Difficult sister-in-law

She sounds a pain in the a** and I wouldn’t have her in my house.
I certainly wouldn’t stop my GCs from visiting at the same time , in fact I would revel in them being on the floor and being their glorious happy selves in your lovely warm, inviting and comfortable home.

Certainly tell your DH NOT to invite the grandchildren while his sister is visiting. Be frank and say her comments on their manners drive you mad.

Have you ever tried requesting this lady to keep her opinions to herself until or unless asked for them?

If you feel that is too forthright, smile when she airs her opinions and say, "Yes well, we brought our children up differently, but things change, don't they?" then change the subject.

Sit down and think out a list of innocuous topics of conversation, you can deflect her remarks with.

If she has the bad manners to criticise the food you make, smile and say, "Yes, well I didn't know what to make, as you are such a fussy eater, so I just made something your brother likes!"

Just make sure DH does like it!

Sorry....why are they coming? Have I missed something?

You'll never match this woman's standards, She just doesn't understand the love, happiness and security you are providing for your lovely grandchildren.. They must feel so happy in your home free to be themselves. Rejoice in that and let her be a miserable old sod on her own..

No need or reason to feel uncomfortable. You are different people and if she invites you and is pleased to see you she may have no clue you feel like this.
If you invite your GC over while they are with you maybe avoid a sit down meal, have a buffet or no meal at all and plan a walk where the children can have a run around. Just ignore any comments about how your GC behave in YOUR home or maybe your dh, her brother should respond. What does he think about this?
Does she have GC? I rather think not.
Don’t get upset about this, there is no need to I feel inadequate. She is clearly a strong say it how it is character who doesn’t see the offence she is causing.

Someone who is openly critical in someone else's house in the inadequate one.

is the inadequate...

Ask yourself why she makes you feel inadequate? You are the one with a loving family home where your grandchildren love to come. You are the one who does not criticise people unnecessarily. You are the one who is going to let her comments fly over your head, your DH on the other hand should quietly ask his sister to not make derogatory comments on your meal planning etc.

Just smile after she has gone, and know that her life is probably lacking something to make her this way.

All hands to the pump, you DSiL could help, after all she is family not royalty.
When we all go away the whole family chips in. Last time a broadsheet was made and everyone filled in with the meals they would bring the ingredients and cook. Men as well as women cook a meal.
For the big family feast meals each brings a course.

I don't see why she would make you feel inadequate. In fact, she can't - only you can do that. Why have any concern over her 'comments', when they seem quite ridiculous to me - and others, I'm sure.

Maybe some upfront short sentences

It is good we are all different isn't it.
Or
Let's agree to disagree
Or
Whilst I am in awe of your many talents, do not diss me or mine in my own home.
Or
The world must be great at the moment in your eyes, because if your only concern is my grandchildren, that's amazing.

discodancer, they come every year about this time, and we visit them every summer.
DH and she are very close. They live a couple of hundred miles away.
Thanks for your supportive comments. I’m a very polite person and I couldn’t be rude to a guest. DH says just let it go, it’s just how she is.
DS wants to see her, he likes his auntie.
She does have grandchildren. In fact now I come to think of it, she has stopped her four grandchildren from all visiting her at once, as they fight all the time!

I have a sister in law similar Shes not an awful lady she and my brother in law are well off but quite generous and definitely not nasty people but they have no idea that sometimes what they say can feel hurtful to someone not so well off and they do come across as snobs
A couple of years ago they were staying with friends in my area they d never been this way before and said they d call and take me out to lunch which was a lovely thought They called at my house and of course I offered them a coffee before we set off my sister in law asked me what type of coffee I had, I told her (whatever it was ) Nescafé or whatever and the answer I got was no thank you if you haven’t got percolated I d rather not have any at all.
Ouch!! Then in conversation they said how lovely the area I was I said Well there’s always a bed made up anytime you would like to come back, the answer Thank you but we prefer something more luxurious’
Why couldn’t they just have said ‘thanks’ then just never took my offer up
It hurt…. my house isn’t anything bad it really isn’t

I don't agree with your H that you should let her comments go over your head anxiousgran, you should deal with each comment as it's given, you can do so politely and TBH your H should do the same.

I understand that she's his sister and they're close, but it sounds as if his sister is disrespecting you in your own home and he shouldn't allow that to happen.

Smileless2012

I don't agree with your H that you should let her comments go over your head anxiousgran, you should deal with each comment as it's given, you can do so politely and TBH your H should do the same.

I understand that she's his sister and they're close, but it sounds as if his sister is disrespecting you in your own home and he shouldn't allow that to happen.

Agree. Frankly I think husband is being a bit wet! He should tell her not to be rude to you.

Why doesn’t he cook when she’s visiting so you don’t get the flak !?

" a bit wet" indeed Lucca.

Smileless2012

" a bit wet" indeed Lucca.

Is one allowed to say that ?!

Just try to let it go if it’s not that often, knowing me I would probably challenge a comment, but that wouldn’t help long term. Try to think PITA is it again. Won’t last long.

Your dh invited his sister- he can do everything for her to make sure he meets her high standards.
You are off the hook.

As for inviting your gc, I wouldnt stop it from happening just because sil cannot behave.
Call her out, she and her husband can go to dinner outside - i wouldn't modify my routine because my guests do not know how to behave

Your sister-in -law sounds frankly ill-bred to criticize her hostess in her own home.
Is your husband still in awe of the bossy older sister, that he doesn't support you?
Sounds as though she is desperately attempting to intimidate you, and is actually rather inadequate.

The sort of person who has 'lots of skilled hobbies' and makes sure you know it makes me want to run a mile. They are usually attempting to prove something; not sure what.

When they say 'and I made all these myself' the only response that comes to mind is: why?

I'd honestly ignore her. What was it Buddah said, something like "if I decline to accept your gift, who does it belong to?"

If you don't accept her criticism, it belongs to her not you

From my own experience -
Before SiL comes I strongly recommend you handwrite her a draft letter in which you give her both barrels! Include some swear words you know but are normally too ladylike to use. It's very cathartic. Just make sure you tear it up into tiny pieces before anyone else sees it!!

You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family. My SIL can be a pita but basically she's a good person, she's a real "know all" rather right wing and has married into pots of old money, which has gone to her head a bit. I don't spend lots of time with her but IMHO it costs me nothing to deal with her kindly and ignore anything that is potentially annoying or rude. I focus on her good points (and she has plenty) and just quietly ignore the more irritating aspects of her personality. It's what I suspect she does with me too and we rub along just fine. When OH and I are on our own, following a visit, we have a bit of a giggle. I'm actually very fond of her, she's part of my family and I'm part of hers.

I’m feeling sorry for the sister-in-law. She obviously doesn’t realise that you dislike her.