To feel unappreciated and a bit miffed.

I think you are right to be hurt Christine.

Ok so you owe the money, but it's a bit crass of this man isn't it, after all you have been doing for his wife.We live and learn.

I expect the wife appreciated your efforts. Some people are just a bit thick socially.

Is she better, btw?

PS and the 'thickness' isn't always their fault. Just saying. #autismaware

Certainly seems ungreatful. I wouldn't have had the cheek to ask. Let alone remind you.

I feel the same about D and her SO who are sleeping in the larger bedroom and have full use of S's large TV, Sky and xbox whilst he is relagated to the box room. They had the cheek to ask him to pay for his share of the takeaway they bought last night. (H and I were out)

No, not unreasonable at all to feel miffed. Some people are like that with money though. My DD was invited last year to a friend's second home in France. When she got home the 'friend' sent her a bill for DD's share of the holiday, even down to the cost of petrol used in various trips.

I think sharing expenses like that is not unreasonable. What's unreasonable is not telling people in advance that they'll be expected to pay a proportion.

I think if you ask someone to buy something for you, you should expect to pay regardless of other things happening in your relationship with them.

Though with the example given, I think I'd feel a bit miffed as well. One of those just lap it up and say nowt moments life throws at one now and again.

Gransnet's useful for letting the miffedness out.

Yes just letting off steam, I can't really say anything in our circle of friends as everyone knows everyone else.

Sorry thatbags forgot to say, the wife is improving but still far from well.

Good idea to vent here.

I sometimes wonder about people! One of our neighbours had a stroke a couple of years ago. He wasn't too badly affected and was home in a couple of days. This couple have a large family who live nearby but, having been told not to drive (his wife doesn't drive), he had trouble some days getting to appointments as he said his children/grandchildren were working. We were chatting to them one day (my DH was being treated for cancer at the time so we knew only too well how difficult things were)and my DH told them if ever they needed a lift to and from appointments he would be only to happy to take them. He did this several times, taking and collecting them. A couple of months later this chap's wife told us that they were arranging a 70th birthday party for him. Were we invited? Were we heck. I was annoyed. Petty I know but I was.

I know that I would not actually do it but I would have felt like costing the meals and producing the bill. Some people are so mean.

Just let it go. Good to vent on here. Wonder if wife knows. It actually must be awful going through life being either mean or lacking social awareness.

Of course it's not on and really mean but some people just don't get it and he's obviously one of these.

Just think that you did these kindnesses for her and not her socially inept husband.

I once offered to share petrol costs and was charged 22p a mile. There were 3 of us in the car (me + driver and his wife) and I was so shocked I paid up. Since then I have given the wife many lifts but has she ever offered petrol help .........!

I think I would feel a bit miffed too considering your kindness.
Could it be that the friend brought back lots of different things for different people and just priced them up accordingly?

Two friends of ours moved to the South of France years ago. One summer we were visiting them and the wife asked me to get her a pair of jeans from M&S. It wasn't a problem because I worked there and she gave me all the numbers off the label. I duly bought the jeans (had to order them, they were out of stock) packed them up and sent them off to France. A few weeks later she had split from her husband and gone off with someone else. No word of thanks - I don't even know if they arrived - and definitely no money. Still it showed me which one to side with in the divorce!

If I'd asked someone to bring me something, I would offer to pay for it. However, in the circumstances described, I would imagine reasonable people would refuse to take the money, at the same time expressing gratitude for the support given to them.

Some of the other stories on here show just how mean and hurtful some people can be.

Maybe he needed the money? Who knows?

Your care of his wife is its own reward.

I would feel miffed too of course but some people manage their money by writing down every penny they spend and keeping track of things ....and maybe that is important to them.......we will never know.

Thanks though for helping them out at a bad time........kindness is so generous. Happy New Year.

If he's done this for you in the past and you've paid him on those occasions, this may be him coping with worry about his wife by doing things 'as normal'. It doesn't help with your feeling hurt but often we cling to past habits under stress.

Never expect any thanks from men. In fact, don't waste your time doing enything for a man unless it is a proper contract with salary/payment written into the terms. These are my thoughts after 60 years of observation of how men operate in both the domestic and the public spheres. If they have to pay you they will be respectful and if they don't they'll wipe their feet on you.

Write off the twenty quid as a good fee for a good lesson learnt.

Friends/neighbours never cease to amaze me with their lack of gratitude, insensitivity and mean attitude. Sometimes this is a case of when doing someone a good turn it comes back and bites you on the bum!