had been her first natural pregnancy. Two days after the news we spent the worst day ever waiting at hospital for her to have an operation to remove the foetus. Things got worse . The doctor who was overseeing her follow up treatment was so awful in his attitude that my DD formally complained. He even told her (unasked and certainly unwanted) what the gender of the baby would have been. She then spent months transferring her IVF funding to a different clinic. Of course Covid got in the way. Then just as they were about to move house she got made redundant. Between them they decided that they could afford to move. It should have been last week but the day before a solicitor down the chain decided there was a problem. Today a solicitor further up the chain has decided he is not ready. So even though everyone concerned is packed and ready, it could happen any time. The good news is that she has got another job. And it is one that she would have gone for anyway. So why do I need sympathetic understanding? Well. The miscarriage was terrible. Three other things happened. 1. Her best friend became pregnant at exactly the same time. Their babies were due within days of each other. 2. It was exactly nine months after her 2nd failed IVF so in a way she was grieving for two lost babies that week. 3. Her sister in law gave birth to her third healthy baby that week. Now to the crux. My DS has just told me that he and his fiancee are expecting a baby. It was planned and they are very happy. But he is really anxious about telling his eldest sister. We know she will be delighted for him, but her joy will be tinged with such sadness and the news will be so bitter sweet. I think that sometimes it is forgotten that infertility is always the elephant in the room. The happiness that is never quite complete. As my DD once said to me " I am used to putting a smile on my face and keeping my tears for private".. I know there is nothing you can do or say, but I just needed to offload. Thanks for taking the time to read.
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