Gransnet forums


Fathers losing out?

(16 Posts)
Anne107 Sun 29-May-22 08:24:49

Curious. 🤔I was reading up on fathers losing out on seeing their children when couples separate. Apparently there has been quite a large increase within the last couple of years of women making ‘false allegations’ for one reason or another to make it very difficult for fathers to see their children as well as losing their home, therefore becoming homeless. In most cases the law favours the women. Of course we are all fully aware there are bad men out there amongst us, as well as bad women. But it appears that innocent fathers receive little support. The only way a father can fight back is through the courts costing thousands of £ while the mother automatically receives legal aid. So unless the father is financially well off he really doesn’t have a fighting chance. This can have a devastating detrimental affect on fathers many of which even end up suicidal etc. Even if the matter goes to court and it is found the man is indeed
innocent the mother simply walks away shrugging her shoulders irrelevant the fact she made such false allegations. What’s your views / opinions on this.

Grandmabatty Sun 29-May-22 08:43:25

I think this is unsubstantiated unless you provide detailed information and not an opinion.

Smileless2012 Sun 29-May-22 08:45:48

Legal aid has all but disappeared so I'm not sure why you think women automatically receive legal aid in these cases.

Elusivebutterfly Sun 29-May-22 08:46:24

Legal aid is not granted based on being a man/father or a women/mother. It is based on income so you will get some fathers entitled to legal aid and some mothers not entitled to it.

There are women who stop their exes seeing their children but there are also nasty abusive men who make the lives of their exes and children miserable. I think we should say there are good and bad people.

FarNorth Sun 29-May-22 08:50:09

Do you have a link to a source of what you are claiming?

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 29-May-22 09:26:47

I have seen nothing to support your allegations, and mothers certainly don't automatically receive legal aid. Its award is dependent on financial circumstances - I received none but, by lying, my ex did though had to repay it.
Am I right in thinking that you are the mother of a divorced son?

Katie59 Sun 29-May-22 09:28:38

One of my nephews is divorcing and has had this deliberate false allegations problem because his wife cannot get her own way - she left with 4 children and is stuck in private rented.
It has calmed down somewhat because she wants him to have the children so she has time with her boyfriend.

He is paying Child Maintenence and kept the house there was no equity, so she has to work when she can, not a happy situation.

AGAA4 Sun 29-May-22 09:41:00

Many divorced parents work out contact with their children between themselves.

If it goes to court it is usually because one parent is being denied reasonable contact by the other, in most cases the mother.

I believe that the welfare of the child should come first and contact with both parents is essential unless one parent has been violent towards the child.

Some mothers, sadly, use their children as a punishment and do their best to deny contact with the father.

kittylester Sun 29-May-22 09:43:29

DD3's husband tells anyone who will listen that she stops him seeing his children - forgetting that his unacceptable behaviour is the reason. And he doesn't take her to court for access as he knows she has very good grounds for denying it.

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 29-May-22 09:43:31

The welfare of the child is paramount and for that reason the Court denied my ex contact.

Grammaretto Sun 29-May-22 09:54:20

Old friends of ours were looking after their grandson after their DS and his DW divorced. I don't know the circumstances except that there were false allegations of abuse against the DGP so they weren't able to see their DGS again. It was so sad for the little boy and awful for my friends. Some people will do almost anything to get their way.

GagaJo Sun 29-May-22 09:58:00

Not the experience of anyone I know. Probably because the women married to good men stay married.

Certainly not in my case. Ex actively avoided seeing our DD. Thankfully he's a better GF than he was a F.

Chardy Sun 29-May-22 11:04:59

Do people really believe this stuff about many children not being allowed to see their dads because of maternal spite.
Being a single parent is absolutely exhausting, and any respite is usually greatly appreciated.
(However money is often a cause of aggravation in acrimonious divorces)

Bridgeit Sun 29-May-22 11:23:32

Well yes because sadly it does happen , may be not on a grand scale .but it definitely goes on & it definitely should not.!

Redhead56 Sun 29-May-22 11:38:51

I divorced my abusive husband for the sake of my children nearly thirty years ago. I did get legal aid I worked part time and jointly owned property. I received no child support or benefits life was a struggle but at least my children were safe.
I had full custody of my children my ex husband was given access to the children. He totally abused the time he had drinking driving crashing the car. My children secretly dreaded him picking them up and eventually told me what he was doing.
I had to plead in family court that he could not be trusted yet he was still given time with them. Time he should have spent being the good dad he claimed to be but instead he terrified them. I stopped him taking the children myself by fleeing my home temporarily because of the intimidation.
I know perfectly decent couples who divorced and worked thing out together for their children. However this is not always the case so generalisations about situations don’t help.
I don’t know if family court decisions have moved on from then but listening to the news I doubt it. The emphasis is still the rights of the abusive parent not the innocent children.

icanhandthemback Sun 29-May-22 11:56:50

Redhead56, I had a similar experience. My ex was abusive, we had to have extra security at cost because he threatened court officers, wouldn't engage with Caffcas and showed the Judge the type of person he was every time we went to court for 2 years. Each time, his solicitor appealed to the court to give him another chance because she maintained I was triggering him! I wasn't actually denying him access but asked for supervised access to ensure that my children were not subjected to his bad behaviour. Finally, just as were due to meet the Judge in Chambers to resolve the situation, my ex walked out of the court because he had to take his 16 year old girlfriend to work. Although the Judge took a dim view, he wouldn't say that my ex couldn't have access, he just said no order would be made for it at that time.
During the time we were in conflict about access, he put a gun to my head and pulled the trigger, rammed my mother's car, smashed all my headlights on my car, was arrested in a stolen car and a host of other abusive behaviours. None of it affected his standing with the Court.
My own son took his ex to Court for access to his son, no barristers and our solicitor couldn't be there so we were on our own. However, the Court were very reasonable and he was granted defined access along with more "reasonable access." To be honest, he only ever got the defined access but rather than keep going back to Court, he decided that it was better for his son not to keep fighting his mother. What he couldn't stop was the indoctrination that he was a terrible father, didn't really love his son, etc, etc. However, he hung in there and now his son is reaching adulthood, he is able to see for himself that this is not true. He now lives with his paternal grandmother so he can complete his further education as his relationship with his mother has broken down completely. He can't live with his Dad because they are 250 miles apart as his mother moved him as far away as he could and he needs to finish his A level exams this year.