Gransnet forums


When a friend disappoints you.

(21 Posts)
schnackie Fri 31-Mar-23 14:53:09

I have recently come back from a lovely 3 week holiday, by myself as I have no one to travel with. My dear friend - who still works - stayed in my flat (for free) with my permission as she is having some issues with one of her flatmates. (Another depressing reality - a 56 year old woman with a good job having to share a house because of high rents.) Anyway, everything was fine until she told me that she felt like a drink one evening and noticed that I had a bottle of sherry which she finished, and then replaced. The problem - I bought that bottle in the States whilst visiting my children and was holding onto it for sentimental reasons. The replacement was for the alcohol, but not the brand/sentiment. I was quite upset but kept it to myself. The more I thought about it the more upset I got, but finally just shared it with another friend, and said to keep it confidential. I realised that letting my friend know how upset I was, would only cause her to be very upset, and nothing would be gained. Do you all think this is the best recourse?

Germanshepherdsmum Fri 31-Mar-23 14:56:20

Yes. Don’t upset your friend. She wasn’t to know. If you didn’t want her to drink it you should have said something or hidden it.

Smileless2012 Fri 31-Mar-23 14:59:54

Yes I do schnackie. She would have seen a bottle of sherry which she could and did replace, not something that had sentimental value, and no doubt as a dear friend would be mortified if she knew.

AGAA4 Fri 31-Mar-23 15:05:52

Don't let this spoil memories of your lovely holiday or your relationship with your friend. I don't think many people would realise a bottle of sherry held sentimental values.
Sad for you but best to let it go.

62Granny Fri 31-Mar-23 15:06:23

Would the empty bottle still be in the recycle bin? If so you could take it out and keep it , surely it doesn't matter if it was empty as you said it was more about the bottle rather than the alcohol .

Blondiescot Fri 31-Mar-23 15:24:03

I'd keep quiet too. She wasn't to know it was anything order than just an ordinary bottle of sherry. I appreciate that it's sad that something which meant something to you is now gone, but is it worth affecting your friendship over it?

LRavenscroft Fri 31-Mar-23 17:39:54

Seems a shame to mention it as she sounds a nice lady who meant well. Is there any other way you could get hold of a new bottle of sherry like this from the US? Friend travelling there? Checking out with importers in UK? Even finding it an excuse to go there again yourself? A friend of mine broke a porcelain Father Christmas from my late mother and she was mortified so, as she was so apologetic, I just gathered the pieces together and we glued him up with super glue. He now sits in my display cabinet and we laugh about it. I think when no malice is meant it's best to let it pass.

Hithere Fri 31-Mar-23 17:48:18

How does a drink end up replacing a bottle?

It is nice of her but something is off here

foxie48 Fri 31-Mar-23 17:50:24

Good friends are worth hanging onto and more valuable than any bottle of sherry, however sentimental you may feel about it.

NanaDana Fri 31-Mar-23 17:56:02

Your friend wasn't to know that the bottle of sherry had sentimental value for you, and as far as she's concerned, she's replaced like with like. On that basis I'd just move on and not make an issue of it. Frankly, I wouldn't have shared it with a friend either, but that's water under the bridge now. Hope she really does keep it confidential..

Blossoming Fri 31-Mar-23 17:57:58

Yes I think it’s best you don’t mention it. Your friend couldn’t have known it had sentimental significance for you.

schnackie Fri 31-Mar-23 18:15:35

Thanks, I think I just wanted confirmation. Actually my daughter called today and I did tell her about it and she reminded me that my home is full of 'sentimental' things and I need to let this go. grin

vegansrock Fri 31-Mar-23 18:25:13

I’m not sure how sentimental you could get about a bottle of sherry. Or am I missing something?

Theexwife Fri 31-Mar-23 18:35:12

This is the reason I try very hard not to become sentimental over things, they can get lost, stolen or broken causing distress.

You can have memories without the need for things as a reminder.

Farzanah Fri 31-Mar-23 18:35:34

Your daughter is right. You obviously have a lot of sentimental investment in “things”, which is not in any way a criticism, as many people do. No one can take away the lovely memories you have of the time with your children, and they are the most enduring things, as are relationships with friends.

You sound such a nice person to let your friend stay in your flat, and as she didn’t know the meaning of the sherry to you, it’s not worth spoiling the relationship.

welbeck Fri 31-Mar-23 18:40:52

Hithere, having a drink, in uk parlance often means getting drunk, rather than literally consuming one measure of alcohol.

Hithere Fri 31-Mar-23 18:43:24

Thanks welbeck! Makes total sense

VioletSky Fri 31-Mar-23 18:49:42

It was already open?

If it was open she couldn't have known it was special.

I am sure you can replace the actual brand and still have whatever memory is attached

VioletSky Fri 31-Mar-23 18:52:37

BTW, people charge for house sitting

So your home and its contents had a guardian while you were gone

Friend still paid rent for her own home during this time

Smileless2012 Fri 31-Mar-23 20:07:34

Hithere my interpretation of the OP is that the friend stayed for 3 weeks. Consuming a bottle of sherry over a 3 week period, could have entailed just one glass each evening.

Serendipity22 Fri 31-Mar-23 21:53:05

I think you have done the right thing in keeping quiet. I have a bottle of Ice Wine that I bought in Canada about 7 years ago and its precisely the same sentiment as yours but if it was drunk accidentally ( meaning the person drinking it was unaware of its sentimentality) i would do precisely the same, not inflict my upset onto whoever drank it.

Yes i fully understand your upset BUT your memories of your special time will always be with you.. thanks