Adult son (21) relationship

My eldest had a similar attitude when I had a back injury - seemed to think I was exaggerating the pain - and 'being lazy' too!

I don't believe it had much to do with my disability. At the time, he was unhappy, in a job he hated, and without a girlfriend. He felt bad, so took it out on me as he felt even more insecure and threatened by my being out of action.

Although I was angry with him, I just apologised for being a 'crap mother' - to take the wind out of his sails. I acted hurt and he was thoroughly criticised by his siblings.

Decades on, he was bedridden by severe back spasm - and, at last, I got a sincere apology!

Oh I wish I could blame those things...he's got a lovely girl, going to Sandhurst. has saved lots of money etc thing is my 3 are like glue upset one upset all x but thank you

Glad you got your apology ? karma is a b....

Avaneedslove

Oh I wish I could blame those things...he's got a lovely girl, going to Sandhurst. has saved lots of money etc thing is my 3 are like glue upset one upset all x but thank you

If your son is close to your husband, could he not ask your son what the problem is? If he resents your disability, perhaps your husband could explain to him that no one asks for pain and it's exhausting to deal with.

Other than that, I would sit down with your son, ask him to be honest about what exactly his problem is with you. If he genuinely thinks you've been a "less than perfect" parent, he should have the courage to tell you and discuss it.

Young, fit, adults don't really understand disability/pain, and they think their parents should be firing on all cylinders, at all times.?

One day, they will learn how debilitating pain can be.

Meanwhile, concentrate of getting well from your depression, and I believe there are various techniques and drugs to help with the pain of Fibro/arthritis.?

When he becomes a parent, he'll soon understand that perfection is impossible!

His dad has explained fully....but he's oblivious to the way he acts around me. My youngest son is normally the one who is constantly peed off at me but since his brother came home it's like they've changed personality!!
Honestly I thought things improve as they become adults..but since my younger son turned 18, now it hassle hassle hassle..I just want the same love and respect he gives his dad you know x

Also he's seen me fall down the stairs with a glass in my hand.
.it shattered everywhere and he wast picking glass out of my face! Does he think that was on purpose ?

Definitely x

I think you may be overthinking it as you have the time in your hands to ruminate due to your current condition. He's a young man full of energy and with his busy life crowding in.
Children want us to be the same all the time and we do change over time. Try not to be be demanding or wanting to talk to him about your relationship. Give him distance and space and look to your own future.

Yes I agree with you. Things have changed in the last day or so and he has talked about things bothering him. The main point is now he's back home properly he wants to be treated as a kid again..or rather things to be exactly the same as it was 3 years ago. He obviously knows it's not possible 100%. He's struggling with becoming a proper adult. And I am and have always have been a great mum xxx

Thanks for all of your advice. You've all made me feel better and got us talking again xx

Perhaps you ve been too good a mum and done too much and that reliable person is now not so well to do it all !!!
Just a thought

I don’t think children are good at seeing parents sick, they want everything to be the same, for mum to be strong and capable, I don’t think they like being reminded of their parents mortality.
I used to suffer debilitating migraines, and my youngest always behaved as if I did it just to disrupt her life, I shouldn’t read too much into it.

Yes that's what my dad said about the ? xx

That's a good point ?.... thank you ?

Don't be hung up about not having a mum yourself ! You know in your heart you are a good mother. Your eldest son is still very young and barely adult. I think perhaps he is finding it difficult to see you incapacitated, our adult children don't want to see us ill, we have always been there to sort out their problems and see they are ok. Your son still wants to see you in that way.Sounds as though things are improving , good luck and don't dwell too much on this , your son will adjust to your situation. It is hard for him to see you struggling and is not sure how to deal with it.