A very unruly grandson

Not altogether fair on you Miyamo, it was not you who misbehaved. Act like a two year old, get treated like one.

No but daughter needs the break away having a tough time recently so agreed to have him. Need some help in what else we could do to help him before he gets truly unsavable. He is a loving and caring boy most of the time its almost like a devil in him takes over we are just scared that he will eitehr cause himself some harm or end up in prison because of his behaviour. Sorry to rant just need soem help here

completely take ALL additives out of his diet - including cereals, crips and drinks (water or milk allowed only). BAN the television and computer games. Start immediately and you may well be seeing results by Monday.

This is a very difficult age Miyamo.

Does your Grandson have any hobbies?

My friend was in a similar situation some years ago. She enrolled her son in a martial arts class, and it really helped with his aggressive behaviour.

So sorry to hear about your GS, if he is out of school is he being offered any professional help?

Do you think he is worried about anything? sometimes children speak to us in a language we do not understand, his behaviour may be a way of saying he is not happy or at the very least bringing attention to himself.

Is his Dad around? if not do you think this is a problem for him. Good Luck with the weekend, he is lucky to have you to care for him.

thank you for your comments. Will see what we can do. Dad is not on the scene, although I do think he was the problem - out of his life for 12 years back for 6 months and now again doesnt want to know. He has had professional help both in school and externally, not interested in clubs - have tried all this and he only does it for a week or so then is bored. Will see how weekend goes, hopefully he will behave!

Miyamo - my heart goes out to you. You sound like such a good and caring grandmother and, maybe, your grandson will benefit from time spent with you. I'm certainly not an expert and would not wish to pretend to know the answer to this complex and ongoing problem. I was at times dreadfully unhappy and lonely as a teenager. At that time, without realising it, I tried to draw attention to myself in ways that I am not proud to admit. I can almost sense your grandson's pain...and understand how it must be hurting the entire family. I guess that he longs for Dad to be around - and yet, he'll also probably feel a whole lot of resentment towards him too. How very sad. If I were in your situation, I would feel distressed but I may also wish to remain patient and tell my grandson that I LOVE him [unconditionally]...and am here to listen to whatever he needs to tell me, whenever he wishes to do so.

well said supernana.

I agree with Heather about food.Ban anything with artificial colours and flavours, in fact everything that is not natural. Meat, fish, cheese, eggs and vegetables are great. It would help to ban anything with grain, including bread, but that might be too difficult.

It is a long time since we had a 13 year old boy , but I know from experience that 13 is young enough to be turned round. Sometimes they are better with grandparents than with parents, so I do hope that will be your experience.

My lad wanted to join the RAAF cadets at that age, and as we are quite near to Amberley Air Base, we let him join. This channelled so much of his energy, and the whole military structure appealed to him. He loved it, especially weekend exercises in the bush, camping out. Later he joined the Australian Army reserve, when he was at university, and he is now a captain, and has just come back from 8 months in East Timor.

But - he was quite a naughty 13 year old once!!!

Good luck!

Thank you all. GS has been better this last week but we do have cycles. We know he can be a good soul when he wants which is one of the most frustrating things about him. Mum has just got a new job and he is being much better now knowing that bad behaviour could jepodise her job and all the good things that go with it. We love James unconditionally and he knows this, he is a caring loving child but finds it difficult at times to communicate his feelings. Like everyone I know what it was like being 13 and having 2 daughters that were once 13 but boys do appear to be more challenging. Thank you all again for your advice, most of which we have tried and tested at least a couple of times but will persivere - would never give up on him.

Miyamo - hang on in there! The son of a close friend was utterly obnoxious (in various ways and for different reasons) from 5 until 15. He is now a sociable, hard-working young man who is his mother's pride and joy. He is 18, has done well in school for the last 3 years and has secured his college place for September.

Tough on you Miyamo. My older son was pretty difficult in his teens as a consequence of horrid divorce and useless father figure. Looking back, I should have been more affectionate. Difficult with boys that age. But he is still a little boy despite the raging hormones.

He needs some grown up men in his life I expect. Joining something like army cadets or judo might be good but he needs a contract to stick with it for at least 3 months before he decides it is not for him. People rarely enjoy something in the early stages as it is difficult. Offer him a short list of options maybe?

Finding a good sanction such as taking away his MP3 player could help?

Also the school should be managing this. Repeated exclusion of a 13 year old is not a good idea and not good practice - they need a strategy to keep him in school.

Is there a Grandad around. Often teenage boys enjoy spending time with Grandad.

Miyamo the advice of Heather regarding food additives and violent computer games and also Supernana's advice on affection is I believe what you need to start with. I also suggest reading "Raising Boys" by Steve Biddulph http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Biddulph. This book is amazing, you will find it invaluable. I can't recommend it enough.

What does he do at school which gets him excluded?What are his interests?

IIs there a dad in the picture?