Please help me decide if I should go back to work. This is my first post and probably too long of one. Sorry.
My husband's job in the corrections field took a downturn in Colorado and he was able to take a job he really enjoys in Kansas which required us to move. He doubled his income to make up for my income and I retired. He loves working with the other nice men at his new job, and he is well respected in his work where he does a very good job and he takes a lot of pride in his work.
So, four days before the pandemic, I retired after 50 years of office and sales work in four states. I had worked hard, climbed my way up the ladder again and again, while we raised our three sons and I volunteered at our church for many years. During most of that time, my husband's corrections work, unfortunately, kept us apart. Our hours were offset, and we didn't see each other often.
To help with finances, we returned to our home state of Kansas, where the cost of living is less, from Colorado where I was very well adjusted. In Kansas, we bought a nice home which my husband really likes. The home required my hard work to paint and remodel what I could but it is nice. I left a beautiful expensive home in the mountains, a job I mostly liked in a fun tourist town, all my friends who were very supportive (I lost two grown sons and am getting grief therapy but finally feeling better), and came to a town where I didn't know anyone and there is nothing to do. We are much closer to family, including grands and gr-grands), but I could not see much of my family due to covid. I left my only remaining son and his family (a beautiful granddaughter) in Colorado. Ofcourse, that was very hard. The only payoff for me was I got to sleep in after 50 yrs of getting up at 6 am and I would see more of my husband who I made very happy with the move. I'm not a self starter but adjusted by pampering myself and helping my mother, while we wore masks. She's 86 years old and self-sufficient. I finally found a church home after a year and a half. I tried many times to fit in at a couple of churches which were not a good fit.
My husband is six years younger than I am and is still working at age 62. He has a physically demanding job and is up at 3 am, starts work at 4:30 am, gets off at 2 pm and is hungry and needs to sit down. He is in good physical condition but the labor seems to be hard on his body. He is too tired to do much after work. We eat an early dinner, ride around our small town in our fun golf cart, and he's in bed by 7:30 pm. He will probably continue to work for three or four more years to pay down debt before retiring.
I'll be 68 this year but Im told I look like I'm in my 40s. I'll pass for a hiring age, even though we all know employers should not discriminate against the aging. I could go back to work and help him pay off the debt. He would come home sooner and we could travel in our RV (we do go for weekends together ❤ in our RV). He would not be getting up at 3 am and not be so tired if he was retired or cut his hours back.
My husband says no to the question of my returning to the work force. I am in good health but don't care to go back to work because of the stress of it all. I would try it again to shorten the wait so he could retire earlier. I am somewhat disappointed he gave up his military pension after 17 years in the Navy. He could have finished in the reserves but quit. He would be fully retired now.
At times, even though he doesn't admit it, I feel like he is resentful of my being home. For instance, even though I have figured out how to stay busy with pacing myself between household chores, neighborhood walks, Bible studies, etc., he will ask me (slight tone), Did you do this? Did you do that? If I say no, he jumps to it and does it himself (like I'm worthless). I can seldom please him. I find that very demeaning. As long as I get his dinner, wash his clothes and water the garden, I "pass his inspection" and he hops on his phone after the golf cart ride and then he goes to bed. I'm up until about 10 pm. No romance. We still get along pretty well and we plan an anniversary trip late in September. Thanks for your advice and suggestions.
P.s. my chiropractor who is working with helping me to reduce cholesterol due to stress (grief therapy called NET) knows about the critical remarks and infrequent displays of temper (prayer has stopped the criticism) told me to dump him. ? I've been married 37 years, and I think I should hang in there and not throw the baby out with the bathwater. I love him and we are friends. Pretty frustrating and I can't see the forest for the trees. Thanks again.
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