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An untruthful friend.

(19 Posts)
annsixty Fri 19-Aug-22 13:16:53

How would you deal with a friend of many years who you have always found to fudge the truth but is now frankly lying.
I have made so many allowances for being let down and excuses being made over the years as have mutual friends but now as we are all over 80 I feel I have had enough.
She told me this week about another friend who had an accident a month ago and having spoken to said friend today I realise she quite deliberately misled me and it has made me so annoyed.
She should have realised the truth would come out.
Do I tell her or once again do I ignore it?
I hardly see her now after Covid so no loss to me but such a long friendship , over 50 years, is hard to forget.

Marmight Fri 19-Aug-22 13:22:52

I think I’d be tempted to ignore. You hardly see her now and, although it’ll be sad to lose a friend of 50 years standing, it will be a gradual ending - a natural fizzling out.

BlueBelle Fri 19-Aug-22 13:24:35

Which will make you feel better getting it off your chest or letting it go and seeing her for what she is Does she exaggerate things to seem important or just have to embroider to make things more vivid and interesting does she have a very boring dull life ? Only you know which way to go ignore and accept her flaws and all ….or tackle her and probably say au revoke

BlueBelle Fri 19-Aug-22 13:25:16

Au revoir not Au revoke dah

annsixty Fri 19-Aug-22 13:31:53

I think I will just let it go.
She has a very full life compared to some of us and still has a husband unlike several of our friends
She has never liked committing, my own H used to say she was always waiting for a better more exciting invitation to come along and then she would say yes at the last minute.
I think I have had enough of her games, I am too old to play them, I will let it slowly fade away.

BlueBelle Fri 19-Aug-22 14:10:39

Probably for the best Ann I once had a best friend or so I thought we had spent years popping round for coffee sharing laughs tears ( cigarettes in those distant times) helping each other …then she let me down so badly I had invited a few friends including her round for a meal I d gone to a lot of trouble and for me expense, we sat waiting holding the meal up and she just never turned up we had to start without her, some time later I heard the letterbox plop and found a note on the doormat saying she’d gone out for the evening on a last minute arrangement with a friend I was so hurt angry and upset that I had to say something and her answer was oh well I didn’t expect it to mean that much to you We never ever spoke after that and I felt a huge sense of loss I do wonder about her and wonder if she ever thought of me she left the district and remarried so no idea who she is or where she is
Sometimes you just have to follow what your heart is telling you

Madgran77 Fri 19-Aug-22 14:18:32

I think letting it fizzle out is wise.

I too brought a friendship of long standing to an end after something she did that she refused to take any responsibility for. She died several years later and much as I did not wish that on her at a relatively young age, I also had and have no regrets for my decision, which was the right one for me. Its hard though when relationships go into free fall, whatever the reason flowers

HeavenLeigh Fri 19-Aug-22 14:18:38

I would let it go, she hasn’t got dementia has she?

Ladyleftfieldlover Fri 19-Aug-22 14:21:17

My friend who causes upsets in restaurants is difficult. It isn’t a very long friendship, probably around 15 years. She had been through a lot of angst, mainly bereavements, and I’ve always been there. Yet when I was diagnosed with breast cancer 5 years ago, nothing. We made one or two arrangements to meet and at the last minute she would cancel. So I gave up until just last year when she got in touch. We now meet every few months/weeks for lunch (with accompanying upsets!) and that’s it.

Hithere Fri 19-Aug-22 14:23:52

So she lied before and she lies now

Nothing new

Is a friendship with liars worth it? Not in my book

AreWeThereYet Fri 19-Aug-22 15:29:04

She told me this week about another friend who had an accident a month ago and having spoken to said friend today I realise she quite deliberately misled me and it has made me so annoyed.

Why would she deliberately mislead you? She must have known that you would find out. Sounds a bit rum. If she doesn't feel like a friend then stop being friends. As you say, just let it fizzle out.

sodapop Fri 19-Aug-22 17:59:44

I would have to ask my friend why she gave me the misleading information. Give her the chance to explain, if it was a dliberate lie then I would stop any contact with her. This is not the first time your friend has misled you annsixty

Smileless2012 Fri 19-Aug-22 18:04:07

I would ignore it annsixty. You're seeing a lot less of her now and if I were you, I'd keep it that way.

Serendipity22 Fri 19-Aug-22 18:18:20

Hmmmm I think you have chosen a wise move.... x

LeonoraRavenscroft Sat 20-Aug-22 05:58:58

Some advice I once got from a counsellor was: if it does not suit you, just let it sail on by. What and who is meant to come your way will. Sometimes I think some of us make too much effort and try to please people. Do they really care? If they do they will respond in kind, if not are they worth our time and effort?

Allsorts Sat 20-Aug-22 07:03:32

Let it drift away. If she does get in touch I would mention the incident and hear her reply, however the fact is the friendship has run its course. I had to let a friend whom I really had a very close friendship with, for years we got each other through difficult times together, in fact I don't know how I could have coped without each other. We both remarried and went out every week in foursomes. Then I found out she was claiming for an accident she did not have, because other she said, others did it why shouldn't she, her husband had his ownbusiness and they had a very good lifestyle, she sent me a card from some exotic holiday of her paragliding. Never saw her again couldn't accept the lies and deception. . I missed the good times, the laughs we had, that support we gave each other, but she had changed too much. I have not had a friend that close since, I was lucky as I had married the best friend and husband in the world, he never wavered? I will always miss him I'm afraid.

Redhead56 Sat 20-Aug-22 09:10:46

Yes her behaviour might be age related let it go and see her when it suits you. You have other friends you can socialise with life is too short for falling out now. I would just take what she tells you with a pinch of salt not too seriously in one ear out of the other.

LauraNorderr Sat 20-Aug-22 09:31:01

I think I’d go with the thoughts of LeonoraRavenscroft. If it doesn’t suit you let it sail on by.
Friendship should be a two way street with honesty and respect going both ways.

luluaugust Sat 20-Aug-22 10:05:35

Some people do like to make a drama of everything and probably don't see it as lying more like making a good story of any event. However, this can be so disruptive and confusing, if it upsets you let her go.