LIstening ear needed

Yes bikergran thankyou. Sounds like he has accepted it and getting on with his life. Time for me to move on too eh

Thankswhenim64 yes seems like he has accepted and moved on. Relief.

Hello..*silverbirch8 thats good to hear your brother as at least responded (he has probably had time to mull things over) and maybe just carry on as normal for now and perhaps bring up the next trip at a later date hope all goes well..."families" ehh!

Sounds like you're getting good vibes there silverbirch. That's great news

Hello just to let all you lovely people that gave me support that I mailed my brother saying 'I was hoping for a response to my mail, was sorry I had disappointed him, and whilst he may not get my reasoning it would be good to know he respected my decision...... I got a response back saying not to panic he had just been very busy (no mention of my trip or mail etc). Still the lines of communication are open and for that I am grateful. So moving on! With thanks
to you all againx

Thanks Flickety B for your understanding response and am so glad for you that your spell with CFS only lasted 6 months. I agree it does slow down the mind and I am so sorry you had that horrid challenge when DH was in Egypt of trying to phone his provider regarding his moblie phone and it taking three days, and him not being able to contact you because you were not able to read your emails. It is very scary when ones energy goes can feel overwhelming. I find if I spend a lot of time doing something mentally, or am dealing with an emotional issue it effects my energy physically. So its best to pace myself.

Thankyou to you and Bags for suggesting my brother reads the thread. I somehow don't think this is a good ideax

Thankyou all you lovely caring people for taking the time to respond to me. It feels wonderful to be listened to and so encouraged and supported, very, very much appreciated. Thankyou this has given me the motivation to have another go and email my brother againxx

Thanks Margaret X what a lovely thing to sayx

Thanks silverbirch no wonder your brother is so fond of you!

THanks Petra for suggesting Skype. I will look into that a very good ideaxx

Thanks Gracemum for your empathy. Well done for making the decision not
to go to Scotland and to go in the Spring. Am glad you are feeling relieved. Its so important to listen to ourselves isnt it, only we know what we can manage
and the Spring with its longer lighter days is so much more enticing for you and me! xx

Thanks Bags you are so right it is very difficult for people to understand about
CFS or to explain the effects to others. Sometimes bewildering to oneself too!
He has found it difficult to accept it and has in the past believed if I just tried harder I could do anything...... so have found this judgement challenging but he has become a lot more accepting of me in the last year and my lovely visit there
in the Spring helped our relationship. I know he finds my vulnerability sometimes
difficult to accept xx

Hi Silverbirch.
Do you have Skype. If not, download it. It makes such a difference when you can speak to someone face to face (so to speak) instead of things being misconstrued in an email.

Thanks Annodomini. Am sorry to hear you have been in two minds about travelling too. I think travelling when one isnt very fit can be very tiring.
I can appreciate what a wrench it would be returning after staying with a lovely
sister who understands youxx

Thanks Mishap for this. I agree that CFS is difficult for others to understand
so compounds what can be a challenge. It is lovely that he wants to see me and I know my energy will be a lot better in the Spring. I know I have made the right decision xx

Thanks Margaret X for this and for your understanding about the resettling again after the warmth of another's hospitality especially if the ties go back a long way.Am sorry you find this hard too. I do agree that the Spring would be a much better time to go and did indicate this in my mail. Thanks for understanding about how low energy can effect one too. I feel encouraged
and will email him againxx

The main thing is not to beat yourself up about it. You must do what is right for you and trust that he will understand that he cannot "jolly" or even (kindly) "bully" you into doing something which makes you unhappy or causes extra stress. I feel a similar guilt about not driving to Scotland to visit elderly uncle and aunt for a few days in early November. My arthritic wrist/hand has been playing up and I find driving in the dark or heavy rain extremely hard as my hands tend to seize up and as DH no longer drives, I would have to "keep calm and carry on" so the thought of it was making me unhappy. It was such a relief to say so and agree that we will go up in the Spring, when in any case, the weather will be better and the days lighter and longer.

Thankyou Jess M. Sorry your relatives fall into this category too living away. You are so right that only we ourselves know what is right for us, and shoulds and oughts only put on pressure. I will e mail him again xx

Thankyou Barrow for your understanding. I will try and go in the Spring
and in the meantime take care of myself. take care tooxx

He can read the thread without logging in.

I think what many people do not realise is how CFS slows down the mind. I have had something with the same symptoms, but it only lasted six months and it was the mental paralysis that I found most taxing.

DH was working in Egypt for a couple of months and he was used to ringing me from abroad with any problems with credit cards, or mobile phones and I would get everything sorted out in a day. He was having problems with his mobile phone and it took me three days to ring his provider to sort it out. He was going frantic because he couldnt use his phone and realised that there must be something wrong with me but couldnt contact me as I hadnt got the mental energy to even check my emails.

Perhaps your brother could be persuaded to log into Gransnet and read this thread!

I mean

I know exactly how you feel, silverbirch. It is very hard for people to imagine what chronic fatigue or related syndromes are like, and it is very hard to explain the effects too. Try to tell your brother it is the illness that is the problem, not you. He perhaps doesn't realise how it affects you. Good luck [flower]

I do know how you feel, silverbirch. I had thought about going to stay with my sister in NZ this winter, but I am finding travelling increasingly tiring. Having polymyalgia doesn't help, but I also find myself feeling very low when I have to leave my sister who, of all the family, understands me best. I also think that Christchurch in its earthquake-stricken state would depress me, though I know that sounds selfish when my sister and her family have to put up with it.

I think that CFS is very hard for people to understand - those who have no experience of it either personally or professionally, so it is likely that this would account for some of his reaction.

It is lovely that he wants to see you and welcoome you there and I am sure that it will happen in the spring.

It is hard to go from having daily compaqny to being on your own again - it is not necessarily to do with the distance.

Send him some chatty emails - keep the link going. Tell him how much you would have loved to come and how much you are looking forward to a visit in the new year.

CFS is a total pain that is compunded by others' inability to understand what it entails - a double burden.

Only you know what is best for you at this time and the winter is a hard time for those who live alone and are not totally fit - it feels like a hurdle to jump.

Good luck with it all.