AIBU to want to make a speech at my child's wedding

Take this on the chin and do not mention it. I know it is hard, but it is their wedding. You have years ahead of you to get to know and love this lass and you do not want to get off in the wrong foot.

Will there be cards/telegrams read out? Maybe you could say what you want in that way.

I am not sure. I seem to be in the dark about it rather. But I think it is sad that the family of the bride can talk about their daughter and wish her well publicly but not the family of the groom. I do understand that no one wants the speeches to go on for ever but surely a couple of minutes should be ok. Otherwise it is just making more of the fact that it is all about the bride and not the groom. (I know the best man traditionally talks about the groom but I don't think this is the same. Risque stories from someone who hasn't necessarily known him that long, in our case from university, is not the same thing)

Accept that the wedding day is not your day.

If you want to publicly announce how wonderful your son is (and possibly seriously embarrass him in the process) why not host a pre-wedding get together with DiL and her family and make your speech then.
It’s common practice in America for the groom’s family to host a rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding itself.
We did this when DS got married in Virginia, but were not expected to make a speech.
If you do make a speech, it might be a good idea, as well as saying what a lovely young man your son is, to mention what a lovely girl DiL is and how you are so happy that he is settling down with her.

When my daughters married , my husband dead, my brother made a speech on my behalf . The grooms fathers also made a speech . Perhaps the family wishes to keep to this tradition ?

Don’t go there!
Even the FOB speeches saying how wonderful their little girl is can be excruciating.
Your idea sounds a million times worse.
It is NOT your day, it is theirs, and unless they have specifically asked you to make a speech I whine it is entirely out of order.

I “whine”? No I don’t!
“I think” !

I have just spotted that your DIL to be has said No.
That is that surely?

Isn't that sort of what the best man does - amongst pulling him to pieces etc?

The only possibility I can see is if the floor is left open at the end of the speeches should anyone else which to add a word. If this was so, and you decided to avail of it, I'd keep it to only 2 or 3 sentences.... literally.... very very proud and wish you both well.

On the other hand - if bride doesn't want an official Mother of the Groom (mini) speech she may not approve of an open-floor-usage.

Whatever you do, the Bride must not be offended/upset in any way on her wedding day, it would never be forgiven or forgotten.

If I were you, I'd forget about any speech. I agree that the idea sounds nice from a Mum point of view, (it could either be great or otherwise from other folk's point of view) and if the Bride doesn't go for it, enough said.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jalima <facepalm> as my DiL would put it

Whether you are mother of the bride or groom, I think you just have to go with whatever the couple decide they want for their wedding. At my DD's wedding, the only speeches were by the best man (groom's best friend) and the chief bridesmaid (bride's sister). I think this worked well, and my other DD is going with this arrangement for her wedding in July too.

Personally I would rather chew a brick than get up and give a speech to anybody. I didn't feel the need to tell everyone how much I think of my son, he already knew, that was the main thing.

I think it is a shame but that you have to go with the flow. It is their wedding! However if your future DIL is not really able to see why you might want to do this, I would be aware of potential future lack of awareness of her husband's family viewpoint.....and be prepared for biting your tongue and going with the flow whilst being supportive!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

At DS's wedding I spent more time trying to reassure the best man, who was very nervous before giving his (excellent) speech.

At the risk of getting told off, and with no personal experience of a child's wedding, I'm quite surprised how many parents want to 'get in on the act'.. (running away now!)

My sons would have me locked up for the duration! If you love yours leave well alone & enjoy the day ????perhaps with a few of these , but not tooooo many?

I agree, MissAdventure. One of my sons is married, and I was very grateful his in-laws did all the arrangements. I never thought of wanting to make a speech, though I’m sure they’d have agreed to it if I’d wanted to. Speeches were by my son, his wife, her father and the best man. That’s quite enough! Actually they were all pretty good.

I'm sorry to say that although I don't think that you are being unreasonable, neither is your future daughter-in-law, and at the end of the day it is her wedding and therefore it's her wishes that should prevail. You say, "She is a nice girl but I don't think that she has thought about this being a big day for me as well as for her family."

And my response would be say that seems pretty normal to me; surely that's for your son to be thinking about, not his future wife. Please try to put your disappointment to one side and delight in the day.

At our son's wedding the speeches were by the best man, FOB, FOG. The MOB and I (MOG) were asked to do a short reading. I sent my chosen reading to my Dil beforehand to make sure all was well. It was perfect and no one felt left out.

No need to run away MissA, I agree with you anyway!

It would never have occurred to either my parents or DMiL to impose their wishes on me & MrA.
Not that they got much chance as they only got 2 weeks' notice that the wedding was happening

I agree with you too MissAdventure.

We didn't have any of that with any of 'our' weddings. They all paid for the event themselves with fairly large contribution from us but were all very definite about how it would be.

Of course, we weren't invited to DD3'S wedding precisely so we couldn't say anything!!!

I’m glad my DIL gave a speech when she married my son. Surely the days are gone when the bride (not a word I like) sits meekly blushing while the men do all the talking? This was ten years ago!