I hate Christmas

My heart goes out to you as it is these times of the year which are even harder to bear.In your place I would definitely plan for a "non-Christmas." Can you go away? You could also try Googling short break /weekends +NOT Christmas and see what comes up. You will not be alone. Several people we know who have suffered bereavements or personal trauma at this time have gone to the sun- Madeira or maybe you could go farther afield? Nothing will stop you thinking about him but I do sympathise at the insensitivity of others to whom it never occurs that you have nothing to celebrate.
A last thought - what about volunteering? A young man we know who lost his mother a couple of years ago always works at Crisis at Christmas on Christmas Day and Boxing day. Good luck.

Christmas these days is built up to such a social frenzy. I love seeing my grandchildren opening their presents, but that is all I enjoy. To those of us who spend most of our lives alone, the sense of 'aloneness' seems to be hightened. I am a shy person who dislikes socializing, so am always pleased when all the fuss is over.
Bah humbug !

I don't hate christmas but I do think far too much fuss is made about it. Some people's businesses seem to depend on christmas to survive. How wacky is that? We just exchange a few presents (nothing OTT, in fact Hub and I usually just buy something we want for ourselves (he for himself, me for myself) as a way of marking the winter solstice and looking forward to lengthening days and another year's cycle of life. I provide a nice meal and some presents for my three daughters (only one of them is his) and my grandson. We enjoy the company of the two elder ones and GS if they manage a visit around christmas/new year without all the overeating, overdrinking and overexcitement that some people seem to go in for and then regret.

So mainly it is just a quietly social time of rest.

I know some people don't enjoy Christmas and sometimes its associated with sad times or circumstances and I am sorry for that and hope its not a permanant state.

I would just put in a word for people who do. My mother loathed Christmas and told us so ad nauseum all through the Autumn and on Christmas day itself. She accepted all the presents we bought her as we tried to make it a cheerful occasion for her and bought nothing for us. She insisted we be at her house Christmas Day when my sister and I cooked and cleaned for her and spent it in a welter of tears about people long dead and idyllic Christmases of her youth when 'we had nothing but we made our own entertainment'. Drinking was discourgaed and not purchased unless you drank what she did - a weak shandy. Games were thought too sily for adults. On Boxing Day she heaved a sigh of relief as if she had made a great effort to entertain and feed us and said 'thank God that's over for another year and proceeded to rid the house of all Christmas- ness.

I'm sure you are not like that though Maniac and I hope you can find somewher comfortable to spend that time - a number of hotels etc do a non christmas Christmas if you see what I mean.

I love it , cant wait to give and have presents and eat and drink to excess and I'm glad to say all my family love it too.

I don't like Christmas, but like most people I cover this up this negativity and just pretend. Well, we all know how to fake stuff, don't we?

It IS nice to have the family around, and have a good meal together - it is all the preparations and presents and finances etc that bother me. Sometimes I just want to hibernate on Christmas Eve and wake up on January 2nd, especially this year as there has been a family fall out between my son and us, his parents.

Why did you put up with your mother's miserable nonsense, susie?

shysal this year there will be no sense of aloneness as you have your pal's from GN to chat to during the day (and night)
Joan such a shame you have had a falling out how I hate to hear this between parent's and their DCs,I feel I must be very different to a lot of people as I had one fall out once with my DS and he went into sulk for a week and did not speak,I told him to get his act together and get to my house to sort it out,which he did and I told him I was not putting up with him being in a strop and he should respect that other people had opions,he got over his blip and all fine.Best wishes

I do relate to your comment, Joan. The thread about how much we spend on GCs' presents really bothered me as I try very hard to buy things they really want and/or like without stretching the purse strings too far. So what if I don't spend exactly the same on each one? I don't think they're into researching prices on Amazon - yet! When that time comes, I will reluctantly resort to cash presents.
The idea that you have to eat and drink to excess to have a good time and spend weeks (and a fortune!) preparing for the feast strikes me as crazy too. Most of us eat pretty well every day anyway. I like a family gathering, but the anticipation and excitement frequently make for fractious children and harassed adults.
No, I am not Granny Scrooge. I like to find presents that are 'just right' for each child; I enjoy a well-cooked meal - but not prepared and eaten under pressure.

Sounds like a good plan, Glammanana. This is the first and only such fall out ever, and it has gone on three months - well, three months of silence. Experience tells me that whatever I say or do it will be misconstrued by son, or husband will bugger it all up.

Too many bulls in my paddock, I think.

Oh well, back to hibernation.

I wish.

Annobel - you hit a chord there - it is doing things under pressure that is awful. But as I tend to be in denial till the last minute - up goes the pressure. Own fault entirely.

Christmas, for me, lacks a vital ingredient: the gathering together of the family. Our home is far too wee and the miles separating individuals, far too great. Fortunately, we are "close knit" in spirit. I do get a lump in my throat whenever an advert on television depicts a large and noisy family gathering, complete with tree and all the fripperies. At the same time, I also get a larger lump in my throat when I consider the homeless, the lonely and utterly friendless. At the beginning of November, we are blitzed with images of what the retailers and image-makers consider to be necessary luxuries for each and everyone to have a super-duper time - irrespective of cost. As a child in the 40's, Christmas Eve was exciting...to bed early and lots of activity from parents and grandparents downstairs. Early to rise, creeping down stairs to dicover a real tree, under which were colouring and story books, jigsaw puzzles and perhaps a small, pretty doll or humming top, and, year in year out, my Mother's hand-knitted jumper and "tammy" for the wearing of. Boxing Day was spent walking through the woods, wearing the knitted garments. The special treat - a big jug of Tizer and some chocs in the afternoon. The next day, father returned to work. The home was tidied. Christmas was over. Short but sooooo sweet.

I find I dislike the over-commercialisation and media-hype of Christmas, the older I get. It took me a while to understand that my expectations and hopes for Christmas were never going to be realised, and until I did away with that then I was always going to be on a hiding to nothing.

So...my hopes for a gentle time have been honed over the years, until I found what suited me and my family. None of us have swathes of cash, but neither are any of us in need of anything, so one carefully thought-out present each, easy but beautifully cooked food (not necessarily the traditional sort), a lovely walk wherever we are, cuttings from the countryside, with candles, music and (not too much) wine.

Sometimes it is just us, sometimes with others, but I stick to how we wish to be; a gentle and peaceful acknowledgement of how fortunate we are.

Butternut We think alike.

Bagitha I often ask myself that and I think it was for my Dads sake - he wanted us all to keep the peace and he adored my mother. I guess its not only women that are attached to an abusive partner.

For your dad's sake is a good reason. Pity you had to though. xx

susiecb - I am pleased you love it now, particularly as you are no longer dancing to someone else's tune.

I always dread Christmas as everything bad that's happened, has always been around Christmas. But somehow, as it gets nearer I get sucked in at least a little bit, and my dd and ds are so lovely, that I usually enjoy it all!.
Last year my Dad was a bit doolally on the day and it was the beginning of his deterioration, and this year I don't know if he'll be at home(needing care), or in a home, but wherever, I will be visiting him. (May be his last)
I really don't mind a nice quiet day at home on my own though.

Joan - I so feel like you. I don't like Christmas,

I used like the time off work when I worked in an office but now in retail and only get Christmas day off! Would like to go back to when shops closed for Christmas Day and Boxing day. Can remember one year when that amounted to 4 days and we managed.

Cannot afford to buy anything decent for people, and with the immediate family growing all the time have agreed with nephews, nieces (who have families of their own) that we will no longer buy for each other. Grandchildren seem to expect presents which is fine, but they are now working and it would be quite nice to get something in return.

Once the sad day comes that we do not have to do Christmas for Mum will "cancel" (other than the chocolates which we love and limit to Christmas) !

Same here nanachrissy. almost everything bad has happened in my family around Christmas and New Year. Three weeks in hospital over Christmas at the age of six left me with a fear of being away from my family at Christmas that is still with me 65 years later.

I don't like Xmas at all. I have no memories of happy Christmases. My father was always in the pub at lunchtime when the turkey was ready, there was a row when he came home, I remember waking up in a cold post war house to find presents, but nothing I ever wanted.

We had a lovely Xmas with our children until they approached the teenage years when all they wanted was cash, but they at least have good memories and seem to like the fuss and bother.
Nowadays I just wait until its all over and don't expect anything. We adults don't even give each other presents anymore as everyone can afford the things they want and the big things are not affordable anyway. I am definitely not going to start spending £100 on Xmas presents.

Joan I'm sorry to hear there is a rift with your son. Is it the one that is getting married? I can quite understand that Shysal feels lonely. I often feel more lonely in a crowd, worse than being alone.

As an adult I have always been a bit in two minds about Christmas. It was always a magical time when I was a child (and didn't involve lots of expensive presents) and I wanted my kids to experience that magic too, but because of the pressure of so much preparation, all falling on me, I was never sure that I had succeeded. Then a couple of years ago, out of the blue, DD2 remarked that she was trying to recreate her magical childhood Christmases for her girls. Suddenly it all seemed worthwhile!

Has anyone listened to "I really like Christmas" by Tim Minchin. It is on YouTube if you want listen. It always makes me shed a tear but it does get to the heart of what it is all about.

I do think though it must be very difficult for people who have family differences - everything seems more poignant when we are all exhorted to play happy families. One Christmas my first and at that time only grandson was in Sydney and there was an American Express Advert which said "Christmas with your first grandchild - priceless" I cried every time it came on.

Yes, WW, just listened to it! Thank you!x

Just listened to Tim Minchin. I like the lyrics.