We all write a story........

A huge sack lying by the gate just inside her garden. Lilian crossed her bedroom and took down her dressing gown which hung on the back of the door. She put it on, switched on the landing light and walked down the stairs. She opened the cupboard under the stairs and took out the flashlight that hung on a nail just inside. She quietly and cautiously opened her front door and...

heaved a sigh of relief. It was no sack it was her husband back from a session at the Argy Bargy cafe. She gave a resigned shrug and...

went back to the house and fetched the dog's blanket from the conservatory. (The dog wouldn't miss it, he was sprawled in deep doggy sleep on the sofa in the lounge). Returning to the garden, she tossed the blanket over her snoring spouse and turned away. As she did so, he grunted, coughed, then sat up and said ...

"Now then, Lilian, there is something I've been meaning to tell you."
Lilians lips quivered.
"What is it?" she asked, her eyes now wide, as tendrils of her grey hair fluttered in the wind.
"Lilian, I'm...."

Lilian, I'm so pleased to be home. I love you so much, Give us a kiss?
His lips were wet and sloppy. Lillian shuddered. "Darling, " she said "There's....

ketchup on your chin or at least I think it is. Its not blood is it? Suddenly he reared up and snarled at her...

His snarling lips curled back to reveal strangely pointed teeth. "Good gracious!" cried Lilian, clutching her pearls. "I do believe you've become a... a..."

vegetarian! Whatever will we have for Christmas lunch?! She turned round, slammed the door in his startled face and rushed through to the kitchen. With a sob she looked around until, suddenly, she spotted...

A tiny purple creature, with wings, which was sitting at the edge of the sink, dabbling its toes in the water.
Lilian blinked. "Hello there." she said, suspiciously. "And who might you be?"

I'm an envoy from the land of purple said the creature, I have a message for you from King Aubergine, he wants you to.........

...paint The whole of your house in varying shades of purple, pace and magenta. If you do not obey this command, there will be dire consequences for you". Lillian was alarmed. She hated purple, pace and magenta, especially in the downstairs loo. "What are the consequences that i will face if I disobey?" she asked, tremously.

We will force feed that husband of yours the entire contents of that massive tin if beans. Then you'll find out the consequences of your refusal. You will be begging to repaint after that. Ha ha ha. ....argh... its the...

Lilian hardly needed reminding of the last time Albert (for that was her beloved's name) had eaten a huge tin of beans.
She clung onto her grey marbled work surface as tears formed in her eyes, and she felt the familiar clench in her stomach. She must do something! She simply must! But what? What could she do?

Turning quickly she almost flew up the stairs. As she opened the door to the cupboard and swiftly removed the container, she could hear voices. Someone was with Albert.

She stopped, standing perfectly still as she listened intently. Two voices could be heard. She leaned forward, hugging the unopened container like a shield in front of her, her knuckles white..

From downstairs came the faint sound of singing. She leaned forward straining to hear. She could just make out the words 'you put your left hand in, your left hand out, your left hand in and you shake it all about'. She wondered what they were doing. Then it came to her, they were doing the hokey cokey. But who was the other person? Who did the hokey cokey at midnight? It could only be one person. She shuddered. It must be...

Maud and Michael from next door. “Hi” they called cheerily. We heard Albert singing and thought he was having a street party, so we thought we would join in” . Then they stopped and stared at her open mouthed, Maud cried out in terror. “Lilian, why are you carrying...

That large tin of beans, please don't say they are for Albert". They both turned pale remembering the last time when the walls...........

The container?" Lilian, ignoring the question, began to descend the stairs.
Holding the container out in front of her, she began to sing, in a shrill, wavery voice...

Oh! Ignore me. Christine was first.

had to be completely redecorated following Albert's last
baked bean experience and the resulting explosion which made redecoration so very necessary.
"Oh, please don't .........

Worry my dear Heart
Those bakes means are just a start
Veggies and hummus baked in a tart
Are just the things to.......

"Help your heart?" Interjected Maud, looking worried, whilst Michael backed slowly away towards the door. All thoughts of the hokey cokey now gone.
Michael, it seemed lived up to his reputation as a...

....serial philanderer. This wasn't the first time that Lillian had caught him in an "awkward position". Why, only last month she been checking his sock drawer searching for evidence and found......