To Have Said No

No not unreasonable . Friend should buy a new one , it's his business.

Don't apologise! You're bound to feel guilty (it's what we do!), but it really is his own fault and I expect you're right, he was just expecting to take it without having to ask you first...

You were not unreasonable. His friend is in business, a new washer is part of his expenses. As you say, if you thought you would get it back immediately in the same condition as before, then maybe. If they are likely to either wreck it or keep it indefinitely - no way. You are not a free supply depot.

No way, Holly! We all need to put our foot down every now and again. Hopefully, he'll come back and apologise for taking you for granted.

I wouldn't have let him have it. I wouldn't feel guilty either.

You were not being unreasonable, if they needed a washer in a hurry there are plenty of hire companies around who they could get one from. This would be a legitimate business expense which he could put against his tax liability, besides if you had put the washer in the kitchen ready to use then you obviously needed it that day yourself.

Do not ring him or apologise. Everyone on here agrees you did nothing wrong (in fact he's probably overdue this lesson in life, you've been too kind up until now) and he needs to have a reality check.

Don't feel guilty and don't apologise! *Ana's right, it is what we do, but that doesn't make it right.

I would make sure that the shed is locked up too, as anyone could help themselves.
He should be feeling bad that he (and his mate) didn't fix your roof.

You are not being unreasonable!

Well done you for sticking to your principles! Friend has a business so frirnd csn buy a new one on the business. Whether you would have been as firm if it had been your DS's personal use though is entirely another matter!!

Holly Good for you I say. I suspect that your son will have a little more respect for you and your things hereafter.

Its a good job they didn't run out of slates on the roof they were doing, or he may of borrowed some of yours. Don't feel guilty, they should of fixed your roof.

Logically speaking, you certainly should not have to apologise.

However, I think I understand where you are coming from. I am just the same.

I think you should control the urge to apologise until it passes.

I agree with everybody else. It is just too easy to go and "borrow" indefinitely from mum, she will never say no. Wrong, you did exactly the right thing and guilt should not come in to it. If he cannot fix a couple of slates on your roof for free, I am afraid that he can whistle elsewhere for a pressure hose and anything else he fancies borrowing. The worm has turned, to coin a phrase.

Hollydaze if more mothers behaved like you there would be fewer spoilt brat children thinking the world owes them a living.

Hollydaze you did absolutely the correct thing. Have some flowers - The guy that owns the business should have one of the washers anyway.

Holly remember the old saying "A mother's place is in the wrong"? Well in this case it's not - you are just thinking that it is. We seem to be unanimous on here that you were right to say "No". He might sulk for a bit though. Don't fall soft and start saying you are sorry. Our DC are quite good at emotional blackmail! for you.

A bit harsh FlicketyB!

Lor, he is a grown man (am supposing hes over 21). You have stated your reasons, they are perfectly sound, end of discussion.

Though I'm a tad with FlicketyB on this - If parents teach their children from an early age, that some things are just not possible, they would all grow up happier. I'm not talking about a few sweets, or a trip to the park - I mean the big stuff - No you cannot have £20 for no reason, or a new phone or stay out till all hours when you are 15 etc.
Children have to learn that some things are off limits, its almost cruel not to let them learn this lesson. We all have to qualify for that job, earn that salary, pass that driving test etc. Yes, I know I sound like a bossy old so-and-so but I saw too many unhappy 4 & 5 year old at pre-school who had been allowed to throw, spit, hit and run around the room. Once they were calmly told what was acceptable, fully understood everyone abided by such rules, we would watch them relax, join in and develop in leaps and bounds.

I agree with the others including Flick

You did the right thing. It was not unreasonable. I never say no to my daughter, I just agree with her all the time (why do I do that?) and sometimes she treats me rather badly. It's a mistake.

Thank you all for your support and kind words. It's daft isn't it - you know you haven't really done anything drastically wrong yet you feel guilty! Sorry to have put this on you for advice but I don't have anyone else to ask and check that I'm not being unreasonable.

I feel better for seeing your words (and I hope the guilt subsides soon!).

For the record - my son is 33 (he also borrowed my car once (without my knowledge) - and seriously damaged it but never paid for it to be repaired so it ended up being written off (repairs would have cost more than the car!) and at that time, he had his own car body repair business!

Definitely time to expect him to be a grown-up then, and not ask Mummy to mend or replace his toys. Particularly when he can't mend or replace hers.

The American's have a term for it...'Tough Love' Yes, they do trot out some nonsense sometimes....but this one is true!

I don"t think they trot out any more nonsense than we do !