Hi ladies,
And thank you so much, I feel better getting all that off my chest, and that I am not the only one who thinks its slightly unfair.
It’s a really long winded story with 12 years of he said that she said this, but the bottom line is:
We never saw them 2 years after my husband did try and man up and lay some ground rules, how ever never had the guts to say this was HIS decision and they assumed it was me who made him lay the ground rules down, and he found it easier to let them think it was me instead of him, and thus he has ended up with 2 woman who hate each other – and sadly he now thinks its too late to fix it.
After a long 2 years I decided this was ridiculous and practically had to force my husband to go see them again, I really had hoped that 2 years had been long enough for people to be angry and want to be part of our lives and their beautiful grandchildren. And I feel, that we would have started off on the right foot had my husband told her it was MY decision to try fix things – I just think he could help his mother like me by telling her things like I was the one that wanted to get back in contact and that its been me saying they are missing out – because to be honest – I have nothing to gain nor loose and I seem to be the only one trying to sort things out.
I tried the phone call to MIL to see if WE could sort things, DIL to MIL – she just swore at me and told me she didn’t want to speak to me anyway – hence I have now given up on encouraging my husband to call her and all the things us ladies always do anyway…….
Its just so frustrating to be blamed for a break up of a family when I am the one trying to fix it.
She told me I control him and have changed him. I personally believe she hates me so much because we don’t “run” our household like she does, we both work – I work because we have to put food on the table not because I would rather not be a housewife, she doesn’t like the fact that I don’t “look” after her son and cater to his every need. He has to much in with household chores just the same as I have to muck in with the financial responsibility and this seems to foreign for her to see sense in it.
The older generation in their family “rule the roost” and the woman are there to look after the man and I was never accepted because I was not prepared to take on what they called family tradition ie: the grandparents get to name the grandchildren – yes I am not joking – she thought it was her RIGHT to name my 1st born – and it carried on from there that they weren’t around for the 2nd born.
Sorry so long winded, but it really has been a long one and for 12 long years I have tried my best and I really do think now its up to her and my husband to sort if they would like a relationship – there are 3 of us in this relationship and it wont work with only 1 person aiming at fixing it.
But feel guilty that I have now made the decision to give up – would you agree that its not my responsibility?