Thanks peeps, I thought 'keeping schtum' would be the best thing, but it's very hard.
Unfortunately this is neither a new nor, to me, excusable situation. There are often upset tummies there, as well as UTIs (GD). Neither of them work, preferring to label their children with hard to disprove disabilities (ADHD, Autism, Behaviour issues etc), and milking the state for all they are worth.
Admittedly GS1 has a speech and language problem (he attends the school I work at), but, having experience with SEN children, I cannot see any signs of anything other than lack of discipline in the other 2. But DiL has learned all the lingo, and is very good at talking over people until they agree with her!
DS does what housework is tackled, as well as the washing, shopping and care of children when they are ill. DiL is far more interested in how her childrens 'disabilities' affect her life, and how amazing she is at coping with them (NOT). GC are un-disciplined mostly, but when they are told off it is with a screech and no consequence, so they do it again anyway.
But they spend most of their time spending what they get. DS always has the latest console game on the day of release, DiL is constantly attached to her iphone, ipad or kindle.
A prime example of how things are, was last night.
The GC were still in PJs, not having left the house all day and were running riot when I arrived. They were given a dinner of frozen chicken pie and chips (cooked obviously) and a cup of milk (because it was the easiest thing, even though GS1 asked for water).
After their meal I got them dressed, and we went for a long walk/run round their estate to get rid of some of the energy. When we got back (having had great fun exploring) they were appalled that I suggested a bath, but did all get in eventually, and enjoyed it.
At bedtime, I was informed that they have music on to help them sleep. This entailed music files set up on an xbox in their rooms (Yes, the boys both have them, they are 8 and 6) and a PSP in GDs room (she is 4). All this music came with weird psychadelic pictures on large TVs, and they all had bright lamps that apparently had to be on too!
No sleep happened until I put my foot down at 10pm and turned everything off...all asleep in 10 mins!
Frankly I couldn't give a hoot how DS and DiL choose to live, but it hurts me greatly to see my 3 innocent GC being caught up in their lifestyle (and being used to fund it!)
They are my life, and so different when here with me, or when we are out somewhere, and I could cry when I see them living like that!