Who decides what in your relationship when it comes to your home

have you sat down quietly with him and discussed how you are feeling? because your report on how you have discussed it sounds a bit spikey on both sides?

greenlady102

have you sat down quietly with him and discussed how you are feeling? because your report on how you have discussed it sounds a bit spikey on both sides?

Yes we have but I think the issue we have is that we both got different tastes. Some things he likes is not to my taste and vice versa. Completely the opposites we are x

Welcome to my world! My DH always wants the opposite to what I want as well. Usually with decorating he's not that bothered though. Good luck, make sure to state you case firmly but fairly and try to compromise if possible.

10 years and you two haven't learned to compromise?

From what you’ve said it has nothing to do with being opposites and everything to do with him dismissing your opinions and wants out of hand.

You are showing all the signs of being door-matted. Sorry. It’s your house too so just tell him that.

Hello Itsawelshthing congratulations on buying your own home. Presumably you both chose the house together so it is right that you should also choose the décor together. How about taking a room each you decide say how you would like the sitting room decorated and he decides on how he would like one of the bedrooms decorated. Of course it would be best to sit down and discuss choices together but if there is no compromise at least you each get control over at least one room. It may be worth a try.

Compromise is ideal but Judy54 has also made a good suggestion. I don't think you sound spiky. He is being too bossy and not taking into account what you would like. I wouldn't give in to it, definitely not. Especially with big decisions like new kitchens. It's too important.
Sometimes I just bring things home and say I liked these curtains so I bought them. Ditto other soft furnishings. Why don't you try that?

Have you thought of professional help - a decorator or interior designer? A good one will take both of your tastes and find a solution that makes you both happy. Well worth the extra money it it keeps a happy relationship.

My DH. Has no interest in home decor or furnishing but always says ‘ oh no I don’t want/like that. I have always battled for what I want and he always likes it after the event. Even telling people ‘this is the best ‘ (whatever) ??. He just doesn’t like spending money ?

It’s great he is enthusiastic and willing to do stuff BUT we believe it is good to discuss and then arrive at the wife’s decision. Who does most of the cooking? If it’s the wife then she should have the last word and vice versa. Who does the majority of cleaning? Whoever does gets the last say unless it is truly a joint chore. We think it works best if I am a project manager and dh follows my wise directions. Been married for 61 years and that is the conclusion we have come to rely on. Don’t I sound ‘Oribble? The secret is don’t let him know all this as it’s best if he thinks it is his idea to leave choices to me.

Well personaly if he wants to make all the decisions, he can decide what he`s cooking for you both everyday and cook it too.
Job done.

Oh dear itsawelshthing , being married in our eyes is compromising , your husband sounds controlling to me, I would be putting my foot down, you both live in the house not just your husband, by the sound of it he wants to take control of literally every aspect of it, has he always been this bossy? My heart goes out to you,

I think you have been very reasonable, and your husband is being very unreasonable.
In our house, I always run things passed my husband, but ultimately, I make all the decisions, though sometimes he might come up with something I hadn’t considered.
He’s always happy with the results, but thinks I seem to spend an enormous amount on curtains!
If you both have strong opinions, I guess you are both going to have to learn to compromise, but please don’t let him walk all over you, he will take away the joy of having your own home.

We both had our own homes when we married so we had plenty of furniture etc. I usually decide on decor and furnishings because DH is not really practical or creative. It has always been me wearing the tool bag and doing the decorating. He usually likes things just the way they are as he does not like to spend a lot of money.

However since Covid my DH has realised we are not going to live forever. We have got plans underway and ongoing for some much needed changes in house and garden.

Unless I am mistaken I think you posted recently about DH telling you what to wear? You could be more assertive as your DH seems a strong character. Tell him his ideas are good but you are going to be involved in decisions whether he likes it or not.

We do and always have decided things together. Your DH has no right to dictate what you wear, where you live. This is not Victorian times. Just stand up for yourself.

Oh dear itsawelshthing you need to nip this in the bud before you are completely disempowered. Sit this man down and give him a good talking too. Its 50:50 in this house.

My DH used to want everything his way, we still have his parents furniture, but I paid and chose what to recover the 3 piece suite in. I have done most of the decorating including his tastes. Maybe you should allocate rooms for him to decide on and what you should have free reign with? Kitchen should be decided by who does most cooking. In this house it's me!

Good Luck

Itsawelshthing I have always had the choice when it comes to decor and furniture my job before retirement was selling new homes so had an eye for what looked good and what didn't.
My late husband's mantra was always "happy wife happy life" I don't ever remember him saying he did't like my choices in the 45yrs we where married.
Put your foot down now as this man sounds as though you will be controlled in the years to come.

Generally a joint decision, my husband is better with structural issues and I do soft furnishings and decide on colour schemes. Usually works well but we have had some disputes.

Can I just say that itsawelshthing has addressed this issue in her other thread ( clothes)

It is all about compromise. My OH freely admits that I am better at colour schemes, interior designs etc. than he is. However, I tend to select 3 colours, styles, options etc. and he has an input to the decision. It has worked for 20 years, most of the time.

Very difficult to compromise on decor, one wants black, one white grey is a compromise so nobody is happy.