husband blaming me for this-help!

Bermeir, you posted about someone visiting and wanting telephone confirmation earlier in the week, so I'm not sure why you didn't just phone your mum-in-law yourself, or remind your DH to do it.

Some men just have difficulty in admitting they are wrong. Some women too but I think it is more a male trait. I will now duck

From what you've said it sounds as though you read the letter but husband didn't as you say he was 'aware' of the letter. If he actually didn't read it does that mean you told him he had to ring and then he didn't bother? If thats the case then its his own fault as you say, but if you read the letter and then didn't point this out then I guess he has a point.

I may of understood you wrongly of course..

No YRNBU, she is his Mum after all!! He had read the letter, so was aware she wanted a call to confirm. If he couldn't be bothered, and didn't ask you to do it then tough! If you are feeling saintly I suppose you could ring her yourself and arrange another visit, while making it quite clear who the fault lies with for the current unfortunate episode. On the other hand make him do it!

He couldn't find it initially. I found it and told him so. He could have read it and chose not to. I asked him if he'd rung her on thursday. 'No not yet' he said. I said that he'd better do it.

Mind you, who the blazes sends a letter for this sort of thing, anyway?! We have a landline AND husband has mobile phone and e-mail!

She knows he has a mobile phone and e-mail as she has e-mailed him previously.

Men do sometimes see us wives as wife/secretary I used to get it with my husband...but I'm with you on this one, its his Mum not yours so why would it be your job to ring her and confirm...

Thanks for moral support, folks. I'm not going to be blamed; I'm sorry for the mix-up but, while I'm fine with nudging my husband, I'm not going to ring his mother for him.

Its his mother and his letter.
Why could she not ring?
If she made a "screaming argument about it" and is known to do thay sort of thing perhaps her son was trying to avoid a visit!

I do know how you feel. My DH will take no responsibility for anything and alway blames everybody and everything but himself. It drives me crazy.

similar frustrating situation in our house but involves football not MiLs! DH is a devoted football fan & season ticket holder. I have asked him to put all matches onto the calendar so that other social events etc can be arranged accordingly. Not his fault but matches are often switched after first programme of dates are set to accommodate TV companies times but he never updates the calendar and then gets annoyed if I inadvertently double booked!

Ahh! just had an idea for a new thread!

My ex could break a plate in an empty room and I'd get the blame. I hope I trained our sons better!

He may be putting the blame on you because he got the wrath of his mother and it made him feel guilty,he would not admit to his mum he had forgotten to ring would he ? when do men confess it's their fault ?

What is it with men and social engagements. My OH is the most sociable friendly person you could wish to meet. But if it was left to him to catch up with friends and family I do believe we would never see a soul.
Well I would, because I make sure that I keep in touch with all my friends.

petra so true! my DH is not the best at initiating social get-togethers unless specifically told it is his turn to do so!

Also the uncertainty about when his is/is not at footie matches sometimes means I realise that we have a clear weekend when we could have done something but it is too late to arrange things!

My MIL always used to arrange visits with me so there was never any confusion. I would have rung her anyway Bermeir. Nothing like being in control.

I would ring your MIL and reiterate you are sorry there was some confusion over her visit.

I would be firm though and remind her that it could have easily been the case that her letter could have got lost in the post and that too would have caused the same situation. Therefore it will be better to lay down a ground rule that if she has not had a phone call from you, ring and check all o.k. If you instill in her that she is always welcome and you look forward to her visits if that doesn't work, well, not your problem you will have tried your best. Good luck.

As a 21st Century MiL, I don't communicate by post - I didn't think anyone did nowadays. Both my sons keep in touch by phone, email and text and so do I. Why is it that in an age of mass communication, so many families are so bad at keeping in touch with each other?
Why doesn't your husband phone his mum regularly? She's his mother and it isn't your fault if he can't be bothered to answer her letter.

Honour thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long in the land that the Lord thy God hath given thee. I am not a religious person nowadays but I know the ten commandments and make them my code. His mother = his duty. My son once forgot my birthday and said it was his wife's fault for not reminding him !!!!!!!!
Speaking of men and their refusal to engage with domestic trivia - my DH stubbornly refuses to write on the chalkboard in the kitchen when he sees that an essential item will soon need to be replenished. He then feigns surprise when there are o tea bags/honey/coffee etc. and implies that I am inefficient. Grr!!

should read 'no teabags/honey...'

Annodomini I agree entirely about the lack of communication these days. But I would dearly love to be phoned bt my dil,s for a change. My ds,s are very busy with stressful work but they do keep in touch fairly regularly. It would be a shame to fall out over this as no one knows what is round the corner.