I need some advice please

Reading between the lines I think, deep down, you already know what you want to do Estralita . There are never easy answers to problems like this, but I hope that the very act of writing it all down has helped to clarify it in your mind

(((hugs)))

Thanks for the reply Aka I just wish everyone could get along. Too much to hope for I suppose!

That's families I'm afraid.

I'm sorry I have no advice, since being on GN I am amazed at the amount of troubled families there are as I have no experience of this.

Regulars will know, I have posted a few times 'just to get it off my chest' re: my DD's ex. It does help, doesn't it
I'm sure someone will reply with the good advice GN's are known for.

Yes, a good rant works wonders and can help to clear the head .

While you're still smarting about this, I wouldn't do anything so hasty as making arrangements to move.

Whilst I think your daughter was being a bit childish, she did at least come to the meal. Perhaps it was unwise of you to insist that she also be part of a family photo. Sometimes it's better to just let the people involved sort themselves out in their own time, rather than putting them in a situation in which they might feel uncomfortable.

I don't mean to be unkind but I think that saying you would be unavailable the following week to look after your grand daughter - who after all is not responsible for her mum's behaviour - perhaps provided a model for your daughter's tit-for-tat behaviour.

Has your daughter actually said you won't be able to see your grand daughter from now on? If not - and as you say it would break your heart to move away from your grand daughter - why not just carry on as usual and hope the dust settles?

Your DD and her brother don't get on. As hard as it is, you need to accept that. What happened for them to fall out that bad?
It would have to be bad for her not to want to spend a few seconds for a photo.

I think, you shouldn't of tried to blackmail her with 'if you don't do this, I won't look after the DGD'
You can't force someone to do something they don't want to do.
And your grandchild is loosing out there aswell.

If you still want to see your DGD and have a relationship then say sorry..then she will probley apolgies too. Take the lead. Good luck X

Eloethan I think I've stood back waiting for the dust to settle too many times, its like living on eggshells all the time waiting for the next thing I do to upset her.

Thank you for your advice, I wont make any rash decisions but I do feel very taken for granted atm.

Estralita If I were you I think I would apologise for trying to make her join in with the photo and for refusing to look after your dgd.

I think the refusal was rather childish of you (but I don't know the history), and if she doesn't accept your apology, then you must make your decision as to where you want to go next.
Good luck

They fell out over nothing! It was me and DS who had fallen out and she took my side, we made up but she carried it on, he was willing to put it behind them but she wasn't.

All I wanted was a photo of all my family together, it would have taken seconds and I didn't even expect them to stand near each other but she couldn't do that one small thing for me and it ruined the whole evening.

I had looked after my DGD for 3 days while the rest of my family was here which meant I hardly had any time to spend with my other DGC. I'm not in the best of health and I was absolutely shattered but not even a word of thanks.

I have done everything to make her life easier, more than I have done for my other DC and I think it is she who owes me an apology.

Thank you all for your opinions though, I will lay low and see what happens not holding my breath.

I have just been unblocked on facebook, I guess thats my apology!

You don't say when the meal was or how long she has had to calm down and realise that she's stuck for childcare next week.

Yes, I would apologise, but let her know that you only lost your cool because you really, really wanted a photo of all your children because you're proud of them and love them all.

It wasn't as if you'd asked her to stand next to the estranged brother.

I think this is abit more than just a photo isnt it?
I think that was just the straw that broke the camels back.

Apologies to your daughter then tell her how you feel. You do sound like you do alot for her and you feel abit under appriciated.

Sometimes you just can't get people together. My oldest Uncle and Aunt fell out over something - nobody else knew what, their siblings were all younger and were never told. I can only say that over 50 years later they still had no contact at all. When my uncle died my aunt did mutter something when she was told, but certainly didn't seem full of remorse.

I think you were pushing it a bit insisting on the photograph. Many people don't like being made to join in one - my DH for one! Turning her refusal into a deliberate slight against you was probably slightly unfair.

It'd be best if everyone apologised here. Two wrongs never make a right and to be honest, withholding childcare as a means of making your daughter pose for a photograph she didn't want to appear in was never going to end well.

I wouldn't hurry to start selling your house on the basis of this particular spat but I would genuinely ask yourself if, in fact, you'd be happier moving back to where you have more friends and family. Don't think of this as abandoning your DGC but instead, more that perhaps it is time to put yourself first for a change.

I didn't speak to my sister for the last 34 years of her life. Harsh, you might say.
To give you a small insight of her nature, she once never came home on Xmas eve ( she came home Xmas day lunch) while her and her children were living with me.
It wasn't this that I fell out with her. People say that she was a very good social worker, shame that she didn't practice what she preached.

Are you determined your DD should apologise? I fear you may be "in the right" as you see it but it can be a lonely place to be. What is so special about a photograph anyway? Swallow your pride or live to regret the consrquences.

It seems that our children always have the upper hand. We need, love and want them more than they need us. It is just a fact of life. I agree that life seems to involve a lot of eggshell walking but what is the alternative? I know I would be heartbroken if I stuck out for a deserved but unforthcoming apology and in doing so lost my grandchildren. As Soutra says - you may regret the consequences.
I once inadvertently upset my DIL by taking a photo of her when she really didn’t want me to. I should have respected her reluctance to be photographed as it wasn’t worth the upset caused.

Rockgran, you said exactly what I was trying to say- i'll crawl on eggshells if I have to, for the love of my grandchildren.

Where do all these selfish kids come from?

What goes wrong?

Perhaps - just perhaps - it might be better to have a quiet think, try to get the bottom of the whys and wherefores. Even they occurred many years ago.

If it happened only last week, isn't it a bit soon to be thinking of packing up and moving away because of it?

Sounds petty tbh.

Its not the first time she has thrown a strop like this and its not just me that gets treated this way. I really dont what is wrong with her but she seems to think she can treat people like this and she is always in the right.

She is always ranting about things on facebook and I have warned her that she is making enemies, someone has done just that tonight and she has deactivated her account again.

I am worried that she will leave DGD with her other 2 DC, the eldest is 14 but not responsible. If I apologise she will carry on with this behaviour and keep treating me like a doormat.

I think she needs a big wake up call before someone loses it with her and gives her a punch. I know I cant cope with it much longer.