Alcohol problems- son

You can be supportive but it’s down to him to do something about his drinking. If it doesn’t come from him nothing will work.

I have just checked and see that most, if not all, County Council Websites publish information about alcohol/drug dependency and sources of support. The advice I've looked at suggests that your husband's consumption may be over the limit at roughly 4 bottles a month: www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health-wellbeing/healthy-eating/alcohol-advice/ I hope this helps. You have already taken the first step by raising your concerns with your son.

Thats about 45 units a week approx, which is well above the recommended but I just looked this up by asking how many units is an alcoholic:

"It is generally accepted that a man who consumes 100 units or more per week is alcohol dependent; a woman who drinks more than 70 per week is also dependent. However, you can be an alcohol abuser without being classified as alcohol dependent. You need only exceed the generally recommended guidelines for safe drinking."

so he hasn't reached that.

It's generally unlikely that people seek help unless they really they want to but only you know your son and if you can persuade or push for something..

You could find out what help is local to him and get leaflets so it he does decide, the info is there?

It’s the OPs son who may have a problem not her husband.
Being an alcoholic has little to do with how much you drink speaking from experience we are quite a different breed than you average heavy drinker.
Help is always available if he really wants it.

It is impossible to stop an alcoholic from drinking unless they want to. You didn't cause it and you can't cure it. Do not enable his drinking and don't minimise it. Never give him money and stop clearing up the evidence/debris. I'm sorry you are facing this. My brother is an alcoholic and lives with my mum. Both are in denial about how bad things are

Agree with what’s been said upthread. Other than supporting him, there’s not a lot you can do, unless he wants to help himself, although you could be ‘armed’ with some information if he does ask. seadragon - The OP’s DH is well within the limits - a bottle a week is only 10-12 units - but she’s comparing it to her DS’s intake which is excessive.

Crossed post Rosie.

I agree with not clearing the debris, because that might "bring it home" to DS more effectively. By clearing it, it becomes "out of sight, out of mind"

And as a couple of us have suggested, knowing the local information/help.

You could chat to your son about the need to cut down and suggest he drinks no more than two glasses of wine a day. Small steps. Also check he is not driving while over the limit. If he wished to he could ask his GP for help or contact the local drug and alcohol team. He shouldn't abruptly stop drimking. Good luck

I suspect he needs Alcoholics Anonymous but only when he accepts it and is ready

Who had at least 50 bottles and some beer? Son or dh?

Any addict has to see he/she has a problem and seek help
What you can do is attend an addiction program so you educate yourself in tbe disease and know how not to hinder any progress adict makes

May I ask why you clean other adult's place regularly (2x in 5 weeks)?

Sorry- obviously didn’t write the post clearly enough! It’s my son who had accumulated 50 bottles in 5 weeks- I think my husband has about that many in a year ( which is definitely not a problem!)
I haven’t cleaned another adults home twice in 5 weeks…. my son works long hours and asked for my help on ONE occasion and in our family we help each other when possible so I had worked with him and my husband to clean his place once. 5 weeks ago.
There are some useful bits of advice here- I will gather as much information as possible and suggest ways to cut down. Thank you all…

I feel that there's another aspect to this - why is your son drinking so much? You say he works long hours so maybe he doesn't get enough 'down time'. Perhaps he's lonely, stressed or depressed. Is there any way in which you could gently help him to deal with such things?

CBT61

Sorry- obviously didn’t write the post clearly enough! It’s my son who had accumulated 50 bottles in 5 weeks- I think my husband has about that many in a year ( which is definitely not a problem!)
I haven’t cleaned another adults home twice in 5 weeks…. my son works long hours and asked for my help on ONE occasion and in our family we help each other when possible so I had worked with him and my husband to clean his place once. 5 weeks ago.
There are some useful bits of advice here- I will gather as much information as possible and suggest ways to cut down. Thank you all…

Hope all goes well for you and your son I would just say that if your son is suffering from alcoholism cutting down will not be an option. The average heavy drinker when faced with his or her problem can cut down or moderate this is not true with the alcoholic that first drink sets off the craving and all bets are off.

seadragon

I have just checked and see that most, if not all, County Council Websites publish information about alcohol/drug dependency and sources of support. The advice I've looked at suggests that your husband's consumption may be over the limit at roughly 4 bottles a month: www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health-wellbeing/healthy-eating/alcohol-advice/ I hope this helps. You have already taken the first step by raising your concerns with your son.

This link seems to be allowing nearly 6 bottles a month.
Or am I reading it incorrectly..
I am assuming a bottle is 750ml.

6 medium (175ml) glasses of wine a week is 1050ml (over 1¼ bottles).
1050ml is 150ml a day.
Even in February (4 weeks) that's 5.6 bottles.

I am not saying anything here about CBT61's son who is clearly drinking too much.

Rosie - Have you experience of working with alcoholics? Of course alcoholics can cut down their alcohol consumption if they have the desire to address their problem. It is not easy but there is no magic way to stop an alcoholic from drinking except to decrease initially and when some control over alcohol is achieved then the possibility of a medicated detox supervised by medics/ specialist nurses becomes an option.

CBT61, sorry you’ve had some critical posts. I’ve just done r lots of washing for one of my daughters- I’m not ‘enabling’, I’m helping because that’s what families do.

Your son sounds to be using alcohol maybe to relax. It’s a legal drug that;s a significant problem in our society. Heavy drinking has become normalised to an extent. I hope you can open dialogue with your son and that he takes steps to deal with stress more productively.

Might he have had a party or other social gatherings ? That would soon bump up the amount of empties. If its down to solo drinking then agree with others, he needs your support and help to address it, but like with all addictions, the user needs to acknowledge that there's a problem. I wish you all a good outcome

mumofmadboys

Rosie - Have you experience of working with alcoholics? Of course alcoholics can cut down their alcohol consumption if they have the desire to address their problem. It is not easy but there is no magic way to stop an alcoholic from drinking except to decrease initially and when some control over alcohol is achieved then the possibility of a medicated detox supervised by medics/ specialist nurses becomes an option.

Yes plenty of experience I am an alcoholic but I haven’t drunk for nearly 20 years but I still spend my time in a well known fellowship helping others into recovery.
I have never done a medical detox as being a binge drinker I knew I could stop without any medical problems but it was staying stopped that was the problem.
The alcoholic cannot cut down their consumption and take just a few drinks that is the prerogative of someone who just drinks too much for their own goodb

Bear in mind that no-one can help a person quit dependancy on drink or drugs unless and until the dependent person genuinely wants to stop.

And even then it is a long and rocky road.

Find out what help is on offer near you - often an alcoholic will find it easier to accept advice and help from a professional than from family. You can offer your son your support, but don't be surprised or hurt if he doesn't want it.

rosie1959

mumofmadboys

Rosie - Have you experience of working with alcoholics? Of course alcoholics can cut down their alcohol consumption if they have the desire to address their problem. It is not easy but there is no magic way to stop an alcoholic from drinking except to decrease initially and when some control over alcohol is achieved then the possibility of a medicated detox supervised by medics/ specialist nurses becomes an option.

Yes plenty of experience I am an alcoholic but I haven’t drunk for nearly 20 years but I still spend my time in a well known fellowship helping others into recovery.
I have never done a medical detox as being a binge drinker I knew I could stop without any medical problems but it was staying stopped that was the problem.
The alcoholic cannot cut down their consumption and take just a few drinks that is the prerogative of someone who just drinks too much for their own goodb

Well done Rosie! It must be so hard for you. I have never liked alcohol but as a teenager and into my 20s people would always try and get me to drink and some were very persistent.

Even now if I go to a social event I get “oh go on, a small one won’t hurt.” Some people don’t understand that others don’t like or want alcohol.

I cannot see my post yesterday

Thanks OP for the clarification!

Your son has to reach rock bottom, what you can do is educate yourself about the disease so enablement doesnt happen

I am an alcoholic in recovery,20 years sober last week.An Alcoholic can NOT moderate their drinking,they cannot cut down,if they could there wouldn’t be any alcoholics.The only treatment is complete abstinence.

The first drink does the damage for an alcoholic,it sets off a craving and obsession.

Lots of people are heavy drinkers and they can cut down,I imagine the OP’s son is one of these.

It is not the amount of alcohol that makes people alcoholic,this is a myth.

Anyone with a friend or family who has a problem with alcohol can call Al-Anon,the sister programme to AA.