Personal attacks

I agree Ceesnan. The discussions / debates only thrive if individuals can express their opinions without being afraid they will be taken as personal attacks. It is harder on a forum to be ironic / joke etc because tone of voice is not there but use of emoticons often helps. If I express an opinion and see all responses do not agree with me I have to accept that, in that forum, I am in the minority. Hopefully I am open enough to think about my opinion..I might modify it in light of what others have said or I might stick by my original opinion! Isn't that why we enjoy the forums..boring if we all agree!

At a risk of repeating myself, a good rule is, as in soccer, "go for the ball not the player" .
I like a good disagreement myself. When we have reunions of our extended family there is lots of debate, with political views ranging from Tory to Trotsky.
I was also educated in a tradition where debate is seen as a good thing. My DH is more of a pure scientist (physics, maths etc) and did not experience this sort of thing in university. Also his family never debate and rarely disagree. So it does depend on your background how comfortable you are with people disagreeing.
I think it behoves us to be careful about how we express disagreement and likewise, to take a deep breath and ask ourselves "Am i being got at, or just disagreed with".
I had to pull myself up the other day when someone posted some views that I thought were somewhere out on the wilder fringes of reason.

The fair and frank exchange of points of view is ideal and usually happens on here, even when the discussions become somewhat heated, but I sometimes see an ambiguous dig being made (perhaps so it can be denied if challenged), and wonder whether it's done to express some frustration or to beef up the discussion. I also sometimes (rarely) read posts that are plainly meant to be hurtful and the person they are aimed at either misses it completely, or chooses to turn the other cheek.

There are some wise grans on here who don't rise to the bait - they have my respect

whenim64 During the course of the past 12 months I cannot recall seeing any posts that I considered were "plainly meant to be hurtful". All the recent suggestions and accusations of personal attacks are just that – recent. It's becoming very tedious.

whenim64 that's the kind of post that makes everyone think "is that aimed at me?"

Well, not everyone.

In fact, probably just me.

I know what you mean, jingl. The trouble is, one person's 'jokey/witty comment' can be seen by someone else as a 'sarcastic dig', and no number of emoticons can solve the difficulties of conveying exactly what one means on a forum read by so many.

I used to belong to a forum where it seemed a lot of the posters were deliberately unpleasant - name calling and bad language were not rare. This was a forum of, supposedly, adult people. I have to say since joining Gransnet I haven't seen any of that - we are obviously all very reasonable people willing to see another persons point of view.

I am not sure how posts can really be personal attacks when we don't know each other - we only know how that poster presents on this forum. Yes there seem to be misunderstandings. I try to be balanced but sometimes my inner bitch, sarcastic and flippant, will show herself and is shot down in flames but that is only a bit of me - and a bit I don't like much so it is deserved.

But as I have never been on a forum before this, I am maybe missing the point - in fact probably am.

Why the F was this thread ever started?

Totally unnecessary.

We should all be free to say what we think but try not to be personal. I can understand that sometimes people say things in haste which they may regret later. We should all forgive and forget, surely we have reached the age when we can be tolerant?

Jingle - aimed at you? Since when did you ever make an 'ambiguous dig' at anyone? You always says what you think even if you do cross it out!

I know if you want to tell me something, you will say it outright

I agree with absent, it is getting tedious. Some people seem a little moody and say things which I consider to be quite bad mannered, then I have to go and shout rude things do something else.

Hey , lets all be friends but then I know , we are !!! xxxx