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Is it normal behaviour?

(33 Posts)
itstormy Thu 16-Jun-22 12:35:49

My husband is late sixties as am I. Married 45 years.
He gets very "taken" with other women and always has. When he talks to them he clearly seems to be chatting them up and using obvious body language.
Other men say to me jokingly, you better keep an eye on him or similar.
I realise men are ruled by their hormones as are women.
Am I just being envious and jealous or is he stepping over a "married man" boundary. As far as I know he has not had an affair. He has always been loving towards me and still is.
Part of me wants to say I feel very uncomfortable about it. He definitely doesn't like confrontation and perhaps it's something I have to deal with in my own head?
Grateful of any thoughts.

PinkCosmos Thu 16-Jun-22 12:48:26

I know how you feel itstormy. My husband is similar. he is 62.

I wouldn't say he chats other women up but he is very friendly towards them and is a touchy feely kind of person, but hopefully not in a creepy way. For example, He will put his hand on their shoulder or arm when they are speaking to him - mainly because he is a bit deaf I think. He doesn't flirt but he is very attentive.

He will offer to help anyone and I sometimes worry that this may be misconstrued by the women (widows) who he is offering to put shelves up for etc.

He seems oblivious to the fact that some of the ladies might be getting the wrong idea. This makes me feel like I am highlighting something that isn't there.

I don't think he is even thinking about an affair but I am well aware that there are a lot of predatory women out there.

Could you make light of it as his friends seem to do? Do you think he is aware of his behaviour? Would he be shocked if you brought it up?

Hithere Thu 16-Jun-22 12:54:50

So your husband is a flirt, at the very least

No, not acceptable.

You are not getting the respect you deserve as a his wife so you need to demand it

Smileless2012 Thu 16-Jun-22 14:01:09

I think some people are more flirtatious than others. I doesn't mean your husband is being disrespectful to you or the women he's engaging with.

As this is troubling you, you need to talk to him about it. It doesn't have or need to be confrontational which making demands would be.

This isn't something you need to deal with in (your) own head, it's something for you to discuss as a couple. You say he is and has always been very loving toward you, so maybe he simply doesn't know how this makes you feel, and he wont unless you talk to him.

I hope you can get this sorted flowers.

Redhead56 Thu 16-Jun-22 14:26:20

We married at forty and forty five if my husband flirted in front of me I would have snapped at him. It’s not something I would put up with ever again.
Done it been there worn the tee shirt there’s being polite and there’s flirting it’s not acceptable. I sound like a snap dragon I’m not I had a bad first marriage but was too naive to see it coming.

GagaJo Thu 16-Jun-22 14:33:03

I do think it's an older man thing. And also an 'oblivious' thing too. Sad and a little bit pathetic.

Baggs Thu 16-Jun-22 14:38:13

I don't think you need to worry unless his behaviour towards you changes. If that's the same as it has always been and the way he behaves towards other women is the way it has always been, what's the problem?

What has made you want to talk about it on here now?

Baggs Thu 16-Jun-22 14:39:42

The thread title asks "is it normal behaviour". If it's normal for him and always has been then yes it is normal.

TerriT Thu 16-Jun-22 14:55:57

I think old men don’t realise they are old men and that flirting behaviour is usually seen by others in a way that may shock the flirter. Same applies to women who flirt. My advice is to copy his behaviour and see if he minds!

AreWeThereYet Thu 16-Jun-22 15:14:19


The thread title asks "is it normal behaviour". If it's normal for him and always has been then yes it is normal.

I agree. Lots of women are touchy, touchy people but I've never heard anyone suggest there is something wrong with them. If he's always been like that I suppose the question is, why are you suddenly uncomfortable? Maybe because someone has put the thought in your head?

Poppyred Thu 16-Jun-22 15:41:54

You’ve been married to him for 45 years and now you ask??

itstormy Thu 16-Jun-22 15:46:10

Thank you for replies. Circumstances have changed where he is mixing with more females now without me. I think he is a people pleaser and wants everyone to like him. He can be a bit over the top talking to men as well. Like PinkCosmos I worry that available females will return his behaviour and things escalate. Yes, someone did comment I would have to watch him.

BlueBelle Thu 16-Jun-22 15:49:41

I don’t understand why it’s become a problem NOW has he just become like this? it doesn’t sound it from how you have written
If he’s always been like it it sounds as if it’s just ‘his way’
Some people are just more touchy/feely than others but doesn’t mean anything negative by it HOWEVER if it’s started bothering you mention it to him and tell him his behaviour is a bit cringy

BlueBelle Thu 16-Jun-22 15:53:08

Sorry your reply wasn’t there when I wrote Are you sure it’s not you being more insecure since he’s mixing with more women now
Only you know if you can trust him or not but don’t blame the women if he’s over familiar with them

missingmarietta Thu 16-Jun-22 16:05:40

Over familiar men over a certain age are just off putting and makes women feel uncomfortable. Maybe they don't realise how seedy they appear but they often do.

I've stopped going to a group where a couple of older men had sidled up to me and started to be too intrusive with remarks and looks/smirks. In no way did I give any encouragement only to talk politely but it made me feel as if I was giving the wrong signals...and I wasn't. Not interested.

I've seen, many times, older men in the street or sitting in cafes waiting for their wives so obviously ogling at young girl/women, looking them up and down...and it's quite nauseating.

By older I suppose I mean 60's and upwards.

What I noticed though is how reluctant you are to talk to your DH about this. Do you feel you have to fear his reactions so much? How open are the two of you with subjects which matter and might bother each of you?

Elizabeth27 Thu 16-Jun-22 16:42:28

As long as you trust him I do not see a problem, however, if it bothers you then tell him how you feel.

I don't like the comment about predatory women, he is the one that is married so it is up to him to put them straight, he has self-control.

eazybee Thu 16-Jun-22 17:47:40

It is embarrassing for you, but I doubt if it means more than he considers himself a 'ladies man' (old fashioned term for silly old-fashioned behaviour).
Tell him gently he is becoming embarrassing, and note his reaction.

itstormy Thu 16-Jun-22 19:17:10

Thank you for a wide variety of thoughts.
I broached the subject, stating how I felt without accusing.
Got a good and I believe genuine response, basically that nothing untoward was being considered.
I do feel happier having tackled it rather than letting it fester. Appreciate very much the encouragement and support on here. Special hello to Smileless 2012 who I know from another board.

Chloejo Thu 16-Jun-22 21:24:13

They like to still feel they are young and it’s a bit of an ego thing. Yes like to still feel they can chat up the ladies. I get that with men I just smile they are ladies men

HowVeryDareYou Thu 16-Jun-22 21:59:23

Has your husband always been like that? If so, then it's normal for him. If not, tell him you don't like it. I don't think it's typical of all men over a certain age - my husband is 64, we've been married for 42 years, and he's still the shy type I married, and he's still affectionate towards me (and only me)

crazyH Thu 16-Jun-22 22:07:49

itstormy - don’t want to scare you, but ‘flirting’ at work parties etc is how it started with my husband (now Ex). When I used to question him about it he used to say “it’s all in your head” - but then, your husband is affectionate with you. Mine started to move away from me, not just figuratively, if you know what I mean.
I hope you feel better and things are hunky dory ..

welbeck Thu 16-Jun-22 22:20:53

well he would hardly say there was more to it, that he'd take it further if given a chance.
maybe he wouldn't do so.
but just stating that seems a low bar.
he should tell you he will cut it out now that he knows it bothers you.

aquagran Thu 16-Jun-22 22:30:23

Not a good idea to touch in any way, even if just on shoulder or arm!

Sielha Sat 18-Jun-22 22:57:10

Ooh you definitely need to express how you feel about this one. How would he feel if the boot were on the other foot? It’s bothered you enough to post on here so it needs to be addressed. That’s not being confrontational, you just need to be heard.

Hetty58 Sun 19-Jun-22 00:40:48

I'm puzzled by why it's a problem now - after 45 years?