Poldark . AIBU?

YANBU. I would suggest turning the phone off at 8.30 just in case.

I know what you mean this has happened to me before too, however you say 'a dear old friend' - can you not try and catch up with Poldark, I-player, record? I can't imagine how your dear old friend felt. Sorry!

I can't use iplayer very well as my hearing aids are not too good with TV and iplayer has no subtitles.

Merlotgran, what is turning the phone off when its a landline?

I always record programmes I really don't want to miss and then I can either watch them later or start to watch them as soon as I can and just be behind the actual programme going out. This is handy when the programme is on ITV as I can skip adverts!

I'm with merlot here! (Alexa you can unplug a landline from the wall). But then, I'm inclined to ignore calls when my favourite TV programme is on, or if I'm immersed in something not easily left (like making a cake, e.g.), and call back later.
In the early days of telephones we had to answer every call as there were no means of tracking who the call was from after the event. I think this has given rise to a culture where people feel it's rude not to answer a call. Today we have the 1471 feature, or Caller Display, all calls listed on the phone etc. So we no longer need to be at the behest of anyone wanting to call and talk to us - at a time that is obviously convenient to them, but not necessarily to us.
And consider this: if someone interrupts a conversation without saying, 'excuse me', they are considered rude and ill mannered - indeed this is one of the very early things we instil in our children. Why then should we expect to have the right to interrupt someone by phoning them?

Yes you are being unreasonable to stop a conversation with a friend (Canada or not) to watch a television programme. You don't deserve to have friends if fiction is more important than real life friends.

I know this is aggravating, but people are more important that tv... even the wonderful Poldark. I get round this problem by recording favourite programmes, even if I am watching them. Then I can watch it later should someone decide to interrupt me.

If she rings regularly why not arrange a specific time for her to ring which suits you both - if this was a one off, then yes I would say you were being unreasonable.

I would say it depends how often she rings you. If it’s an occasional call, then yes, I would switch off the tv as you say she is a dear friend. If, on the other hand she rings you quite often it’s less unreasonable, and you could perhaps suggest she rings a little earlier.

If this is awkward, can you not get round this by ringing her at a time that would suit you better? If I was the friend I would feel slightly hurt that watching tv was preferable.

For Poldark, I honestly would just not pick up the phone that close to the beginning of the show - but then it's the only time I watch tv all week at the moment so I would have been looking forward to it. I hate phones anyway, that's why I won't have a mobile - the thought that someone can disturb me at any time is ?

I would feel very hurt if someone did this to me

If you haven't let the call go to answerphone -and you can't do iplayer - don't tell her she is competing with the TV! You could (she said dishonestly!) tell a white lie e.g. you have unexpected visitors who should be leaving by ten p.m. - after which your attention will be all hers!! You can only do this once though - so prearrange future calls at mutually convenient times!

For those that say record the programme, how do you do this? I know there is a facility to do this if you have Sky (though I never worked it out when I did have Sky), but otherwise how do you record?

Well, I do remember some while ago phoning a friend because I had just been diagnosed with cancer. However before I had had a chance to launch into the news she stopped me to say that Strictly Come Dancing was just starting. Have to say I had spent hours supporting her on the phone with her marital problems and rarely spoke about myself ( all my other friends say this about me) so to say I was hurt is an understatement. I genuinely did not realise that Strictly was on. We are still friends but I have never forgotten this and would always take a call from a friend in case it was important to them.

It depends how often this dear old friend does this. She clearly knows what the time difference is and is aware that for you it's reaching that watershed time. Once in a while I think you can accommodate that call by doing a TV catch up but if it's regular then you need to make yourself unavailable. You could also try calling her at a time to suit yourself and see what response you get if it's inconvenient for her.

A little unreasonable. It's only a TV programme. I'd much rather chat to a dear friend ...,

Couldn't ignore a video call from DD & GC Saturday night during Casulty as she only sees them every few weeks. Realised after I should have paused it, silly me.

“ Back in the day” when we all watched the same TV programme I can remember that nobody, but nobody rang during The Forsyte Saga!
I believe it also dealt a death blow to Evensong in parish churches all over the country.
You could always have it on mute with subtitles on so that you could still enjoy the “scenery”

You can buy a machine to record your tv programmes onto if you just have a normal ariel or satellite dish. Contact your local TV repair shop for advice.
Otherwise, either don’t answer the phone or tell the person that you’ve got a bad headache/feel unwell and you’ll call them back tomorrow.
There’s nothing wrong with looking forward to watching your favourite tv show and your friend won’t be so miffed if she thinks it’s a bad time for you.
I always start my calls with ‘is this a good time for you?’ and if they’re about to eat, watch tv or whatever, I’ll arrange an alternative time to call. It’s no skin off my nose.

Havemercy I think it’s a bit unfair to hold a grudge against your friend for wanting to enjoy her favourite tv show. She’s not an emergency service and obviously didn’t know you wanted her support at that moment. You should have either told her straightaway that you really needed to speak to her urgently or just let it go and arrange to call her back the following day.

I think it is rather unreasonable - we sometimes get phone calls from overseas just at a crucial point in a programme so we put the tv on pause or start to record it and catch up later. We've got a free-sat box, not Sky.

I agree on all previous comments. If I didn't record my favourite programs I can honestly say I wouldn't see any of them because my phone always rings in the middle of what I have been looking forward to watching. But I would never tell anyone who wants to speak to me that they had called at an inconvenient time. I would be very offended if someone said it to me.

Seems like we need Miss Manners here!

If someone calls frequently, I would definitely fix a time that suits both parties and the time difference.

I have learned through bitter experience to start the calls I make by asking "Is this a convenient moment?" or "Do you have time for a chat". This gives the other person an opening to ask when they may phone me back, if my call is inconvenient.

Havemercy, I know exactly how you feel: once when something horrible happened here, I phoned a friend who the minute she heard my voice said, " I haven't time now" and put down the receiver. That taught me to start with," I really need to talk, this is a ghastly day," if that is the case in the hope that a friend will either make time, or arrange to phone back as soon as humanly possible.

I've just had a look at iplayer and it does have subtitles. There's a symbol at the bottom right of the screen, next to the timer showing how much of the programme you've watched. All you have to do is click on that symbol and the subtitles will appear. It could be useful if you find yourself in that sort of situation again.