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Last of my lovers

(27 Posts)
Macbrather Tue 03-May-22 17:31:33

I'm 63 and my husband died three years ago.Prior to meeting him,I had five serious relationships and,yes,slept with them all for quite lengthy periods (they were all at different times!).I've found out today that the last of them died in March.Talk about being depressed!I've been on my own since my husband died,my children live abroad and due to cancer,have been unable to get out much.On the mend now but hearing the news has really thrown me.All I seem to do is look back never forward.Any help or ideas to get me into a more positive frame of mind gratefully received.

Pepper59 Tue 03-May-22 17:50:41

Sadly, this happens as we get older and perhaps having cancer did not help. Do things you enjoy or even phone someone for a blether.

timetogo2016 Tue 03-May-22 17:51:58

Please concentrate on getting well,not on an old flame who sadly died.
Loosing your husband and being poorly then finding out about an old flame is just a little too much to take in.
Think of ALL the good times you have had and the futuregood times.
I wish you well.

Dempie55 Tue 03-May-22 17:53:04

I'm 66, and widowed. I have kind of accepted now that I'll never have sex with another person again. It was a bit disappointing when I realised the harsh reality of this, but I have got used to the idea now, and I am happy just pottering around the world and reading. In many ways, I like just having myself to worry about. As for folk dying, yes, it's sad, but rejoice in the fact that you're still here and enjoy yourself!

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 03-May-22 18:14:16

I can understand that, if you didn’t part acrimoniously. It’s an old love and maybe subconsciously you thought after you were widowed that you might meet again one day. Our subconscious is a powerful thing. Your illness has also made you more vulnerable and as we get older I think we do tend to look back more. There’s a lot to look back on! You’re almost 10 years younger than me and as you say you’re now getting better, so pleased to read that, you should have a good many years ahead to enjoy. Are you able to join any local groups or, when you are stronger, find some part time work or a volunteering role to help you meet others? Even a group that meets online is a start. Are you able to consider visiting your children abroad or inviting them for a holiday? Something to look forward to. You will also find companionship here almost 24/7, which is a lifeline for many. Finally, this is a real cliché but do you have a pet? If your circumstances permit it, I can tell you from experience that the love and companionship is invaluable and they are a reason to get up in the morning.
I truly hope you soon feel better. You will never forget your lost love but in time will be able to remember him with fondness though he was not destined to be The One.
I wish you well.💐

JaneJudge Tue 03-May-22 18:18:00

You are 63, you could meet someone else again if you wanted to! smile Book to see your family is cancer clear and start thinking of yourself and carpe diem for now x

Ladyleftfieldlover Tue 03-May-22 18:31:04

I remember hearing that a fairly serious boyfriend from when I was at school had died. It was very strange. He had moved to France years ago and I happened to bump into a mutual friend who told me. I also had quite a roll call of lovers but so far I haven’t heard about any of the others dying. I suppose it’s an accepted fact that as we get older more people in our ‘pen’ will die. Before the pandemic OH attended four funerals in just a couple of months of people he had known well. One guy had been his room mate when he first went to Oxford.

MerylStreep Tue 03-May-22 18:36:10

Never say never. My mother in law found love ( and sex 😉) again in her 70s.
I’m glad that it was me who cleared out her bedroom when she died and not her 4 sons 😉

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 03-May-22 18:38:13


Katie59 Tue 03-May-22 18:47:43

63 yrs young, never say never to lover number 6, you dont know what is round the corner.

Esspee Tue 03-May-22 19:19:44

63 is no age at all, you have lots of good times ahead of you Macbrather. I lost my husband 18 years ago and I know what you are going through. Little things can set you off and an old flame dying is far from a little thing.
I try to fill my days with things I love to do when I hit a low point. Not gardening which gives me too much time to reflect but meeting friends or visiting a museum. I hope you find a distraction which works for you.
It will pass.

Woodmouse Tue 03-May-22 19:49:32

Sixty three isn't old! You will hopefully have many years ahead of you and can expect to have more lovers along the way - if that's what you want. Please don't lose heart at this stage.

Callistemon21 Tue 03-May-22 20:36:31


Never say never. My mother in law found love ( and sex 😉) again in her 70s.
I’m glad that it was me who cleared out her bedroom when she died and not her 4 sons 😉

MerylStreep 😂😂😂

PrettyNancy Sat 07-May-22 15:22:21

I met my husband when I was 63, I had retired, and having been divorced for almost 20 years I had resigned myself to being on my own for the rest of my life!

How wrong I was! We have been married for 5 years now. I got cancer one year after our wedding. My husband has been an absolute rock. 63 is no age at all. Onwards and upwards is our motto!

Puzzled Wed 11-May-22 18:49:13

Sadly, as we get older, we do lose friends (close and distant) colleagues and acquaintances. It is a fact of life.
Tomorow is the first day of the rest of your life, you cannot bring back the water that has passed under the bridge.

Try to look for the good things that are coming, even if they are not yet in sight.
be happy that despite your problems, yo are still alive and able do things.
Maybe not as many, or as vigorously, in some cases, but you still can.
Your glass is still half full!
You are younger than me by several years, but life still stretches ahead of us.
For how long we do not know, but get as much enjoyment of it as you can, while you can.

Elisheva Wed 29-Jun-22 06:34:13

That sounds like a shock. I don’t think anybody’s ever old enough to not be shocked by old friends and boyfriends dying.

I think the worst thing about ageing actually is the constant loss which you have to get over each time. I am 48 bit my mum is 78, in great condition and is always completely floored by friend’s deaths. Take care of yourself you’re bound to feel a bit low especially if you’re also battling a disease x

yggdrasil Wed 29-Jun-22 07:42:00

66 is no age to decide never to have sex again. I am in my 70s, and have a drawer full of multi-use toys my daughter could be surprised at if she had to clear my house grin.

henetha Wed 29-Jun-22 10:14:56

You are so young yet! There could be all sorts of happiness ahead of you, including a new love. I do hope so.
It is upsetting to lose old lovers or old friends, but sadly we all experience it. It's life.
Perhaps for now just plan something which you would enjoy, a trip away, a new outfit, whatever would make you feel better.
Good wishes.

Davida1968 Fri 08-Jul-22 14:19:41

Good grief - how old were your lovers? Losing five seems very sad indeed. At 63 you are a spring chicken, IMO! My advice is to get out and MEET PEOPLE. Just socially, or in interest groups like walking groups or U3A. You could have many years ahead, and so much good stuff could happen.... Go forward and be happy!

3nanny6 Fri 08-Jul-22 16:15:39

Macbrather so sorry to hear that you are feeling down. Losing your husband three years ago is another blow. You are just a spring chicken at 63 that is no age at all. Hopefully you are on the mend so start getting out and about with friends and finding some enjoyment in life. Never rule out the possibility of someone new in your life live for the day and grab all life opportunities with both hands.
Love and consenting sex is not just for the young even older women still feel the need to be loved and cherished it is only a very natural instinct after all.
Be happy live your life.

Cassy0110 Tue 12-Jul-22 05:46:56

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BigBertha1 Tue 12-Jul-22 08:56:52

Macbrather I'm sorry your feeling depressed but you are still young no matter what you are feeling now - there is more life for you I'm sure. Good advice from a musical 'put on your Sunday clothes when you feel down and out'. Get your self gussied up and go into town, buy yourself something nice like a new lipstick, have your nails done anything to make you feel good and get you ready for the next bit. smile

PinkCosmos Tue 12-Jul-22 10:10:19

An old boyfriend of mine died at just 40. I had had a crush on him at secondary school but we didn't date until I was about 17 and had gone to sixth form college. We were only together for about 12 months as he went to University and we drifted apart.

I think about him quite often and am so sad that his life was cut short.

Never say never Macbrather. My mum remarried when she was 74 to a brother of one of her friends. It turned out to be a nightmare but that isn't the point.

TheBestGran Tue 12-Jul-22 20:24:19

I was divorced at 60 , had an amazing affair when I was 62 and have now married again at 66. You are never too old to have fun and sex. It is a very individual thing though and I do have friends who do not want to get involved with a man again or who are too scared to but would like to. I knew that I didn't want to live alone and have found the best husband ever. To each their own choice. Hope you feel more perky soon.

BigBear60 Mon 18-Jul-22 03:58:20

I’m 62 and have not had sex for 7 yes! Still on the look out though, so never give up, you never know!