AmMaz I’m not sure how helpful your comment is. The op stated that her son hasn’t bothered with cards or presents for years, how do you reason that he has now bowed to ‘pressure’ from his wife? Or even more bafflingly, her mother? It is that attitude that causes the awful mil vs dil spats that we so frequently hear about.
My ds actually wrote a beautiful and very moving message in a card to my dil. I must admit to being slightly hurt when I saw it on their fireplace, I got ‘to mum love ds’.
However the more I thought about it, the more I was able to see what a wonderful gesture that was. He was celebrating the mother of his child, the woman who raises his little boy, day in day out. Yes, he’ll only ever have one mum, but there’ll only be ever this one woman who ‘gave’ (his word) him that beautiful child. He was in awe of her following the labour, and frequently tells anybody who will listen what a wonderful mother she is.
I realised that this didn’t mean he had forgotten me, or doesn’t love. The truth is my days of ‘raising’ him are done, yes I would so anything for him, but I am no longer making the all day, everyday sacrifices that we all know mums make.
You’re clearly very close to your son & dil, that speaks volumes about your relationship and how they feel about you. Before you start making rash decisions about what you will & won’t do for them in the future, please bring about how you will feel if you permanently damage the relationship.