If we are to accept that they take out their frustrations on us, then presumably we are OK to take out ours on them? Is it acceptable for US to snap at our grownup children because we are annoyed at our ageing bodies, can't do what we did when we were their age, have lost most of our friends to death and Altzheimers, and see the shadow of the grim reaper looking over our own shoulders?
Or are we grownup enough to ignore the way they spend their money as though there is a money-tree at the end of the garden, allow their children to act in ways we would have cut short at once, forget us on birthdays and mother's day, expect child-minding for them to go out for the evening while not noticing that we haven't been able to enjoy a meal out for several years?
We are often advised on the forums to turn the other cheek, so often that we must be well browned on all sides by now, but surely being grown-up is something that ALL adults are capable of? I would not dream of using any of my children as a whipping-boy for my own frustrations, nor would I accept them being rude to me. Family members should be treated with as much consideration as is offered to anyone else.
Not that they would do otherwise. Like thatbags I have a family who don't take offence at the drop of a hat, but neither do they give offence. Perhaps it is because respect for all family members was the norm as they grew up - toward them and from them.